Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
Today, I sat down for a poop. The toilet seat slid off immediately, taking me with it. I lay on the bathroom floor for a moment, stunned, still pooping. FML
Today, after having horrific constipation the day before, I finally got the rock hard turd out of my system. Things got awkward as I cried out in pain and my mom asked me what was wrong. Realizing the dining room and kitchen was nearby, I said "Never mind, it's gross!" I think she figured it out anyways. FML
Today, I went over to my uncle's house for dinner and my stomach hurt really bad. I noticed there were two toilets and sat in the prettier one and took a huge dump. Turns out I'd chosen the brand new toilet that wasn't connected to anything yet. FML
Today, I took a big, smelly, satisfying dump when I woke up. When I tried to flush, nothing happened. None of my four roommates bothered to tell me we didn’t have running water. FML
Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, I woke up and went into the bathroom and noticed a dark mass in the toilet. Thinking someone took a dump and didn't flush, I approached the toilet ready to dispose of it. That's when I noticed its whiskers and ears. It was a rat, and it was alive. FML
Today, I had to take a dump at work. I walked into the bathroom and opened a stall, only to find what I can only describe as a fecal crime scene. It was like a turd had exploded mid-air. It was so vile, my anxiety kicked in and I broke down into a sobbing panic attack. FML
Today, I was taking a dump at a public restroom. As I reached over to grab the toilet paper, I realized someone had peed on it. FML
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Top comments
izzybd 20
You should probably go to a doctor
raesos91 26
aww, what did you name it?
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Comments (245)
eberle805 7
You're gonna die! Gotta get that checked
fdupagain 11
You watch too much TV. One dose of a med should do it.
Llamacod 11
Of couse op is going to die, everyone does
TecheyTim 14
Sounds like you just shit out a tapeworm.
WhatsYOURname6 25
Well.. Atleast it's out now!!
ariana_mia 6
LMAO. Atleast its out of you, /: Go to a doctor!. Like now. Why are you still reading this? Go! Go! Go! Lol.
ihearuscreamin 13
Tapeworms are gross! Go see medical help ASAP
simoncat 11
There is a huge possibility you just MAY have worms. No shit. (Pun intended) Check with your doctor. Not easily cured, but easier the sooner you're checked out.
AshesNicole623 17
Pinworms. Very real, very gross. Look it up. My siblings have gotten them from eating dirt (little kids). Oh, another thing... they're contagious.
munchy22 5
I thought pinworms couldn't get pooped out. As far as I know they crawl out of the butt when a person is sleeping maybe because there's no movement. Two ways to look for pinworms, someone's gotta look in there with a flashlight, or use use scotch tape to tape the perianal folds where they'll stick to it.
caysters 12
Ahh tapeworms... On the plus side, you're probably losing weight! Just in time for a summer beach body too!
Giluh 19
I just puked a little and now im scared of my own stomach
AzWolf 5
Time for a checkup.