Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while trying some new kinky things with my boyfriend, he cried out, "Call me Jesus!" Yeah... I think we're done with that. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and I lustfully requested we try doggy style this time. He responded, "No, Jesus wouldn't like that." FML
Today, as usual, my boyfriend referred to his penis in the third person as "Mr. Willy". Even during sex. FML
Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying I needed to come home immediately. When I got there, he informed me that the reason I needed to rush home from work was because he wiped a booger on the wall and it was in the shape of a penis. He said it's a sign, like when people see Jesus in toast. FML
Today, I watched my boyfriend have a full on conversation with his penis. He also talks to his penis nicer than he talks to me. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided it'd be funny to create a "place" on Facebook for my vagina. Now he "checks-in" every time we have sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend referred to his penis as 'The Eye of Sauron'. It didn't help when he pulled down his foreskin, pointed it in my direction and said 'I see you'. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided that vaginal, oral, and anal sex are starting to get boring. Let's just say that my armpit is now drenched in lube. I'm afraid of what he's going to want to try once he gets bored of this. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML
Today, my boyfriend insisted that I start calling him "Professor Fucktard" in the bedroom. He seems to be dead serious about it. FML
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Top comments
elodea_fml 0
... he seems cool o_O
quelbaby 0
hahaha that sounds like something my bf would say as a joke lol.. I hope u took it lightly and mucked around with him bak lol
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Comments (323)
damienwatkins 0
well... you did say yes... right?
omgwtffmmfl 0
Calls it Jesus because it's dead and decomposed as well?
indiecindyx 0
lmao, thats funny.. at least he's funny :L?
thedivinecomeD 0
no matter how bad your vision is , DO NOT let "Jesus" come anywhere near your eyes. he CANT cure you!!! (hehehe...get it, "come"?)
orlyescence 0
I think that's hilarious. As long as he doesn't keep doing that for the next week.
Wasted_Elmo 6
I would stop eventually but when I nut in out or around my girl I would always finish with " you have been cumpelled by jesus"
JojoBrown520 0
i dont know whether that was funny of the OP's boyfriend, or very disrespectful. he's clearly NOT a good catholic lol. FYL for going out with a dumbass.
givants 0
what a tool
freakinflynn 0
lol whatta pimp.
mrzero 0
dump him. he is a dumb ass MF. don't have any respect for his own god. Ahole
saltz 0
yes I love the whole dump someone for saying one thing that irritates you, a true sign of maturity. get over yourself
drummer07boy 1
I don't get what your complaining about that's funny