Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML
Today, I kissed the girl I love for the first time. Her reaction? She vomited. FML
Today, I was kissing my crush for the first time and her tooth fell out into my mouth. FML
Today, instead of pushing me away or simply stopping for a minute, my girlfriend kept kissing me as she was trying to get phlegm out of her throat. The slimy goo ended up in the back of my mouth. I can still taste it. FML
Today, I tried to be sexy by pulling down my girlfriend's panties with my teeth. I didn't expect to be faced with the mother of all shit stains and start gagging so bad I nearly puked. FML
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend wiping a booger off her finger and onto my lip. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend and she tasted like a cigarette. I don't smoke. She doesn't smoke. My roommate does. FML
Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend, when things got a little frisky and we started making out. It was my first time French-kissing, and apparently he has a very sensitive gag reflex, because the moment my tongue went in, he started retching, and vomited moments later. FML
Today, after my first dinner with my new girlfriend, I was using a toothpick when I fell, stabbing the roof of my mouth. She then laughed at me, as there was so much blood. FML
Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML
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Top comments
Lenora_Cain 25
you might want to either a)brush your teeth more than once a day or b) invest in some gum.
xwendifferx 16
That was rude but how bad was your breath that she said that?
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Comments (70)
Lenora_Cain 25
you might want to either a)brush your teeth more than once a day or b) invest in some gum.
lexcpooh 11
Or both
shay_serendipity 29
Yeah, I'd suggest both. If his breath really is the problem then it would take more than gum just to fix that up.
LunaaBluee 27
He needs to learn to clean his tongue as well.
chinaski7628 32
And he probably should visit a dentist.
xwendifferx 16
That was rude but how bad was your breath that she said that?
AyeTee77 18
Clearly as bad as shit.
A07 48
You might want to invest in a good mouth wash and some breath mints, FYL op.
IAmzephyr 22
YDI though if he doesn't keep up with proper hygiene
tranced_ 45
you need a bottle of listerine.
PennyLane27 32
And carry around listerine spray or the strips (do they make those still?)
SubparAtBest 23
Orbit
pinkster2014 25
#8- Yeah, I believe so.
kirstyfunnybunny 18
get some breath mints
PennyLane27 32
Maybe you have tonsil stones, or a cavity? Terribly sorry, OP, that must've been mortifying. But maybe make an appointment with a doctor or dentist, in case something is wrong, beyond just needing to brush teeth.
Sphanz 17
Also brush your tongue when brushing your teeth. Helps with bad breath. Mouthwash after makes a perfect combo. Hopefully you can get it worked out OP.
VeganDarkLight 31
She was already your girlfriend before you even kissed? That's kinda cute, although pretty uncommon I think. I hope your following kisses won't be that awkward, you might want to get the source of that bad breath checked out (unless your hygiene is really bad, it's pretty likely it comes from a disease).
PennyLane27 32
OP needs to reevaluate his oral hygiene, and go see a Dr to see if somethings wrong.
bandaidstations 28
Since when does being in a relationship automatically mean you're kissing and/or getting intimate? This girl I work with just left her baby daddy and she was saying last night she has 3 dates lined up and has to try out each dick...i mean personally, I like to get to know someone at least a little bit.
derangedplanet 23
Right. I've never kissed someone prior to dating them. haha. I technically got engaged before having made out with my husband.
skylerthecloud 12
Most people are dating before they first kiss......
soulreaper12296 28
Who the **** kisses before they start dating?
LexiD19 26
my first kiss with my boyfriend was 3 months after we started dating.
AnyaS 19
I had sex with my boyfriend before my first kiss with him (several years ago).
elektra2 16
I wouldn't want to experience something like that, so F*** your girlfriend's life too.
Bryce8 11
At least she was honest about it, rather have that then she avoiding kisses you ever again and never telling you the problem. Buy some mouth wash and brush your teeth three times a day.