Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while trying some new kinky things with my boyfriend, he cried out, "Call me Jesus!" Yeah... I think we're done with that. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and I lustfully requested we try doggy style this time. He responded, "No, Jesus wouldn't like that." FML
Today, as usual, my boyfriend referred to his penis in the third person as "Mr. Willy". Even during sex. FML
Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying I needed to come home immediately. When I got there, he informed me that the reason I needed to rush home from work was because he wiped a booger on the wall and it was in the shape of a penis. He said it's a sign, like when people see Jesus in toast. FML
Today, I watched my boyfriend have a full on conversation with his penis. He also talks to his penis nicer than he talks to me. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided it'd be funny to create a "place" on Facebook for my vagina. Now he "checks-in" every time we have sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend referred to his penis as 'The Eye of Sauron'. It didn't help when he pulled down his foreskin, pointed it in my direction and said 'I see you'. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided that vaginal, oral, and anal sex are starting to get boring. Let's just say that my armpit is now drenched in lube. I'm afraid of what he's going to want to try once he gets bored of this. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML
Today, my boyfriend insisted that I start calling him "Professor Fucktard" in the bedroom. He seems to be dead serious about it. FML
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Top comments
elodea_fml 0
... he seems cool o_O
quelbaby 0
hahaha that sounds like something my bf would say as a joke lol.. I hope u took it lightly and mucked around with him bak lol
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Comments (323)
adamsk1 0
HILARIOUS!!!!!! I couldn't stop laughing!!!
PhillyFox 0
I get weirded out when guys name their dicks... This is a little disturbing. FYL
Tripout 0
ROFLMFAO @ 54
Im_Jesus_BITCH 3
My name says it all. He needs to change "his" name.....I did get a good giggle though lol.
Chocolate_Chunk 2
wow you're a dick
comatoast 0
your bf sounds like a dork
fastcared 1
there's a line in a film -- The Exorcist -- "Let Jesus f@@k you!"
koko1718 0
that's hilarious
merccy319 0
at least it wasnt like you guys were having sex and he was screaming "may the penis be with you!"
scuba1722 0
I tried that... almost got slapped... next time warn ppl of the consequences
bsfpolo 0
why are you complaining??
ImTrEvOr 8
lmao haha that's classicc