Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while trying some new kinky things with my boyfriend, he cried out, "Call me Jesus!" Yeah... I think we're done with that. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and I lustfully requested we try doggy style this time. He responded, "No, Jesus wouldn't like that." FML
Today, as usual, my boyfriend referred to his penis in the third person as "Mr. Willy". Even during sex. FML
Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying I needed to come home immediately. When I got there, he informed me that the reason I needed to rush home from work was because he wiped a booger on the wall and it was in the shape of a penis. He said it's a sign, like when people see Jesus in toast. FML
Today, I watched my boyfriend have a full on conversation with his penis. He also talks to his penis nicer than he talks to me. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided it'd be funny to create a "place" on Facebook for my vagina. Now he "checks-in" every time we have sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend referred to his penis as 'The Eye of Sauron'. It didn't help when he pulled down his foreskin, pointed it in my direction and said 'I see you'. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided that vaginal, oral, and anal sex are starting to get boring. Let's just say that my armpit is now drenched in lube. I'm afraid of what he's going to want to try once he gets bored of this. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML
Today, my boyfriend insisted that I start calling him "Professor Fucktard" in the bedroom. He seems to be dead serious about it. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
elodea_fml 0
... he seems cool o_O
quelbaby 0
hahaha that sounds like something my bf would say as a joke lol.. I hope u took it lightly and mucked around with him bak lol
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (323)
elodea_fml 0
... he seems cool o_O
tatte3 1
lol not reali it's jus funny not cool
saltz 0
sounds like a man after my own heart
me199 0
haha he's genius
responses 0
what does it mean when people say. ^This
saltz 0
means he's doing exactly what we would
poopberry 0
haha that's ******* brilliant, I'm naming my dick after someone in the bible sooo many little metaphors.
purplemnm 9
#85 name it Peter since you keep being denied by women :D
rochound 0
are you a Jesus freak?
ilovefatcats 12
FYL
Zigma_fml 0
@purplemnm: Oh, snap! But seriously, that was brilliant. He'll be on SNL one day.
thor89 0
Let Jesus touch you
russwee 0
so....... did u accept Jesus into your life LMAO
pfunk129 1
Jesus loves all.....including guys.
j0k32r0x 0
hahahahahahahahaahahshahahaahah
soccer060 0
that's just funny
sc95060sc 0
how is this an fml?
vrock 0
rotflmfao!!! I like this guy :D
Pointy130 0
You just need to let Jesus inside you.
herrera_2014 0
I want to be touched by Jesus lmao Jk
rebornhunter25 0
haha your bfs awesome love him haha
khloe_sophia 3
Hahaha I actually thinks that's hilarious!!!
hoopstar15 0
106 u are my hero
Spoozie 0
haha!(: that's the shizz!! that's laughable. his penis is a hero!!:D
purplemnm 9
@106 no I'm not I just spent the last three years of school at a Christian high school...I know the bible like the back of my hand
granthm 0
it's brilliant but I can see how it would be annoying
thatonek1d 0
lol #90!
WorldCupCheer 0
haha ur boyfriend is awesome op
Legolandlord 4
would u rather it be a girls name? like: would u like to be touched by [insert girl name here].
Shiny_nickels 14
I've heard weirder codes than that one, he now sounds very religious
quelbaby 0
hahaha that sounds like something my bf would say as a joke lol.. I hope u took it lightly and mucked around with him bak lol
Eddie_Paints 0
If his junk can't do any miracles exorcise him!
XDNurse 0
I like your samurai champloo pic <3
isaiah614 0
quelbaby ur from p.a arnt you
Eddie_Paints 0
Thanks Xdnurse! That's so cool you know where itz from!!
XDNurse 0
yesh I'm an anime junkie...;3
Terwilliger 0
lmfao. do it just as a joke I dare you
OBCD_fml 0
guess what you think about every Sunday at church xD
236schertzi 1
Only in Canada...
swinglifeaway123 8
****** American...
px_fml 0
hes funny lol
hunter989 0
haha hell yeah he sounds like a badass
jaydnnx 0
FYL naaawwss I would hate that, I would be like shut tfu it's a penis not Jesus, aw.
scuba1722 0
oo but when it goes in ull be shouting the lords name in vain there's no denyin it
greenlime_fml 3
don't **** with Jesus!
quietlytearful 0
hahah. "**** with Jesus"... I get it :D
HeyThereGorgeous 0
LMFAO all of the above.
esines 9
Are you retarded? Your grammar and just plain stupidity makes me want to shoot myself. But then I said naaaawww I won't shoot myself. Aw
Foxracingluver 0
omg thtss hilarious..:D lol
logand 3
ask him if his Jesus would like the same fate as the real one ?
warom 0
that is lacking wit. I can totally come up with something better than" Jesus spreading his warmth". your boyfriends a retard
maskedman 9
do it here.
pwner64 0
"let Jesus spread his blessings upon you"
mojo5678 5
Let Jesus inside of you
sugarbabyxoxo 2
haha give your boyfriend my number bahaha! that's funny as f*ck.
scuba1722 0
I'll call it whatever name that pleases you if it gets your number... and create better inuendos
babybubz 0
ew
scuba1722 0
lmao
x_HELLo_tHERE_x 0
Okay, let's hear some.
scuba1722 0
If I call it any pokemon i want... I choose you ________. what!?!??________ is evolving?? _____ use ur hydropump, quick attack, stringshot... ect... the terminator pops cherry... I'll be back done *******.... hasta la vista baby... kick her out I'll call it moby dick if it catches me that whale few examples I have tons more lmao
LTMcleod 0
Jesus was way better
DGross 8
Me thinks you're not getting that number...
babybubz 0
Ajjas013 6
Jesus wants to stay the night.
deathcab7 0
since when does jesus live in pantss?
seeimdee 0
get a life!! ^ really guys? y'all go on fml to hit on girls? lmao
hippiechick91 0
Wow 91 no one would ever let you into them in their right mind. Learn some new lines.
Astraea 0
let him in!! ahah your bf is so funny i need one like him :D
greenlime_fml 3
If you go to anyone from the church they'll tell you to let Jesus in..