Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while trying some new kinky things with my boyfriend, he cried out, "Call me Jesus!" Yeah... I think we're done with that. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and I lustfully requested we try doggy style this time. He responded, "No, Jesus wouldn't like that." FML
Today, as usual, my boyfriend referred to his penis in the third person as "Mr. Willy". Even during sex. FML
Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying I needed to come home immediately. When I got there, he informed me that the reason I needed to rush home from work was because he wiped a booger on the wall and it was in the shape of a penis. He said it's a sign, like when people see Jesus in toast. FML
Today, I watched my boyfriend have a full on conversation with his penis. He also talks to his penis nicer than he talks to me. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided it'd be funny to create a "place" on Facebook for my vagina. Now he "checks-in" every time we have sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend referred to his penis as 'The Eye of Sauron'. It didn't help when he pulled down his foreskin, pointed it in my direction and said 'I see you'. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided that vaginal, oral, and anal sex are starting to get boring. Let's just say that my armpit is now drenched in lube. I'm afraid of what he's going to want to try once he gets bored of this. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML
Today, my boyfriend insisted that I start calling him "Professor Fucktard" in the bedroom. He seems to be dead serious about it. FML
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Top comments
elodea_fml 0
... he seems cool o_O
quelbaby 0
hahaha that sounds like something my bf would say as a joke lol.. I hope u took it lightly and mucked around with him bak lol
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Comments (323)
nickwk 0
that's a little disturbing
lovesexhugs 0
lmao I'm pretty sure I'm jealous of how fast you came up with a nickname... I can't think of one.
perdix 31
You have a penis?
scuba1722 0
and you have an imposter perdix!!!
CallMeHush 1
No, that is his penis posting. jk
seeimdee 0
I'd name my dick; crayola... I had a pun but I forgot it. haha
Bullet4MyChemaMo 12
^ This
hippiechick91 0
Perdix, you're lame. Get new jokes.
Astraea 0
why would i name my penis(if i had one)? could sb please tell me what the point is??
KASHMIR_fml 0
chill homie. it's a guy thing. don't reply or youll get roundhouse kicked by "chuck Norris".
scuba1722 0
it really is your second personality it must have a name
perdix 31
scuba, mine IS my personality, so I don't have to give it a name ;) Astraea, the point is called the head. It is particularly sensitive, so if you ever get to play with a penis, focus extra attention on the point. Your brother, I mean, your friend's husband, oops, I mean your dad. . . what's wrong with me?, I mean your boyfriend will appreciate it.
thoughtcrimeno1 0
personification?
seeimdee 0
boys are just stupid that's why. they think naming there dick is funny.
mponce12 0
what a douche
arikeer 0
the penis doesn't need a name. it's too royally suave for such nonsense. unless it can't match it's purpose. then you just name it "lame dick". :
fyrestarter00 0
……Bad past experiences much?
bcwrape69 0
lmfao haha
BMP 0
boo hoo, I think that his enuendo is actually quite funny
Nikolee 0
I need a chuck Norris in my life
kaydee085 0
lmao rename it for him
perdix 31
Does it take more than 2000 years for Him to come?
you_guys_are_dum 0
best comment. the end.
MsBigelsworth 0
LMAO!!! Good One!
Wooddaver 0
perdix just won the Internet.
scuba1722 0
lmao he came once give him some credit
saltz 0
win
greenlime_fml 3
At least the op couldn't complain about how her bf doesn't last very long