Today, as usual, my boyfriend referred to his penis in the third person as "Mr. Willy". Even during sex. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I watched my boyfriend have a full on conversation with his penis. He also talks to his penis nicer than he talks to me. FML
Today, my boyfriend referred to his penis as 'The Eye of Sauron'. It didn't help when he pulled down his foreskin, pointed it in my direction and said 'I see you'. FML
Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML
Today, during sex I said my side dick's name instead of my boyfriend. He isn't speaking to me now. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML
Today, I found out if I refuse my boyfriend anything in public, he will continually yell out, "Penis!" until he gets his way. FML
Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML
Today, my husband called me to the bedroom to show me something. This "something" was him demonstrating his seemingly well-trained ability to accurately type out a sentence on my phone using nothing but his erect penis. FML
Today, while me and my boyfriend were having sex, he moaned out his own name. FML
Today, my girlfriend refered to her vagina as a meat wallet, and to my penis as small change. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Exodiafinder687 58
Just make sure you have some lube in case Willy wants to visit his chocolate factory.
challan 19
Oompa Loompa doom-pa-dee-do... He has the perfect penis for you. Oompa Loompa doom-pa-dee-dee... If you are wise, you'll listen to me. What do you get when you guzzle down cum? Eating and getting it in the bum. Why are you at getting terribly sore? Because he thinks your his personal *****.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (77)
paolino_fml 18
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
He's a keeper
keiNan_fml 35
he's a digger
meli1195 31
more like he's a crazy, but crazy is good
GatherTheMice 15
Is that not seductive enough for you?
jazman195 20
My ex used to call his the "Dark Knight" because "bitches love it when the Dark Knight rises" I kinda liked it haha
tehman117 21
Is he a private in the penis millitary? and is his last name johnson?
Exodiafinder687 58
Just make sure you have some lube in case Willy wants to visit his chocolate factory.
challan 19
Oompa Loompa doom-pa-dee-do... He has the perfect penis for you. Oompa Loompa doom-pa-dee-dee... If you are wise, you'll listen to me. What do you get when you guzzle down cum? Eating and getting it in the bum. Why are you at getting terribly sore? Because he thinks your his personal *****.
AnalAssassin1 14
I giggled.
keiNan_fml 35
you my friend are one of a kind
dakid87 10
Brilliant! You won the internet for today
xninix_fml 36
@15 that was amazing :D
challan 19
thanks 39 :)
JocelynKaulitz 28
I'd suggest you watch out for wet Willys.
quickit 24
Wouldn't want willy going inside your ears.
Emzinatorbot 26
So I guess you could say you had a threesome
Greenteamextreme 16
Surely he wouldn't have a problem with 'Miss ******' then?
tranced_ 45
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
doesn't matter, had sex.
MRSwick2525 23
oh how original of you to say something so old and stupid!
KhaleesiDannie 26
Well Mr.Willy and Ms.Kitty should try have some kind of weird tea party you'll either both doe laughing or maybe he'll stop XD
meli1195 31
are you ok?
coming back in the future 30
I bet you willy want him to stop.