Today, I watched my boyfriend have a full on conversation with his penis. He also talks to his penis nicer than he talks to me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML
Today, as usual, my boyfriend referred to his penis in the third person as "Mr. Willy". Even during sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that if I had a penis, our relationship would be better. FML
Today, I realized my boyfriend uses sex as a way to get me to stop talking. FML
Today, I woke up from a dream in which I had a penis. Apparently I talk in my sleep, because my boyfriend kept staring at my crotch. FML
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Suddenly, he grabbed my 'lower' lips and moved them in a talking motion, proclaiming that "the talking vagina declares war and wants to conquer the great penis." FML
Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML
Today, I caught my boyfriend in the bathtub interrogating his penis and "drowning" it when it wouldn't answer him. FML
Today my boyfriend told me that dirty talk with me was like potty training a puppy. FML
Today, my boyfriend's antisocial father actually decided to talk to me. Too bad I couldn't respond, due to the fact that I still had his son's penis in my mouth. FML
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Top comments
cinnamonbuns69 8
What a dick!
itssosparkly 21
Don't take it to heart. Maybe he and dicks just have more in common.
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Comments (95)
cinnamonbuns69 8
What a dick!
slick5880 22
The bond between a man and his penis is very special. Even if the two of you have been together for many years, I can guarantee those two have been together much longer. Don't be jealous.
starwind3438 9
Your tattoo is awesome 15.
sarah56195 0
Buh duh tss
LolFMLnot 10
Bend down and start talking to his penis. Ignore him completely and also be nicer to his penis
farnsworth 3
I hope your ok especially since he probably beats his penis
jezane 9
Slick5880 is right, the bond is very strong.. Let's face it, they have been together since the start, though the good times and the 'Hard' times...
ChickInGreenVans 12
LOL!! I totally second yo on that!!
misterjez 15
Start licking it and taking it within your mouth. He will stop, trust me.
_ebbonyy 11
you made something good sound so disgusting. I shuddered when you said 'take it within your mouth'
LunaDragon 10
Maybe not, he might start doing this. Op "hey my little superman you like that dont you, oh yeah, wait what's that she's going to rough" Op to his gf: b!tch I told you not so hard.
kayla_ann0o 9
You're an expert on how to get someone to stop talking to their penis aren't you.
i_am_the_guy 1
I agree with 41
Marakie 16
U r nasty uck
jerseyboy732 16
next time your giving him head give his friend a nice chomp
connerwonner 7
That's dangerous
GoingToBeAPilot1 6
That's nice. Most extreme pains usually result in a natural punch or kicking movement.
jerseyboy732 16
55: I'm not gay so chill out I have a gf
BloodMonger13 9
are u sure you know alot of gay guys hide the fact that they are and date girls it's ok if you don't want to come out of the closet right now but when you do...
itssosparkly 21
Don't take it to heart. Maybe he and dicks just have more in common.
Airman1988 9
Yea suppose he could talking to his asshole..
challan 19
7- touché! Lmao! what a conversation that would be! Asshole, what we did last night has to be between you and me. I don't want it getting out. It was just so... Dirty... But so... Right! You opened up a whole new world of possibilities. In not just out. Shhh... No need to reply, your breath smells like shit.
leogirl95 12
Hey Dick, meet my close friend, Asshole!
leogirl95 12
Well, alright, I was just making a joke. No name calling.
Airman1988 9
******* don't like dicks because they get ****** by them, but ducks also **** assholes. Assholes just want to shit all over everything. ******* may think they can deal with assholes their way but the only thing that can **** an ass is a dick with some balls. The problem with dicks is they **** too much or when its inappropriate, and it takes a pussy to show them that. But sometimes ******* can be so full of shit that they become assholes themselves, because ******* are only an inch and a half from assholes. I don't know much about this crazy crazy world but I do know this: if you don't let us **** thus asshole, were going to have our dicks and ******* covered in shit.
itssosparkly 21
And to think that all these years I've been thinking of "ducks" as innocent creatures, 39.
syki 22
Ducks are actually brutal serial rapists. No joke there. Look it up.
Airman1988 9
Apparently no one has seen Team America World Police
dominic1221 6
I have. It was funny in the movie, but it's not really funny when people just plagiarize jokes when they could try being original instead, ya'know?
Zedd_fml 8
Of course they have things in common, like right hand, or maybe left hand, when right hand is busy clicking the mouse.
yahoowizard 16
At least it will always be there for him, whenever he wants, to listen and put a smile on his face
DespairFaction 11
It always leaves him hanging what are you talking about?
FYLminerocks 7
He's just trying to raise his penis like a good man by talking to it, and teaching it lessons so then it's nice to you.
Pentium_4 27
start talking to it as well, i think his reaction would be funny
lyssalovesyou 0
Omg lol
maloafi 8
what a nice way
mandadarling 10
Pfft don't act like you aren't impressed. At least his dick doesn't bitch at him haha
stash01 0
Bf: What's got you down Penis? Penis: ... Bf: Want me to cheer you up? Penis: ... Bf: OK. OP, come give me a hand to cheer Penis up. OP: WTF?
sm0kinBCBudz 0
11- I LOL'D so hard