Today, I found the best cure for constipation is having my brother scare the literal shit out of me, in Walmart. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my older brother thought it would be hilarious to sneak up and scare me in the grocery aisle at the store. I screamed and jumped, knocking half the shelf's contents all over the floor. We're now banned from the only grocery store in town. FML
Today, I shat myself in the middle of Walmart. It dripped out the bottom of my pants till i made it to the restroom, which was on the other side of the store. FML
Today, I had a panic attack because I was constipated. FML
Today, I finally got over a long bout of constipation. I was scared to ask my mom for laxatives because I had the feeling she would tell all her friends, but on the 6th day of absolutely no bowel movements, I caved. I later overheard my mom telling all her friends. FML
Today, I had diarrhea in a Walmart bathroom for 15 minutes. Apparently, so did the guy in the stall next to me. He attempted to make small talk to pass the time. FML
Today, I finally got over having constipation for two days straight. It came in the form of a normal-sized, rock-hard turd that made me scream "Ow!" when it came out. FML
Today, my constant constipation has become a running joke in my family; I heard my mom tell my dad that if he wants to keep his Christmas presents safe, he should ask me to eat them. FML
Today, I had to take a laxative for the first time. Instead of working gently overnight like it promised, I woke up at 3 a.m. to an unrelenting river of shit that made my legs numb on the toilet. FML
Today, my brother thought jumping out and punching me in the stomach would cure my hiccups. Yeah. Didn't work. FML
Today, I was at Walmart when my stomach began to hurt. I quickly waddled to the restroom in pain. As soon as I got in the stall, a huge crap exploded out of me. The child in the stall next to me started crying. When her mom asked what was wrong, she said that I'd "killed her nose." FML
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Top comments
Jf770 10
Have fun with that.
Razzle_Dazzle_5 11
That must of hurt. I'm guessing it would be like a boulder going through a straw.
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Comments (105)
Jf770 10
Have fun with that.
olpally 33
Only in wal-mart this would happen... Lol, this fml put a smile on my face :)
ComTlancy 12
Yeah, he was scared shitless.
VictoriaSchultz 8
Sorry that happened to you, but it's Nasty af!
crackz12 10
**** walmart! Im glad you shat on their floor walmart should be executed.
primadonna9396 16
Yeah, I was just going to add that if this had to happen that Wal-Mart was probably the least conspicuous place. Could have been worse OP, you could have been in Target
j_cat187 20
I hope to see you in the people of walmart
Michael_92 20
To each his own? ha
Incredibly_Dope 0
Don't take that crap from him...
Michael_92 20
I always love coming back to old comments and just wondering what made you write such a stupid comment. I can't be the only one.
Razzle_Dazzle_5 11
That must of hurt. I'm guessing it would be like a boulder going through a straw.
whatcase 16
Must've
SkoomaKi 28
How would one report inappropriate profiles pictures on this website? I believe I've just found one^
mk58 31
Ugh! MY EYES!! Please remove this disturbing image off of this website where it can hurt innocent people!
yuri63f6 7
Oh gawd... The mentat image... It hurts so bad!! :'(
grahambertus 11
Once, someone scared the literal bejesus out of me. I haven't been the same since.
Sarah_moustache 9
At least it finally came out..
MoroseMoose 47
And without taking harsh laxatives! Kind of a win.
aJaguarinRed 9
"shitty day?" " ohhh yeah"
raaawwwrrZ 8
No. Just no.
Cad6 24
OP: Unghhhhh could you unghhh do unghhhh it now unhggggg? Brother: Boo! OP: Thanks. Now let's by a new pair of pants and undies and I'll be good to go.
ariannaimelda 7
That's probably not the worst thing WalMart has experienced too lol
Bigbrodza 3
That is true. I work at the fitting rooms, and someone decided to take a big smelly dump in one of them.
MrBrightside21 20
74 - Sorry about that...
kateRAWR 4
Well at least u had a shit , better than pain of shit being stuck .... Or it was worse coz it was HIGHLY EMBARRASSING ... Sorry op hope u feel better :(
Ruffclue 9
Is ur brother happen to be Chuck Norris??
krysxkatastrophe 14
This comment hurts to read.
minionfan 0
Reading this comment literally hurt me.
THE_A_TEEN 28
Chuck Norris is disappointed at this comment.
KiddNYC1O 22
Shouldn't the comment be exempt of all errors for just having the name Chuck Norris in it?
olpally 33
Chuck norris is going to punch us all in the face after reading this thread *runs away and hides*
Bigbrodza 3
It is utterly pointless to hide from Chuck Norris. He always finds you. You can't run, and you can't hide.
SkoomaKi 28
Can I get your brother's phone number? I may require his services. It's the sausages and bacon that really ***** me up...
THE_A_TEEN 28
Don't go blaming the Bacon.
ttttttyyy 0
DERP!
SkoomaKi 28
#29 - I'm going to cut your chest open with a blunt butter knife, rip out your small intestines and skip with them :)
THE_A_TEEN 28
I rather shove them feet first through a tree shredder.
mk58 31
B-but, 32, 29 is only a poor little kitty cat. You wouldn't do that to an itty bitty kitty, would you?
kooochris1995 14
66 it looks like an evil cat to me. Lol
krysxkatastrophe 14
It's okay, Wal-Mart is probably used to that.
queen_awks 16
But OP probably isn't!
btstig 11
Problem solved. You should be thanking him.