Today, my boyfriend decided to use glow-in-the-dark body paint to make an arrow on his stomach pointing down. I guess he thought he'd "spice up" the way he always demands a blow job before sex. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend proposed by painting his chest with "marry me?" and an arrow going down. The ring was attached to his penis with a string. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend ate glitter. When I asked him why he would do such an insane thing, he replied, "I wanted my jizz to sparkle." FML
Today, I waked in on my boyfriend and his best friend playing "Dick Wars" while wearing glow in the dark condoms. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to make me wear a fake mustache during sex. He said it "turns him on." FML
Today, in an attempt to spice things up a bit, my boyfriend and I discovered he takes it in the butt better than I do. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML
Today, my boyfriend did the Austin Powers dance/strip-tease while dancing to 'I Touch Myself'. It was cute until he ripped off his shirt and revealed that he'd shaved his chest hair in the shape of a penis. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided to show off one of his favorite skills: Peeing on my ceiling. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided that vaginal, oral, and anal sex are starting to get boring. Let's just say that my armpit is now drenched in lube. I'm afraid of what he's going to want to try once he gets bored of this. FML
Today, I dyed my hair blonde for my boyfriend, hoping it would help spice up our sex life. His response? It's still a few shades off from his favorite porn star. FML
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Top comments
ElainaCutsYou 0
Better follow the directions
flockz 20
considerate sex? WTF are you talking about?!?! bf- "may i please stick my willy in you now?" gf-"yes but remember to keep all your clothing on and go slowly so i you don't hurt me." bf- "ok but can i slap your gluteus maximus as well?" gf- " no tht would be inconsiderate for me and my skin. oh and by the way, if you cum before i do, i'm going to dump you for being so inconsiderate." no do you realizehow stupi your comment was?
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Comments (185)
ElainaCutsYou 0
Better follow the directions
akayc32 0
Or at least learn how to demand what she wants in return.
genesisnirvana 11
Follow the arrow. At least it's pointing to his front and not his back.
Kyzahhh 7
Interesting.. Where can I get this body paint
peachesbeach 0
exactly :) put one on your body too ;)
Keyman1212 14
Follow the yellow, glowing road... Err... Arrow. Yeah, do that Dorthy!
Majstr 23
Nex time you draw directions.
DesB 7
Screw that! My husband tried that before an that didn't last very long... Tell him everytime he "demands" a bj is another week without sex, clean clothes, an fresh hot dinner on the table when he comes home from work. I promise you he will stop "demanding" real quick!
sydneynault99 7
aah at least he made an effort to make you smile?
nixter5 18
34- NO SHIT
forkphoe 0
No duh Sherlock.
bubble25_fml 5
98 just set the woman's right movement back by fifty years... Good job, good job.
farhil 14
At least he didn't spraypaint a sandwich... Just sayin
n_epic_fail 14
"demanding" a ********? who does that bitch think he is? u should draw an arrow pointing to your ass with "kiss my" written over it. then u walk away.. with the rest of the paint.
badluckattack238 0
Hahaha. A sex goddess, indeed. And ladies, it's not that I'm stupid, I graduated with honors. It's not that I'm ugly, I'm beautiful. It's not that I need love, because I love myself. Oral is the most selfless of gestures, and being selfless is one of the greatest gifts you cab give someone. Who doesn't like getting gifts from the one they love, right? (;
LaydiexSkull 3
Are you saying ******** are the ultimate, homemade gifts?
VaGino432 0
yeah and you'll lose a man quick as **** doing that.
VaGino432 0
my fault, I mean to specify that my last post was directed at 98.
theaws0m3guy 4
I don't understand what's wrong with this situation.......giggity.
HomeAl0ne 20
Follow, follow, follow, follow, follow the yellow prick road....
demoneyesbob 0
Why are you having sex in the dark?
fips_the_monkey 0
Lol and what happened then? ;)
WIZchild 0
Dr.Phil did say "you gotta change it up every now and then"
MILFSaregood 7
You gotta use your imagination a bit OP maybe now you can be called the **** monster or something and you can state the obvious you wanna be ****** likkee **** to 69er you are free to land 10-4 **** *plane sounds* vroooomm **** goes straight into your pussy
MILFSaregood 7
You gotta use your imagination a bit OP maybe now you can be called the **** monster or something and you can state the obvious you wanna be ****** likkee **** to 69er you are free to land 10-4 **** *plane sounds* vroooomm **** goes straight into your pussy
Iamnotmyself 17
-2 Well first, the giants of New York urged her on, at first she was confused, but as the angels started to dance, she knew what to do. Long story short: She bit it off.
EmilyShmemily496 0
59-.........what the heck?
Ferretface 13
59/60 - Wtf?
Sammydubbs 2
He's a horny 14 year old boy nuff said.
fips_the_monkey 0
Wrong ;)
carlycrf 8
That's kind of awesome...
AshBop 5
Agreed! If my boyfriend did something that creative and funny, it'd make me want to go down there more than if he'd done something like pushing my face in that general direction.
Laurenlou 24
I agree too! OP should be thankful for her creative boyfriend. ;)
Stonedmanalex 0
Im very creative ladies
proxxX069069 7
Body paint :] my favorite thing! How cute of him lol
nollid7 5
That's kinda retarded as shit. Just let it happen.
chocolemonade 6
Well at least he got creative?
