Today, I was walking with and hugging my girlfriend at the same time. I tried to be funny and touched her breast, saying "Boob" in a silly voice. In reply, she slapped me in the crotch, saying "Dick" in the same voice. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while I was hanging out with a cute girl, I slapped her ass playfully. She told me that she was going to get me back. She slapped my ass later that night unexpectedly while I was holding in a huge fart... It came out. FML
Today, I was at a local restaurant. The girl that I like walked by so I tried to give her a high five. My hand ended up on her boob instead. FML
Today, my wife slapped me for touching her boobs during sex. FML
Today, I was cuddling on the couch with my girlfriend when I started to tickle her, she asked me to stop but I continued. She had a reaction, and kneed me in the happy sacks. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were hugging in the hall after school. This annoying kid I know walked by, and yelled, "Tiny penis!" at me. My girlfriend responded, "Yep." FML
Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML
Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML
Today my girlfriend was on top during sex. I went to slap her butt, missed and nailed myself in the balls. We had to stop. She wouldn't stop laughing. FML
Today, I spotted my girlfriend in a store. She didn't notice me, so I went behind her, put my hands over her eyes, and said "Guess who." I got an elbow to the groin and mace to the face. While I was rolling on the ground in pain, she simply said, "Serves you right" and walked away. FML
Today, I walked my girlfriend home. As I kissed her goodbye, I heard a high-pitched scream and turned just in time to see her little brother charge head-first into my nuts. All because I kissed her on the cheek. FML
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Top comments
canadian_ftw 8
whenever an FML says 'I tried to be funny...' it's like an instant YDI.
cufaoil 11
well, you were acting like a dick, OP
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Comments (110)
ChelseaRaeS 7
You guys must have looked like retarted penguins if you were hugging and walking at the same time
mintcar 10
Retarded.*
DudeImBetter 0
After the spelling correction I agree but I think op thinks that your arm around a girl is hugging them and hugging someone is having sex and having sex is a myth.
frostymlb 0
haha
Kaiden2554 3
here comes the grammar bitch...
mikedamico6 0
Lmao atleast someone is touching your dick
supawoman_fml 8
I actually think it's kinda cute. but the guy totally deserved it. the gf did the right thong lmao
awhsum 0
hah x)
Nadinek98 0
so I'm guessing u guys r happy together
Judus_beej 0
we know who has the balls in this relationship. your girlfriend she just grabbed them from you.
BeautyOfGrace 0
At least she didn't make some comment about how you didn't have one...
influenced 3
Wow. ydi. BIG TIME.
HeyitsShawn 0
hahahaha you totally deserved it. fyl ... and hers too
lori_lovee 0
Agreed.
macskapingvin 0
Well, if you thought that your joke was funny, that should have had you laughing out loud.
lori_lovee 0
Win.
CoachLlama 5
Some times in life, you must deny your impulses.
ifailbigtime 0
you got owned big time