Today, I was in the cinema making out with my girlfriend. I asked her if she could stop trying to pass me her gum because it was kinda gross. She replied, "It's not gum, I just have bronchitis." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML
Today, instead of pushing me away or simply stopping for a minute, my girlfriend kept kissing me as she was trying to get phlegm out of her throat. The slimy goo ended up in the back of my mouth. I can still taste it. FML
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend wiping a booger off her finger and onto my lip. FML
Today, I went to the movies with a friend and her grandma. Her grandma was using toothpicks and dropping them on the ground next to our popcorn bucket. I took a big handful of popcorn, and was fortunate enough to get a piece of her toothpick lodged in my throat. FML
Today, my girlfriend complained that I don't kiss her often enough. The problem is her breath. It's disgusting. I gently answered, "Well, you don't kiss me often either." Now she keeps kissing me. FML
Today, my girlfriend got pissed when I told her she needed to brush her teeth more than once a day. I could smell her breath from across the bed. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend, and ended up sitting next to this girl who wouldn't stop sneezing. Grossed out, I asked my boyfriend if we could switch seats. After doing so, the girl immediately stopped sneezing and started flirting with him. FML
Today, I noticed a cute girl in the checkout lane at the store. Feeling a little flirtatious, I decided to blow a bubble with my gum to get her attention. I accidentally shot the gum out of my mouth onto the guy next to me, spitting all over myself in the process. FML
Today, while kissing my girlfriend's neck, I sneezed a blob of snot onto her. She told me that "it doesn't matter", while hiccuping a bit of vomit. FML
Today, my girlfriend texted me to pick her up some medicine because she’s "all plugged up." When I arrived with laxatives, she yelled at me. She meant her sinuses. FML
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Top comments
leo-spring 3
and I am done with my lunch.
Deez_Knots 10
Wtf. She’s gross.
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Comments (26)
leo-spring 3
and I am done with my lunch.
BurnInDemonFire 39
Try new Mucus-flavored Hubba Bubba. Chew it on the bus, at work, or even while you're trying to get to second base with your girlfriend. And our patented new formula makes the flavor last 5x longer than any of our previous chewing gums. Look out for all our new flavors, including Pus, Blood, and Earwax. Find them all in the candy aisle, exclusively at Walmart.
WHSKitty4ever 23
Ewwwww lmao
BurnInDemonFire 39
Walmart makes me react the same way.
Deez_Knots 10
Wtf. She’s gross.
Phillycheeze 20
Well at least it wasn't a Snowball.
ojosRojos 28
That is vile. 🤢
NostalgiaFreak9 43
What the **** is wrong with her?
TheSminty1 17
When I was in school I was told the same joke. I was in school 30 years ago.
Henning Tesch 8
Low levels? Can't belive this is coming from a girl... 😷
BEEEEES 15
I'd emediately throw up on her, dump her, and leave her there. I'd like to think that I would never even accidentally meet a person that disgusting.
Soberbiker 1
Ain't nobody got time for that.