Ldesu 0
Tell him his airbender arrow is in the wrong spot.
ChangMu 8
******** are disgusting. Demand more considerate sex or dump him. You don't deserve that.
genesisnirvana 11
I can't tell you've never received head which is why you think giving it is so "disgusting". It's amazing how much an opinion can change after. I feel bad for your future spouse.
flockz 20
considerate sex? WTF are you talking about?!?! bf- "may i please stick my willy in you now?" gf-"yes but remember to keep all your clothing on and go slowly so i you don't hurt me." bf- "ok but can i slap your gluteus maximus as well?" gf- " no tht would be inconsiderate for me and my skin. oh and by the way, if you cum before i do, i'm going to dump you for being so inconsiderate." no do you realizehow stupi your comment was?
sherrbear 3
then dont expect someone to go down on you either.
lilovatch 4
This reply is so dumb
EODTEC 5
Um... What?
Minx108 12
How about you guys back off.. sex means different things to different people. maybe she does see that kind of intercourse as decent, she's entitled to her opinion you don't need to resort to meaningless exagerations.
lliki 0
You will make some man very un-happy
jumble 12
Actually #16, ******** aren't even that good for everyone. My bf didn't like it as much as he liked other things. Of course, it felt good for him, but he never acted like everyone seems to about getting head. It's really over-exaggerated.
a_nutritionist 10
@57 see heres the thing, suggesting she should be free to her opinion and others arent is a really stupid thing to say. it kinda sounds like youre supportive of her point or youd notice the obvious flaw in your comment. let me guess, youre free to an opinion and i need to shutup, right?
badluckattack238 0
******** are amazing. If you don't get nasty in the bedroom with your man, he'll find someone else who does...
Mrfyourlife 5
88- you both do things to satisfy the other. Keep each other happy in and out of the bedroom. Sex may not be the most important thing. But your not going to be married to someone for years without a strong sexual relationship. So yes, keep each other satisfied or they will eventually find someone who will.
Btreasure 8
Giving head actually, if your with the right guy can make you feel closer to them. If the have good hygiene and all then what's the problem? And women you can think of a BJ as replacement for sex. Haha just ask Katt Williams!!
maryrain 0
go be a prude somewhere else
duckman9 55
Even if I'll probably get thumbed down, I have to agree with you.. I don't mind giving, but I don't enjoy receiving...
BBGxBlondie 6
You know what we don't deserve? A sex-ed talk. So shut yo mouth.
Hmmm_ok 0
Shut up
RainbowHeadache 2
Yes. It is. A strong sexual relationship is important, 88. I'm having a kid in two months & I won't be able to have sex with my boyfriend right after but I sure as hell will make up for it with blowies. He doesn't deserve to be left hanging just because I'm tired or sore. It's pretty much insulting them when you say blow jobs are disgusting. You're insinuating that their junk is disgusting. (using you as a generalization.)
julz1115 0
off topicish but...they say 4-6 weeks before you have sex again. I just had a baby 6 weeks ago and i gotta warn you, be careful trying it early because it can start all your problems over again. I learned this the hard way. :-( also I hear that there are toys for guys so maybe you can give your jaw a rest....just saying
a_nutritionist 10
@133 the way youre talking makes it sound like she has to do it all the time...im sure the 100 or so hours rest between will be ample recovery time...
RainbowHeadache 2
I don't do it often enough to need a rest since he lives 5 hours away and I see him 2 weeks out of the month usually. I know the limit of sex after birth & I'll be too busy taking care of my kid to care about sexy time. No offense, but I listen to my doc when she says no sex for 6 weeks or more because she's obviously telling me that for a reason. Sex isn't so important that I risk my health over it. :P
cassideday 0
Leave her alone everyone thinks about sex differently and I for one can say I dont want to give or recive head.
Carriiee_fml 3
How Did You Make It Through Secondry? And Your Gay Aren't You?
gabrielbaby 9
Your an ass and yeah their both entitled to their opinion just as you are. Because right their was your opinion in the comment you posted. And my opinion is for you to shut the hell up.
gabrielbaby 9
Agreed. But if this person doesn't want to give their partner a bj then they shouldn't have too.
cutiecakes98 8
#57 was defending you dumbass . And saying EVERYONE is free to their opinion
Ldesu 0
What color was the body paint?
Squirrelx 5
Glow in the dark...
Squirrelx 5
Glow in the dark...
tonkaburner 2
glow in the dark - red?blue?green?yellow?purple?blue? glow in the dark is not a specific color duh!
CaitieKates 0
glow in the dark is usually like a yellowy green color....
a_nutritionist 10
i cant believe someone put glow in the dark as a colour...thats taking ignorant to a whole new level.
HomeAl0ne 20
Turns out it wasn't body paint. The boyfriend has radioactive poisoning and the last time he came on his stomach he left a glowing stain.
katiewsl 0
you gotta love a guy for trying ;)
dukefan302 4
Well if he demands a ******* you better bend over and give him a bj
Ninja_assassinXD 8
Eh. There Could be an arrow somewhere else...
jillianmathers12 13
Where??
flockz 20
his ass maybe? would you rather suck a dick or suck an ass? lol
FriskyTaco 0
#5, ******** are disgusting?? I feel sorry for your guy, and considerate sex is no fun
reallytho3 11
Yea sex is no time to b a gentleman