Today, I tried to be sexy by pulling down my girlfriend's panties with my teeth. I didn't expect to be faced with the mother of all shit stains and start gagging so bad I nearly puked. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML
Today, after sex with my girlfriend, I thought it would be sexy to wear her underwear until we saw each other again. I found a pair in her bathroom, but they definitely weren't her sexy ones. Her mom walked in on me to collect the laundry and screeched, "What are you doing with my panties!" FML
Today, while wearing a sexy pair of undies for my partner and taking him out on a nice dinner, I trusted a fart walking from the car to the restaurant and shit myself. FML
Today, out of nowhere, I started violently choking on my own saliva and shat myself in the process. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Today, I watched in horror from the other room as my boyfriend picked the biggest, slimiest booger I've ever seen, then lowered it into his mouth, and licked his finger clean. I very nearly threw up. FML
Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML
Today, I was helping this girl to the nurse’s office because she was so sick that she could barely walk. About halfway there, she stopped and vomited on me. My jaw was dropped in shock when she threw up on me again. A little went into my mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend was throwing a birthday party and got very drunk. She needed help getting to the bathroom so I picked her up and walked her to the toilet. Assuming she needed to throw up, she instead takes a huge, monstrous crap right in front of me. I can't look at her the same ever again. FML
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Top comments
ananicosia 28
Time to educate your girlfriend on personal hygiene
spn_fanboy14 12
Shit happens man.
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Comments (174)
fullerkate3 17
I legit would puke
BenAflac 14
Dayum
tomvertigo 17
To all of you saying it's period stains: isn't it just as likely that he used more than his sense of sight to ascertain this conclusion? Maybe once he broke the seal it reeked like a rancid diaper.
ChibiChibi_fml 28
If she had shit herself recently, he would have noticed before trying to take her underwear down. That's the kind of stench that isn't contained by pants to begin with but the moment he removed the outer layer he definitely would have noticed the smell. Plus he said he encountered a stain, not a layer of actual shit. It is far more likely that she was wearing underwear that had been stained brown by period blood but the OP assumed it was a shit stain, than it is that he managed to undress her down to her underwear without noticing the stench of her having crapped her pants earlier in the day.
tomvertigo 17
If she had a small bit of the down-town-brown left and missed it somehow he wouldn't have noticed the smell until he dove in, most likely.
ChibiChibi_fml 28
He referred to it as "the mother of all shit stains" that doesn't seem like it would have been a "Little bit" of anything. Skid marks, which as I'm sure you know are actually the result of someone failing to wipe correctly, make underwear stink. If it was a new "mother of all shit stains" and not a stain from something that occurred before the underwear was last washed he would have definitely noticed the smell as soon as his head got anywhere near her lower half. There is no way he would have failed to notice actual shit on her underwear until after he had pulled her underwear far enough down, with his teeth, to see the inside of them unless he has zero sense of smell, which would be a bigger FML.
brickshedloski 9
In the literal sense.
brickshedloski 9
"Why is there so much shit, don't you wipe?" "Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to."
narnarking 6
bruh samez
Beepee04 10
That's not natural, that's disgusting. It sounds like she's not cleaning herself properly.
kitsune309 15
This is why you ask the cutie before you touch the booty.
Cupcakemafia13 7
Umm why would she let you get that far?
Mooniqueee_xo 4
what a shitty situation