Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while trying some new kinky things with my boyfriend, he cried out, "Call me Jesus!" Yeah... I think we're done with that. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and I lustfully requested we try doggy style this time. He responded, "No, Jesus wouldn't like that." FML
Today, as usual, my boyfriend referred to his penis in the third person as "Mr. Willy". Even during sex. FML
Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying I needed to come home immediately. When I got there, he informed me that the reason I needed to rush home from work was because he wiped a booger on the wall and it was in the shape of a penis. He said it's a sign, like when people see Jesus in toast. FML
Today, I watched my boyfriend have a full on conversation with his penis. He also talks to his penis nicer than he talks to me. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided it'd be funny to create a "place" on Facebook for my vagina. Now he "checks-in" every time we have sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend referred to his penis as 'The Eye of Sauron'. It didn't help when he pulled down his foreskin, pointed it in my direction and said 'I see you'. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided that vaginal, oral, and anal sex are starting to get boring. Let's just say that my armpit is now drenched in lube. I'm afraid of what he's going to want to try once he gets bored of this. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML
Today, my boyfriend insisted that I start calling him "Professor Fucktard" in the bedroom. He seems to be dead serious about it. FML
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Top comments
elodea_fml 0
... he seems cool o_O
quelbaby 0
hahaha that sounds like something my bf would say as a joke lol.. I hope u took it lightly and mucked around with him bak lol
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Comments (323)
razorp 0
maybe next Jesus will spit on you, then make you kiss his feet, oh I meant balls
Rickymonkeypants 0
...Win
blackstatic 0
it will forgive your sins go for it
Ateaney13 0
I will pray to Jesus so that he will help you with your problem. HA.
funkey3 0
I can get where he is coming from
sublime93 0
that's pretty hilarious
twistedavalon06 0
lame.
thedivinecomeD 0
MAY THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELL YOU!!!
LforLove 0
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahHahaha
Wasted_Elmo 6
my girl named my penis Jesus never knew why untill she screamed it out many times in bed (go fig)
thedivinecomeD 0
WAIT!!! I GOT IT!!! tell him his penis is like Jesus... nonexistent. XD