Today, I tried to be sexy by pulling down my girlfriend's panties with my teeth. I didn't expect to be faced with the mother of all shit stains and start gagging so bad I nearly puked. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML
Today, after sex with my girlfriend, I thought it would be sexy to wear her underwear until we saw each other again. I found a pair in her bathroom, but they definitely weren't her sexy ones. Her mom walked in on me to collect the laundry and screeched, "What are you doing with my panties!" FML
Today, while wearing a sexy pair of undies for my partner and taking him out on a nice dinner, I trusted a fart walking from the car to the restaurant and shit myself. FML
Today, out of nowhere, I started violently choking on my own saliva and shat myself in the process. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Today, I watched in horror from the other room as my boyfriend picked the biggest, slimiest booger I've ever seen, then lowered it into his mouth, and licked his finger clean. I very nearly threw up. FML
Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML
Today, I was helping this girl to the nurse’s office because she was so sick that she could barely walk. About halfway there, she stopped and vomited on me. My jaw was dropped in shock when she threw up on me again. A little went into my mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend was throwing a birthday party and got very drunk. She needed help getting to the bathroom so I picked her up and walked her to the toilet. Assuming she needed to throw up, she instead takes a huge, monstrous crap right in front of me. I can't look at her the same ever again. FML
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Top comments
ananicosia 28
Time to educate your girlfriend on personal hygiene
spn_fanboy14 12
Shit happens man.
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Comments (174)
ahabsfan 17
So I'm guessing you didn't toss her salad.
DemCideOhShiz 8
or maybe tossing that salad was more like playing with peanut butter in a jock strap!
leowoman 10
Shit!!
HorrorJr 26
Bro..... No....
enganerd 17
Time to teach your girl how to wipe her ass
DevilsShadow 5
that's disgusting. How old is your girlfriend that she doesn't know how to wipe properly?
harleyangel0373 7
Really she should make sure she's clean if she wants some tongue action.
914smv 18
:O speechless... Sorry OP that must have been pretty horrible
vincent6864 18
it's probably period stains
Bansheefaerie 9
finally a man who thought of this
Xamry14 10
It makes it a lot better. Blood or shit? I'll go with the blood any day.
Dick_diamond 22
Trying so hard not to say this, but that's the very definition of a shitty situation..
dannidoll93 24
Oh god. What do you even say in that situation?
FalloutScrolls 25
I'm gonna guess something along the lines of "BLEERRREREAAAGGGGHHH"