Today, I was watching TV when a Dentyne gum commercial came on and stated that the average person spends more than 20,000 minutes kissing. I've spent less than three. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I almost died. How? I nearly suffocated after passing out while chewing an entire pack of gum. I should really drink less. FML
Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML
Today, I was in the cinema making out with my girlfriend. I asked her if she could stop trying to pass me her gum because it was kinda gross. She replied, "It's not gum, I just have bronchitis." FML
Today, I watched my girlfriend slowly floss her teeth, and then eat what showed up on the floss. FML
Today, I saw my boyfriend spitting the mouthwash back into the bottle, because, "this stuff is really expensive." FML
Today, I spent the whole day seeing how many licks it would take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop: 763. I'm 24. FML
Today, I was trying on lingerie in the dressing room of Victoria’s Secret with my boyfriend next to me. I told my him in a seductive, playful tone “You can stay and watch if you give me a piece of your gum.” He said “No I only have three more” and left the room. FML
Today, I noticed a cute girl in the checkout lane at the store. Feeling a little flirtatious, I decided to blow a bubble with my gum to get her attention. I accidentally shot the gum out of my mouth onto the guy next to me, spitting all over myself in the process. FML
Today, I was kissing my crush for the first time and her tooth fell out into my mouth. FML
Today, I talked to my crush for half an hour. It wasn't until I was home that I realised I had some remains of the sausage roll I ate an hour earlier spread all over my teeth. FML
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Top comments
luigisf 0
10-that is right about...a *****. you're too young.
Jessi_the_sexii 0
only 19997 minutes to go(:
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Comments (340)
pster03 0
then don't watch tv
iltby 3
Yeah, in an entire lifetime...and you're what, 16? Give it some time.
LilaBear 2
You're not dead either. Stop your sooking... that stat will be in reference to an entire lifetime. I'm willing to bet you're nowhere near the end of a standard lifetime.
spiderbesideher 0
sulking, not sooking, dumb ass
iltby 3
Sooking is also perfectly relevant...
spiderbesideher 0
tuff shit
dusthawg 4
all you kids that think it's cool spending your time having sex, kissing, having oral at the age of 12-14 you guys are ******, you make it so vulnerable for date rapes to happen which isn't cool. smarten up and focus on school not your sex life.
kimbaheartsyou 0
Could you direct me to some research that discusses a direct correlation between being sexually active at a young age and becoming a rape victim?
shitthappened 0
its ******* kissing.. you all are freakin bout 10 jesus christ this is elementary shit
MeTaLhEaD231 0
I've spent 0. and I'm 16
Dellis002 0
who really counts how long they have.
EightInchNails 9
You bastard! I was going to post this! Except I've clocked in 0 minutes. lol
usmc1113 0
thats okay im 18 averege looking and have spent none... so u have me beat.