Today, I woke up with a burning sensation on my butt. Remembering that yesterday I was bit by a fire ant, I decided to reinspect the bite. I found ten more which itch and burn. My parents' new nickname for me is "Firebutt". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I burned my butt on the heater when I tried to warm up after my shower. FML
Today, I felt an itch on my butt so I went to the bathroom to scratch it. It was actually a dried layer of skin that broke from years of wear and tear, and now every time I shit I feel immense pain for the next hour. FML
Today, I had to call the doctor regarding my penis. Not because of erectile dysfunction or an erection lasting more than four hours, but because of the multiple fire ant bites I woke up to after falling asleep in my backyard. FML
Today, I was applying some Icy Hot to my sore thighs, when I accidentally got a little on my dime sacks. For the next hour, it felt like someone had lit a match under my plums. FML
Today, I decided to lay out and tan. I fell asleep and got sun burned and bitten numerous times by mosquitoes. If I scratch my itch, the burn hurts terribly. If I don't scratch it, it itches terribly. FML
Today, I put aftershave on my fingers to encourage myself to stop biting my nails. I absentmindedly rubbed my eye a few minutes later. It burnt like hell. FML
Today, I was taking my shower, as usual. As I was putting soap on my behind, I heard a pop. I also felt a burning sensation near my butthole. I have a blood filled bubble in my arse, which got infiltrated with soap. I have a drums lesson in a bit. My butt is stinging. FML
Today, on a whim, I decided to try to light a fart on fire. I now know how it feels to take a dump when you have a burn directly on your asshole. FML
Today, I found out I'm allergic to bug repellent. So instead of having a couple of itchy bug bites, my skin feels like it's on fire and is violently itchy everywhere the repellent has touched. FML
Today, I put icy hot on my aching shoulders, like I have been for several days. They seemed extra tender today, and it wasn't until the burning started that I realized I had put icy hot directly on a very angry sunburn. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
WarmedIce 0
haha that's bites!
uupa99 0
that sure sucks, firebutt.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (95)
WarmedIce 0
haha that's bites!
mattman1994 0
Way to be creative mom and dad o_O
Prototype12 0
yea sure, ants
OhMyHolyBalls 0
Aww OP, I'm so sorry /: ...Firebutt (;
2kool4skoolyo 0
did you know that there is something called anti-cream and anti-burn cream too!?! use it sir and it will make the pain go away :)
skroal 7
Rub mayonnaise on the bites. I'm not even kidding.
sammehsaurus 0
At least you have a hot ass? lol:)
bigredmonkeybutt 30
Were you sitting on a fireant mound naked? fireants are a fact of life here in Florida. How could you not feel the 10+ fireants crawling on you? Your nick should be NumbButt.
bigbadtim 7
Burn, baby, burn.
StopTheFuckinCar_fml 0
you know damn well you got hemorrhoids.
airborn54 0
hardly a FML
skroal 7
26 - How would I see it? I truly am serious.
skroal 7
I understand. That doesn't change the fact that I wasn't joking.
mrgiraffe 0
lol fail 12 anti-cream
KiddNYC1O 22
abracadabra!
tweetbaby14 18
it's better than firecrotch; that is a much more serious disease.
2kool4skoolyo 0
33 I meant anti itch lol
_TONGAN_ 5
I bet OP's Butt looks like #20's picture now lol
sparklesxD 0
#18 - Win.
RugbyKid 0
got one thing to say "goldbon it the fix for almost every itch"
iTaylor 0
ahh good one 51 and I LOVE your picture!! and Firebutt, fyl.
zakkyzebra 11
firecrotch. will you take firebutt to be your lawfully wedded wife?
WTF_FML_FTW 0
BUTTSCRATCHA? BUTTSCRATCHA?
TechnoTaco 0
"Hey baby Im no liar, You better stop drop n' roll cuz your BUTT'S ON FIRE!" Anyone get my reference? :]
cubanchick 0
my bf calls me frostbutt cuz my butt gets really cold at night. :)
INsayn 0
ANTICORTIZONE
01sparkly 15
Haha firebutt
uupa99 0
that sure sucks, firebutt.
lemonlife 0
hahahhahshaha firrreeebutttt
Person1233 13
Shove salsa up their asses.
FyourLIFEdotCOM8 0
how did they bite your butt? Did you sit on them????
Person1233 13
Most ants have legs. Just in case you didn't know...
AsianTurtle 0
Yet you still call it a sensation 0.o
fmlroxsmysoxsoff 2
hahahahahaha I like ur parents lol but yeah fyl that suxs and it must hurt wen u go to the bathroom...
skatingalyy 0
that sounds painfull...I'm sorry op :/
Geiko_fml 0
Get some of that cream that you can rub on your ass to stop the burning and itching. I forget the name...
impatientkarma 0
Are you sure it's ant bites?
ruben7467 0
this is stupid.