Today, my boyfriend referred to his penis as 'The Eye of Sauron'. It didn't help when he pulled down his foreskin, pointed it in my direction and said 'I see you'. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband and I were watching Lord of the Rings. My husband told me he sees the eye of Sauron every time he goes down on me. FML
Today, as usual, my boyfriend referred to his penis in the third person as "Mr. Willy". Even during sex. FML
Today, while making love to my boyfriend, I noticed that instead of looking at me, he was admiring himself in the mirror. FML
Today, as I was in the middle of giving my boyfriend head, he looked at me and said "Eat that cockmeat sandwich." He seriously thought it was a turn on. FML
Today, my boyfriend proposed. He gave me a really unique ring that I absolutely loved… at first. When I showed it off to my friends, one of them laughed so hard that she started crying, and said it looks just like a vagina. She's right, and now I can't unsee it. FML
Today, my boyfriend got out of the shower and tried to hit my forehead with his penis. He slipped and slapped me in the eye with it. FML
Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML
Today, I watched my boyfriend have a full on conversation with his penis. He also talks to his penis nicer than he talks to me. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that my vagina looks like Yoda. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were "fooling around." It started to get hot and he took out his penis for the first time. This was the first one I've seen in real life so I decided I'd complimented it. I had no idea what to say so I said, "It's pretty." FML
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Top comments
dogpup4 23
This really doesn't seem as bad when you don't misread boyfriend as brother. Like I did.
ilovetylerseguin 0
he's a keeper
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Comments (219)
Shashieannio007 0
The "One-eyed monster" is going to get you!
moop256 10
And just think if he was circumcised he couldn't do that. HOORAY FOR FORESKIN!!!! :D
zombicidal 11
there's a movie called one eyed monster about ron Jeremys dismembered penis being possessed by aliens and killing people
MichellinMan 20
16- what the hell?
123josie123 11
.....what?!
tanneriscool 2
It's a purple headed yogurt slinger :D
ImFrackinBored 13
O_o
Bstaut 8
I will never again be able to look at Sauron the same way.
moop256 10
Is it because you be using your penis to look at him now 68?
PeypeyTheBeeotch 1
Rip off his eyelids!! If ya know what I mean!!!**wink wink**
muppetslover 11
My boyfriend would probably do the same thing.... Lol I will never understand the mind of men...
oXali 0
I call mine "Lil Jong"...
tx_beast 5
I just laughed my ass off reading this fml.
nnguyen1995 0
Get braces and give him a circumcision yourself xD *in reference to a previous FML*
praetor_fml 3
I very much agree with that.
ilovetylerseguin 0
he's a keeper
Spinnmaster 1
Heck yes! You know what it is girl!
missamazinggg 12
Don't talk. ^
markrs 0
Did he make it talk too...
ClassyCommando 13
"Today, I discovered that my boyfriend has a sense of humour. FML" Really, OP?
Trix_Disorder 20
I agree, he IS a keeper, no sarcasm.
csickcman 11
^ NOOO! HE'S PURE EVIL!!! RUNN!!!
dogpup4 23
This really doesn't seem as bad when you don't misread boyfriend as brother. Like I did.
AlaskanEskimo34 0
Any guy who plays with his penis has issues. Call me half empty, but come on! This is making men look bad!
Spinnmaster 1
Wrong ^... I play with my penis all the time!
MichellinMan 20
27- so me slappin my penis around makes me have have issues...? crap...
GoW_Chick 15
I think every guy "plays" with his penis.
AlaskanEskimo34 0
************ is completely different then pretending your dick is "the Eye of Sauron" if that's what your implying
GoW_Chick 15
I don't see how a guy naming his penis, and messing around makes them look bad, most guys do it because they are bored, or for a laugh. What's wrong with that?
AlaskanEskimo34 0
I respect your opinion but I am just speaking mine. Why would OP post this as a FML if she thought it was funny. If your boyfriend did that would you be thinking "my boyfriend is so funny" because i would be thinking "holy shit i cant take my boyfriend seriously" it depends on the relationship i guess.
TexasMud 8
Who the hell do you hang out with
hugsandisses 6
75 you weren't telling your opinion, you were making a statement.
downtime 13
76, I think the answer to that question is the Westboro Baptist Church...
chelseaaababyyy 17
75 - personally, i would think it was hilarious. but that's just me..
AlaskanEskimo34 0
It's too cold to play with your penis in Alaska, my opinion is biased I'll admit.
