Today, I was walking with and hugging my girlfriend at the same time. I tried to be funny and touched her breast, saying "Boob" in a silly voice. In reply, she slapped me in the crotch, saying "Dick" in the same voice. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while I was hanging out with a cute girl, I slapped her ass playfully. She told me that she was going to get me back. She slapped my ass later that night unexpectedly while I was holding in a huge fart... It came out. FML
Today, I was at a local restaurant. The girl that I like walked by so I tried to give her a high five. My hand ended up on her boob instead. FML
Today, my wife slapped me for touching her boobs during sex. FML
Today, I was cuddling on the couch with my girlfriend when I started to tickle her, she asked me to stop but I continued. She had a reaction, and kneed me in the happy sacks. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were hugging in the hall after school. This annoying kid I know walked by, and yelled, "Tiny penis!" at me. My girlfriend responded, "Yep." FML
Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML
Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML
Today my girlfriend was on top during sex. I went to slap her butt, missed and nailed myself in the balls. We had to stop. She wouldn't stop laughing. FML
Today, I spotted my girlfriend in a store. She didn't notice me, so I went behind her, put my hands over her eyes, and said "Guess who." I got an elbow to the groin and mace to the face. While I was rolling on the ground in pain, she simply said, "Serves you right" and walked away. FML
Today, I walked my girlfriend home. As I kissed her goodbye, I heard a high-pitched scream and turned just in time to see her little brother charge head-first into my nuts. All because I kissed her on the cheek. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
canadian_ftw 8
whenever an FML says 'I tried to be funny...' it's like an instant YDI.
cufaoil 11
well, you were acting like a dick, OP
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (110)
youngclench 0
PWND
movie141 0
haha
s_sandoval 0
^^ sexy ;)
boyguydudemalema 0
oh wow, thats a little bit too much tho. what if you guys jokingly touched your bf's dick and said "dick" then he slaps/punch you saying "face"? how'd you assholes feel? even if it was offensive, i dont think it was enough reason to slap a guy's dick. its funny when a guy's dick is being slapped but it isn't when a girl is experiencing equal pain.
Bullet4MyChemaMo 12
56, I'd react the same way if someone groped my breast without warning then tried to make a joke out of it.
raw_tigahh 2
*of.... let the grammar Nazi march begin
DudeImBetter 0
why is 23 so bomb?
boyguydudemalema 0
63, i get your point, but she's his gf, so that prolly means he has unlimited boob access. except if they're just starting out.
SynchronicityII 0
My profile picture details the aftermath of this little incident.
beeship321 5
You all make great points but how I see it is she thought it was unnecessary to grope her especially in public so she was showing him how she interpreted it. Commentor who was talking about pain-she probably didn't try to cause pain but just to make him feel as uncomfortable as she felt
stro88 6
pwned is the correct answer.
SarahBearXoX 0
maybe she was pissed 'cause if you roughly touch a boob it can hurt.
FMLandurstoo 9
73- unlimited boob access haha
blankaex 0
Well it looks like you just got... Wait for it... *Puts on sunglasses* Pwnt. YEEEEAAAHHH!! Just had to try that. It's fun, you guys try it too!
Seddah 3
#73, just because a couple is dating does not automatically mean the boyfriend has "unlimited boob access", as you put it. It's her body. If she doesn't want him groping it in public, he deserves a dick slap for not respecting her.
catstuff 0
ha!
xXSweetNightmare 0
Haha, that's what you get, OP. ;D
monkeybanana 7
She sounds like a keeper ;) hahah
gabberrs 8
Yeah really! I mean he was acting like an immature ten year old, he deserved it big time.
cufaoil 11
well, you were acting like a dick, OP
Bees_fml 0
That's still no reason for her to inflict physical pain.
jocelyng_fml 0
13 it's also no reason for him to embarrass her in public
daminantion 14
She's lucky he's taking her out of the kitchen for once
mitchem 3
embarrassment in public is no comparison to the physical pain she inflicted on him. this wasn't an eye for an eye situation, more like an eye for an arm.
summersizzle 0
everyone is oveanalyzing this wayyyyy tooooo much!! let's remember that this happened in a 10 second time period, the pain she was inflicting was probably the last thing she thought of, just like he probably wasn't thinking of the embarrassment. he thought it would be funny however idiotic, and she thought it would equally embarrass him/make him uncomfortable. I doubt they had time to analyze every little bit of everything like we are doing now.
Bella_is_my_name 4
LMFAO! @ 102!!!!!!!!!!!
jessicaaaax33 0
lmao, dumb men.
youngclench 0
Stfu get off your mans computer and go back to that dungeon called a kitchen
jjhester 0
win ^
lwd305 0
4=a woman 6=a boss
mitchem 3
I would appreciate it if you said man not men. Don't lump me or everyone else in just because of what one person did.
thefat_1 0
hi
yummycupcakegirl 0
Who does that? You knew something was about to happen.
SaintE_fml 0
boob
imnotonaboat 0
dick
lil_ham1644 29
My bf does that all the time. We're mature enough to only do stuff like that if no one is looking. He was just trying to be finny
Sansa_fml 38
Yeah, I hate it when someone thinks they can do that in public.
perdix 31
You two ought to be doing TSA pat-downs at the local airport. People prefer to be screened by helpful volunteers who aren't wearing those scary uniforms. Give it a go!
riseagainst8767x 0
haha
TheNinjaBuffalo 0
win
afroninjashuffle 0
yea! lol
KiaraMonet 0
Haha, Burned.
Kingspin 0
Slapped, actually.
agsilver 14
Nut Tapped, to be more specific.
ALBATROSS9080 0
thats a good thing, she wants your dick
XoX_CUPCAKES_XoX 0
my exact thoughts... lol
canadian_ftw 8
whenever an FML says 'I tried to be funny...' it's like an instant YDI.
bigphill1333 0
Woman! Get back to the kitchen and make me a sandwich.
myrrhdyrrh 3
you look like you're in your 30s and you used an????? cmon..
canadian_ftw 8
whatever, I'm not in my 30's, I'm 14.
JuggerzTheCat 0
um... WHEN were you 14?
mk58 31
111, I'm pretty sure she knows if she's 14 or not.
Coalke 5
She defiantly looks under 16. You need your glasses.
roxasfightshard 0
I agree with y
guessv_fml 6
haha!!