Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while trying some new kinky things with my boyfriend, he cried out, "Call me Jesus!" Yeah... I think we're done with that. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and I lustfully requested we try doggy style this time. He responded, "No, Jesus wouldn't like that." FML
Today, as usual, my boyfriend referred to his penis in the third person as "Mr. Willy". Even during sex. FML
Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying I needed to come home immediately. When I got there, he informed me that the reason I needed to rush home from work was because he wiped a booger on the wall and it was in the shape of a penis. He said it's a sign, like when people see Jesus in toast. FML
Today, I watched my boyfriend have a full on conversation with his penis. He also talks to his penis nicer than he talks to me. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided it'd be funny to create a "place" on Facebook for my vagina. Now he "checks-in" every time we have sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend referred to his penis as 'The Eye of Sauron'. It didn't help when he pulled down his foreskin, pointed it in my direction and said 'I see you'. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided that vaginal, oral, and anal sex are starting to get boring. Let's just say that my armpit is now drenched in lube. I'm afraid of what he's going to want to try once he gets bored of this. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML
Today, my boyfriend insisted that I start calling him "Professor Fucktard" in the bedroom. He seems to be dead serious about it. FML
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Top comments
elodea_fml 0
... he seems cool o_O
quelbaby 0
hahaha that sounds like something my bf would say as a joke lol.. I hope u took it lightly and mucked around with him bak lol
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Comments (323)
FatMooseEars 0
yeah, cause this is totally a fml? not really..you must e a sensitive bitch.
tweetbaby14 18
maybe you should hammer it to a cross so it can really be like Jesus
scuba1722 0
it sacrificed so much for your sins and will rise again hardened with those crimes and **** you on judgement day
x_HELLo_tHERE_x 0
Well done scuba. I salute you!
cinnaluna 0
*thinks* ......ow.
LTMcleod 0
there we go, that was good
kitsunedemon1 2
well done! :D
tuscany 0
jesus will enlighten you hahahaha
Playout 0
Crucify Jesus
you_guys_are_dum 0
your bf has a sense of humor. you don't. so really, **** his life.
zuuzuu_fml 0
that's soo funny!! LOL but not a FML!!
fuckyouasshole66 0
lmao thats funny i bet ur dull and boring
KASHMIR_fml 0
hahahahahaha EPIC WIN
Nikolee 0
lol sounds like he is loosing ways to get into your pants but coming up with great lines
lovesexhugs 0
so question to people on here. girls:what would you name your penis if you had one?! guys: what do you call yours if you do have a nickname for it????
KASHMIR_fml 0
I call mine chuck Norris. no explanation necessary.
FatMooseEars 0
you can name it.
blackirish44 0
Bing-Bao :)
thump_fml 0
mike hawk
HamsteronA 0
mines called harry potter. that's how magical it is
scuba1722 0
perdixxx u know u call it scuba steve after my pure awesomness... and i don't call upon him untill it's a sure thing, so if you really want to know guess what's gotta happen lol
saltz 0
so scuba is into the men I see
XDNurse 0
omg #57 you made me remember that fml when the guy told his gf he wanted to "put his basilisk into her chamber of secrets" lmfao! you made my day ;)
saltz 0
I name mine mini me, mini because I've got baby dick, and me to impy awesomeness
scuba1722 0
not at all into men what made u jump to that
lickmyjock 0
I call my junk simply "mr"
thoughtcrimeno1 0
Zeus, cos I'm a pagan
saltz 0
it definately sounded as if you were proposing sexual favors to perdixxx
purplemnm 9
my uncle told me the name for his in high school was "cherry poppin daddy" :/