Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and I lustfully requested we try doggy style this time. He responded, "No, Jesus wouldn't like that." FML
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Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while trying some new kinky things with my boyfriend, he cried out, "Call me Jesus!" Yeah... I think we're done with that. FML
Today, I met up with my boyfriend early before work to have some "fun time". We hadn't had sex in a while and decided to try it doggy style, up against the wall. We had been doing it for about 15 minutes until he abruptly stopped and said, "I don't know if it's in." It was. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend doggy-style. I was getting close when he suddenly blurts out, "Babe, you really need to bleach your asshole." FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he started pretending he was a dog. This included barking, licking my face, and scratching his ears. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in the missionary position. Once again, our cat decided to crawl onto his back and stare at me. FML
Today, as we were getting ready for sex, I told my man to fuck my face, and it was great until he shoved my face in his ass, yelling, "Eat my ass! Eat it!" I had to explain that ass eating is not something I'm comfortable with. FML
Today, I was feeling frisky and asked my boyfriend if he wanted a blowjob. He said, "Fuck no", then rolled over to go to sleep. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML
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Top comments
alternative-facts 6
If he really wants to go that way, Jesus wouldn't appreciate you guys having sex at all, unless you were expressly trying to procreate. If your boyfriend is ok "wasting his seed" and fornicating for pleasure, he shouldn't be so hypocritical as to refuse to do it doggy style. Right?
Nabexis 9
Tell him that if Jesus really Cared what position people had sex in, there wouldn't be over 7 billion people on the planet.
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Comments (34)
Nabexis 9
Tell him that if Jesus really Cared what position people had sex in, there wouldn't be over 7 billion people on the planet.
alternative-facts 6
If he really wants to go that way, Jesus wouldn't appreciate you guys having sex at all, unless you were expressly trying to procreate. If your boyfriend is ok "wasting his seed" and fornicating for pleasure, he shouldn't be so hypocritical as to refuse to do it doggy style. Right?
ballerinaaub 17
And! If he's her boyfriend then they shouldn't be having sex unless they're husband and wife because sex before marriage is a sin dontcha know?! *sarcasm*
RichardPencil 32
It's called the missionary position for a reason. And I'm guessing anal is out of the question.
jbuckets_404 39
RichardP: LOL!
Cynical_1 26
Ok, so either your boyfriend has named his penis Jesus, or he is just really weird. Actually, he's pretty weird either way. Sorry OP.
species4872 20
Apparently your boyfriend doesn't want to lead you astray.
sherbear23 13
If he really thinks that Jesus wouldn't like that, he probably shouldn't be having sex outside of marriage. I think sex positions should be the least of his worries in this case if he is so adamant about pleasing Jesus.
blupenguin29 14
That represents religion pretty well. Not that Jesus wouldn't like doggy, but how people take religion out of context to benefit them.
Nysha 17
And you said, "Lucky I'm not having sex with Jesus, then"
MiltoxB 1
*Morgan Freeman Starts Speaking in the Background* And that was the last time she ever saw that jesus loving fool. What is wrong with you boy? A woman tells her to flip her over, you flip her over like a god-damned pancake that's about to burn. Back in my day... *Morgan Freeman keeps talking to himself as he starts to leave their closet and head back home*
Donnasbroeikas 11
Sounds More like Samuel L. Jackson to me
ObscureReference 1
Plot twist: Jesús is his boyfriend.