Today, I tried to be sexy by pulling down my girlfriend's panties with my teeth. I didn't expect to be faced with the mother of all shit stains and start gagging so bad I nearly puked. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML
Today, after sex with my girlfriend, I thought it would be sexy to wear her underwear until we saw each other again. I found a pair in her bathroom, but they definitely weren't her sexy ones. Her mom walked in on me to collect the laundry and screeched, "What are you doing with my panties!" FML
Today, while wearing a sexy pair of undies for my partner and taking him out on a nice dinner, I trusted a fart walking from the car to the restaurant and shit myself. FML
Today, out of nowhere, I started violently choking on my own saliva and shat myself in the process. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Today, I watched in horror from the other room as my boyfriend picked the biggest, slimiest booger I've ever seen, then lowered it into his mouth, and licked his finger clean. I very nearly threw up. FML
Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML
Today, I was helping this girl to the nurse’s office because she was so sick that she could barely walk. About halfway there, she stopped and vomited on me. My jaw was dropped in shock when she threw up on me again. A little went into my mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend was throwing a birthday party and got very drunk. She needed help getting to the bathroom so I picked her up and walked her to the toilet. Assuming she needed to throw up, she instead takes a huge, monstrous crap right in front of me. I can't look at her the same ever again. FML
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Top comments
ananicosia 28
Time to educate your girlfriend on personal hygiene
spn_fanboy14 12
Shit happens man.
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Comments (174)
isaak_sanchez 18
Baby wipes
zaidthunder1 27
That is why we Indians are taught to wash it after taking a crap rather than to wipe it down. It helps to avoid such situations and is way more hygienic.
yayhoo16 12
Dayummmmm
CoupeDeAce 6
I'm guessing you haven't licked her butthole yet.
aeryn97 17
what? seriously? FYL!
brendejafulable 41
maybe it was a period stain?
ChibiChibi_fml 28
" I didn't expect to be faced with the mother of all shit stains and start gagging so bad I nearly puked. FML" Everyone here is jumping to insult the OP's girlfriend for her inability to wipe herself but they seem to be ignoring the fact that the OP said stain not skid mark. In other words it wasn't like underwear was coated in shit. If it was he would have noticed the smell before he even started trying to pull her underwear down and the FML would have been "Today my girlfriend and I started getting frisky till I realized she reeked of shit" or something. It seems more like the OP saw a brown stain in his girlfriend's underwear and jumped to the conclusion that it was a shit stain. However as many people have pointed out period blood can stain your underwear brown and look like shit stains. It is entirely possible that what the OP saw was an old period stain and not actually a shit stain. For anyone who might ask "Well why would the stain be near her ass and not by her vag" I ask have you ever used pads? They can only absorb so much and if you don't have them perfectly positioned it is possible for the blood to essentially use the pad as ramp when you sit down or stand up resulting in your ass getting coated in blood. The same thing can happen in the opposite direction resulting in blood stains in the middle of the front of your underwear because the blood got pushed forward. TL;DR version: The OP said stain, not skid mark so it is possible that he mistook an old period stain as having been an old shit stain.
OrganicSistah 17
But if the girl was on her period wouldn't she let the bf know before he tried to take off her panties?? Yeah dried blood can look brown but I think you can tell the difference between blood and shit. I think we are going to need a follow up on this one.
rldostie 19
She might not be on her period and they're just old underwear that are clean but stained. Most women tend to throw out underwear that gets stained but sometimes to try to save one because you like it, wash it, realize it's a failure and only end up using it when you're at the bottom of your clean laundry. Not to mention cute underwear are stupidly expensive. I'm willing to bet it was period stains on clean underwear.
Red_Curls1995 28
I'm thinking it was probably a period stain too. Not to mention those stains are extremely hard to get out sometimes so it could look really recent.
Bunnyluver 20
I can only imagine how embarrassing that would be with my BF, but gosh that is still pretty funny. I love how all of us females (and maybe males) are rallying together to defend OP's girlfriend.
rodrigun449 16
I have a habit of visualizing fmls when I read them. Glad I also gagged when I visualized this one.
cherrylee63 3
Are you sure it wasn't period stains? Once your undies are washed and stained the color is brown. Sometimes the blood is even brown before you wash them. If not, then if she was wearing a thong she could have sharted a little and just not have realized cause ... Thong. And if not, I'm sorry, but foreal shit happens sometimes. You just got poopy timing
never_three 21
I've found that running underwear under cold water gets rid of unexpected period stains. It's saved me a lot of pairs.
Bunnyluver 20
Does it stain them completely if you use too much? I tend to dump the whole bottle!
idk_rose 25
My first reaction (probably a lot of people's first reaction) was the ironic "Holy shit."