Today, I was watching TV when a Dentyne gum commercial came on and stated that the average person spends more than 20,000 minutes kissing. I've spent less than three. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I almost died. How? I nearly suffocated after passing out while chewing an entire pack of gum. I should really drink less. FML
Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML
Today, I was in the cinema making out with my girlfriend. I asked her if she could stop trying to pass me her gum because it was kinda gross. She replied, "It's not gum, I just have bronchitis." FML
Today, I watched my girlfriend slowly floss her teeth, and then eat what showed up on the floss. FML
Today, I saw my boyfriend spitting the mouthwash back into the bottle, because, "this stuff is really expensive." FML
Today, I spent the whole day seeing how many licks it would take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop: 763. I'm 24. FML
Today, I was trying on lingerie in the dressing room of Victoria’s Secret with my boyfriend next to me. I told my him in a seductive, playful tone “You can stay and watch if you give me a piece of your gum.” He said “No I only have three more” and left the room. FML
Today, I noticed a cute girl in the checkout lane at the store. Feeling a little flirtatious, I decided to blow a bubble with my gum to get her attention. I accidentally shot the gum out of my mouth onto the guy next to me, spitting all over myself in the process. FML
Today, I was kissing my crush for the first time and her tooth fell out into my mouth. FML
Today, I talked to my crush for half an hour. It wasn't until I was home that I realised I had some remains of the sausage roll I ate an hour earlier spread all over my teeth. FML
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Top comments
luigisf 0
10-that is right about...a *****. you're too young.
Jessi_the_sexii 0
only 19997 minutes to go(:
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Comments (340)
Freeze_fml 17
Don't bitch about it.
mageoreh 0
Why can't I hold all these limes?
Freeze_fml 17
LOL Limewire
firebuff107 0
Better than zero.
oldenuff2party 3
3 vodka shts. and 1 shot of triple sec.
kamkak 0
dont feel bad. I have spent 0 mins and 0 seconds kissing. And I'm 19...no im not ugly or fat eiher..
Spastastic 6
I'm in the same boat and I'm 20... it's really not that big of a deal if you've got your head on straight.
NorfolkDude 2
I'm 26, and spent 0 minutes kissing anyone. I'm unsure what the importance of finding a "lover" is. Sure it is a natural thing to feel loved and wanted and needed, however, there comes a question of "why" do you need this? What makes it so special that you require outside assurance to something? Is it required that you mate frequently and as often as possible?
noboundary 9
exactly dude.
sugarnspicee 8
Haha, don't worry about it. (: You've got your whole lifetime to catch up.
lidemocr 0
I'll bet you are still young, you'll have plenty more time!
muffinkitty 15
look, no biggie. I'm 15, and haven't but this is by choice. :) my friends always think its silly at first, but later they understand and respect it. anyone could get laid, or kissed. but than it wouldn't be special would it? so don't stress, and be proud u haven't kissed anyone yet. it's more than alot of people can say. :)
evilhobbitofdoom 4
I was 19 before I kissed for the first time, and I've only ever kissed the man I am currently engaged to. We've probably kissed a total of an hour or two though.
OhMyHolyBalls 0
This confused at first me because 19 seems pretty old for a first kiss...then I saw your username. Lord of the Rings nerd, that explains everything.
Freeze_fml 17
Says OhMyHolyBalls.
animejen1988 9
I'm 22 and I've spent 0 minutes kissing, and I'm not ugly.
Geiko_fml 0
You're just waiting for the right time. Or something. Don't know your case. Good head, though.