ArmyxWife 5
That's the funniest cutest thing I have ever heard lol
Exeggcute 5
But seriously if a guy doesn't play with his dick their is something wrong..
TrollisMe 5
Wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle - yeah!
Furrywhiplash 14
180- there*
GetHardOrGoHome 7
201- he used the right form of their. There means location. Their means possession.
GetHardOrGoHome 7
Nevermind:/ I am dyslexic and my mind rearranged the sentence..... Sighh
ImanAzol 4
My wife calls mine by its god-given name. Krakatoa.
BadSuerte 0
Oh, I'm sorry. It could have been worse. Much worse. You do have my sympathy.
EatnBeef 7
That's why I keep mine chained to my thigh
Victoria16_fml 0
That's soo f***in gross
thisisafunnyname 12
Op should've said that it looked like it was a hobbit's.
superHydrate 4
ah! one of those 'it's not funny when it's happening to you' thing eh!!
cradle6 13
Give him a surprise circumcision?
FirstTigerHobbes 13
OP's boyfriend: Today, I while I was sleeping, I woke up to my girlfriend trying to circumcise me, FML
ICATiger 13
49- I would suggest not trying to make reverse FMLs or ones from a comment someone made. As people tend to say stuff like. 'Oh no not another one of those stupid reverse FMLs' or ' If you ever comment again I'm going to rape you'
FirstTigerHobbes 13
72- The thumbs down, they're already here! *Runs away screaming*
angelbabyg1994 0
What does OP stand for?
mauguster 15
^^original poster I believe
angelbabyg1994 0
Thanks 85! I've always wondered...
EvilPotato 15
Alas that question will never truly be answered, as it stands for soooooo many things. Here are a few listed below: Orange Pineapple Optimus Prime Oprah's Penis Over Paris Over Par But it obviously doesn't stand for this foolish "Original Poster" you speak of. Duh.
leh9 2
Me to!!!
mauguster 15
Not a problem :) and haha I like the list of "OP" possibilities
EvilPotato 15
190 thanks I like to have some originality on my side.
guinea14 0
Beautiful 49!
natsaysheyyy 16
Eww, foreskin...
ICATiger 13
My 'eye of Sauron' can see you too....
EvilPotato 15
Ummm. I'm scared for the OP.
ICATiger 13
Hey guys I have decided to start a day care centre for kids 1-3 if you want me to en-roll your kids just send me your address and pictures of your kid.....
chili_is_good 0
Pic+comment=gold
EvilPotato 15
Yep ICAT wants to show them them his 'Eye of Sauron'.
moop256 10
First tell me your address 17 I promise I won't call the police but think about it of you go to jail you will get more buttsex than your ass could handle. Until your sphincter tears and pops out looks like a big red ant hill. Ahhh I miss being a doctor and laughing at my patients
ShroomsOnAcid 17
30, I'd never want to be your patient.
ICATiger 13
30-no thanks I will just stick to DocBastard
moop256 10
Well luckily for you I'm only qualified to practice medicine in Iraq, Libya and Russia
TexasMud 8
Can I sign up my older siblings for this "day of care"?
afunnyterdcody 5
Haha I've got the same personality as me
EvilPotato 15
Creepy.
MichellinMan 20
not in his nature. his "eye" is real in his own world. I kill my penis "the bald avenger."
ItsTheKing 10
Why would you kill your penis?! You need that, you know.
MichellinMan 20
88- *call-my apologies. I would cut my own face off before killing the bald avenger.
CuteDumBlonde64 11
Well that awkward...
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Well that stupid... If you're gonna post a pointless comment anyway, the least you could do is read over it.
ICATiger 13
You tell him/her Shrooms!!!
hugsandisses 6
You know you weren't thinking about her heart when you were pressing onto her chest ..
Jackmangold 0
Non circumcision fail
moop256 10
A long time ago there was a holy war of circumcised vs uncircumcised penis's on an FML like this one about a guy with retracted foreskin. Don't make sirin close the comments again >:(
Timmeeh 17
There are only really a few demographics in the world who routinely circumcise; Jews, Muslims and Americans being the vast majority, followed behind at some distance by Australians and Canadians. I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with circumcision, definitely not trying to start another argument about it, just attempting to correct the misconception that somehow circumcision is the norm worldwide; it's in the minority (around 70% of men in the world aren't circumcised, including the vast majority of Europe).