Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
Today, I sat down for a poop. The toilet seat slid off immediately, taking me with it. I lay on the bathroom floor for a moment, stunned, still pooping. FML
Today, after having horrific constipation the day before, I finally got the rock hard turd out of my system. Things got awkward as I cried out in pain and my mom asked me what was wrong. Realizing the dining room and kitchen was nearby, I said "Never mind, it's gross!" I think she figured it out anyways. FML
Today, I went over to my uncle's house for dinner and my stomach hurt really bad. I noticed there were two toilets and sat in the prettier one and took a huge dump. Turns out I'd chosen the brand new toilet that wasn't connected to anything yet. FML
Today, I took a big, smelly, satisfying dump when I woke up. When I tried to flush, nothing happened. None of my four roommates bothered to tell me we didn’t have running water. FML
Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, I woke up and went into the bathroom and noticed a dark mass in the toilet. Thinking someone took a dump and didn't flush, I approached the toilet ready to dispose of it. That's when I noticed its whiskers and ears. It was a rat, and it was alive. FML
Today, I had to take a dump at work. I walked into the bathroom and opened a stall, only to find what I can only describe as a fecal crime scene. It was like a turd had exploded mid-air. It was so vile, my anxiety kicked in and I broke down into a sobbing panic attack. FML
Today, I was taking a dump at a public restroom. As I reached over to grab the toilet paper, I realized someone had peed on it. FML
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Top comments
izzybd 20
You should probably go to a doctor
raesos91 26
aww, what did you name it?
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Comments (245)
cl4ptp 18
its time to visit the doctor.
nightbirdblue 27
Anyone else paranoid to go to the bathroom now?
caligirllife 11
You got worms dude. Go get a shot at the doctors. Or the vet
jazzmancarron 11
What the hell have you been eating?
hooligyn123 18
Since you can get worms from other ways that may not matter. You can get worms from someone else not washing their hands then touching something you put in your mouth, if you have infected pets and they lick themselves then your face, or just plain accidentally face plant and swallow some dirt... well I'm sure I have made my point by now.
cmb8280 24
Poor OP. You've got worms :( Call the dr, sooner than later.
SammyS2012 21
58- yours dont...? oh... well... maybe you should checked out
sacmaster 11
God damned tapeworms. Always getting in peoples' *****.
IHaveNoKoolAid 10
My dog did that once
BrittMcKayla 8
The name cracks me up!
press_start_bro 21
You should probably go see a doctor... It's more than likely a TapeWorm...