Today, I tried to be sexy by pulling down my girlfriend's panties with my teeth. I didn't expect to be faced with the mother of all shit stains and start gagging so bad I nearly puked. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML
Today, after sex with my girlfriend, I thought it would be sexy to wear her underwear until we saw each other again. I found a pair in her bathroom, but they definitely weren't her sexy ones. Her mom walked in on me to collect the laundry and screeched, "What are you doing with my panties!" FML
Today, while wearing a sexy pair of undies for my partner and taking him out on a nice dinner, I trusted a fart walking from the car to the restaurant and shit myself. FML
Today, out of nowhere, I started violently choking on my own saliva and shat myself in the process. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Today, I watched in horror from the other room as my boyfriend picked the biggest, slimiest booger I've ever seen, then lowered it into his mouth, and licked his finger clean. I very nearly threw up. FML
Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML
Today, I was helping this girl to the nurse’s office because she was so sick that she could barely walk. About halfway there, she stopped and vomited on me. My jaw was dropped in shock when she threw up on me again. A little went into my mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend was throwing a birthday party and got very drunk. She needed help getting to the bathroom so I picked her up and walked her to the toilet. Assuming she needed to throw up, she instead takes a huge, monstrous crap right in front of me. I can't look at her the same ever again. FML
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Top comments
ananicosia 28
Time to educate your girlfriend on personal hygiene
spn_fanboy14 12
Shit happens man.
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Comments (174)
hfslkp47012759 28
Wow, that stinks.
lostreality 3
I am so, so sorry bro
Love_L0ST 13
Are you sure it's shit stains and not previous period blood stains I noticed they sometimes look similar
killerparade 17
Is it just a period stain? Those are way different and way more unpredictable. If it is shit well then I'm sorry op.
BigbenMrJDM 12
Why would she even let you do that in the first place with shit stained panties?
heathersamommy 13
#lifetip if you shit your pants, don't let anyone else take your underwear off. Go home, wash your ass and throw them away
derpman123 17
**** dude I wish I had that problem
LoLoLibra1 14
I'm sure they were period stains & she was probably so caught up in the moment that she forgot she had on her old crappy ugly stained panties. I bet when she became aware of it she shit her pants...sorry...it was unavoidable - LOL ; ) But honestly...I have been in a situation where I ended up going to see my BF after work or something not expecting to 'get busy' & when you're not expecting it you may be wearing old/stained/bottom of the barrel panties. When you're in a moment of passion you're not thinking of details such as what underwear you're wearing until it's probably too late then if you do realize and suddenly stop cold then that's awkward and can cause an argument blah blah blah...you get my drift... BUTT if it is TRULY shit stains then that's gross & she does need to have a talk with someone regarding hygiene - FO SHO!
sarcasmwins 24
I don't think she would of let you take her panties off if she knew she had shit herself. I think it was just an unexpected period stain.
derpyshy 16
*Grabs whiskey bottle* *Pours shot* *Throws shot into eyeballs*