Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
Today, I sat down for a poop. The toilet seat slid off immediately, taking me with it. I lay on the bathroom floor for a moment, stunned, still pooping. FML
Today, after having horrific constipation the day before, I finally got the rock hard turd out of my system. Things got awkward as I cried out in pain and my mom asked me what was wrong. Realizing the dining room and kitchen was nearby, I said "Never mind, it's gross!" I think she figured it out anyways. FML
Today, I went over to my uncle's house for dinner and my stomach hurt really bad. I noticed there were two toilets and sat in the prettier one and took a huge dump. Turns out I'd chosen the brand new toilet that wasn't connected to anything yet. FML
Today, I took a big, smelly, satisfying dump when I woke up. When I tried to flush, nothing happened. None of my four roommates bothered to tell me we didn’t have running water. FML
Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, I woke up and went into the bathroom and noticed a dark mass in the toilet. Thinking someone took a dump and didn't flush, I approached the toilet ready to dispose of it. That's when I noticed its whiskers and ears. It was a rat, and it was alive. FML
Today, I had to take a dump at work. I walked into the bathroom and opened a stall, only to find what I can only describe as a fecal crime scene. It was like a turd had exploded mid-air. It was so vile, my anxiety kicked in and I broke down into a sobbing panic attack. FML
Today, I was taking a dump at a public restroom. As I reached over to grab the toilet paper, I realized someone had peed on it. FML
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Top comments
izzybd 20
You should probably go to a doctor
raesos91 26
aww, what did you name it?
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Comments (245)
hooligyn123 18
Tapeworms can be very serious actually. especially depending on the stage you got them at, if you ingest eggs the eggs can travel through your bloodstream and attach themselves to other organs such as heart, liver, lungs etc... sure if its one tapeworm in the intestinal tract you would likely just become malnourished and have it removed. that tidbit aside, tapeworms don't look like earthworms.
toaster012 17
Least it came out
xfactor22 4
Disgusting
hazardmuffin 21
Congratulations! You have parasites up your butt.
onorexveritas 24
most people have parasites. you should look into d-worming yourself
saf99me 16
oh my god, that's terrible D:
thenewgirl29 20
I think it's ringworms. I had the displeasure of having this when I was little. I think it comes from not washing your hands. I used to dig in the sand when I was little. Maybe there was worm eggs in the dirt.
Dilwann 27
Pretty sure you can also get them from mosquito bites.
zeldaluvr2007 15
Ringworm is a fungus. It's a misnomer, since it isn't caused by a worm at all. :) http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dermatophytosis
xStaciexLynnx 15
I think 150 probably means pinworm. P.S. To make a valid statement, never cite Wikipedia...
hooligyn123 18
No wiki is not reliable but they are right that ringworm is a fungal infection, not an actual worm.
freckleface221 19
That's a pinworm. I had them when I was a kid. Go see a doctor.
taka3000000o 8
Sounds like you've got a parasite
BlueFlatts 20
I am now suing the person suing McDonalds. And the cycle of Suing begins! Dun Dun Dun.