Today, I was trying on lingerie in the dressing room of Victoria’s Secret with my boyfriend next to me. I told my him in a seductive, playful tone “You can stay and watch if you give me a piece of your gum.” He said “No I only have three more” and left the room. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend gave me lingerie from Victoria's Secret. He then added that his mother picked it out. FML
Today, I was at the mall with my friend when I saw my boyfriend in Victoria's Secret - with another girl. They were joking and laughing, and I was really pissed off. So I stormed into the store and slapped him. He looked up at me with an angry and confused expression. It wasn't my boyfriend. FML
Today, my fiancé and I were cuddling in bed talking about our future wedding coming up. He leaned over seductively to tell me he got a present for me to ‘use’ on our wedding day. It was a pack of breath mints. FML
Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML
Today, I noticed a cute girl in the checkout lane at the store. Feeling a little flirtatious, I decided to blow a bubble with my gum to get her attention. I accidentally shot the gum out of my mouth onto the guy next to me, spitting all over myself in the process. FML
Today, per my boyfriend's request, I bought some lingerie. He got so excited when he saw me, he ripped it off me right away. After we were done he used it to clean up. I essentially bought a $40 cum rag. FML
Today, I went shopping with my boyfriend. He tried on a pair of trousers which didn't fit, so he asked me to change them, so off I went. I returned with another pair for him to try on, found him bent over and blurted out, "What's with the terrible underwear?" I'd entered the wrong changing room. FML
Today, I bought something special at Victoria's Secret, then sat in bumper-to-bumper traffic for 2 hours to get to my boyfriend's house. When I got there, he broke up with me. We're 37 years old and he actually gave me the "it's not you, it's me" speech. FML
Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML
Today, I was on the phone with a client, when the gum I was casually chewing fell out of my mouth and down my shirt. While I was trying to dig it out, two of our newest customers walked into the lobby to see what looked like me fondling my breasts. FML
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Top comments
lemonkid44 0
NEVER come between a man and his gum.
EFFyourlifecait 0
im sorry, but that just made my day.
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Comments (89)
lemonkid44 0
NEVER come between a man and his gum.
aria02 0
lol it gets real ova gum
Ninjasaurus18 9
Or me and my gum.
gman90210 18
Where do you women find all these idiots that you all want and keep even when they don't treat y'all right? I mean comon
Manchee 3
Hoe is he not treating her right? Its his gum he can do as he pleases.
EFFyourlifecait 0
im sorry, but that just made my day.
PsychobillyRebel 14
Mine too x)
leannayourcool 0
Oh my god, that's hilarious.
NorfolkDude 2
I don't for the life of me understand this post? Maybe someone can help me. What kind of pick up line is, "You can watch if you give me a piece of gum?" That right there would make me get up and leave as well because that is probably the most insane thing I've ever heard.
sensoon15 7
kinda sounds like a prostitute. but still funny :D
Rollercoaster_fml 0
spot on #10
cybergirl_fml 0
you fail at life.
Idyedmyhairblack 0
haha he sounds like a loser!!
deeznutzismine 0
i've got all the gum you can chew.
aria02 0
lol
killa723 0
lol
bandgirrl 9
lol
CaramelMacchiato 13
lol
uhhSavage 22
lol
ShadowlessSpear 21
Lol
haygurlhay 0
LOL.
disgruntled_stdt 0
If you're the type who goes shopping for 4h+, then I'd sympathize with the guy. After a 4th hour of watching a gf try on lingerie, I'd be concerned too that I wouldn't have any gum for the next 3...