Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to shit worse than I thought possible at work. I left my desk and hurried towards the bathroom, dropping trou as soon as the door closed. I then tripped over my pant leg, hit my head on the toilet, and came to some minutes later with my ass spewing diarrhea like a volcano. FML
Today, I thought I was going to shit myself at work. I speed-walked all the way to the bathroom clenching for dear life. Barely got my pants down while simultaneously sitting and unleashing. After all that, it was just a gigantic fart. FML
Today, I wasn't feeling well at work. While I was in the bathroom losing my lunch, a very large piece of food came up. The resulting splash of toilet water went straight up into my mouth. FML
Today, I sat down for a poop. The toilet seat slid off immediately, taking me with it. I lay on the bathroom floor for a moment, stunned, still pooping. FML
Today, during an emergency bathroom visit, I finally broke the toilet seat my fiance had nagged me for months to replace. The broken seat sent me sprawling to the floor. I was still shitting. FML
Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML
Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML
Today, at my godmother's funeral, I got a panic attack causing explosive diarrhea. After the service, I ran to the bathroom and absolutely nuked it. I heard everyone outside calling for me so I quickly flushed the toilet and it struggled. So I flushed again. I left that bathroom with two inches of water on the floor and rising. FML
Today, I had a really big, satisfying shit in the loo of a pub several miles from home. After getting back to my table, my stomach rumbled, and, assuming it was just gas, I let it go. What followed was approximately a litre of brown water, soaking my underwear, jeans, and chair, and dribbling onto the floor. FML
Today, I had to take a dump at work. I walked into the bathroom and opened a stall, only to find what I can only describe as a fecal crime scene. It was like a turd had exploded mid-air. It was so vile, my anxiety kicked in and I broke down into a sobbing panic attack. FML
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Top comments
mea_iloveskiing 26
Sounds so dramatic
Indianboy9321 25
Lock the door when you...ahem...produce stool.
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Comments (111)
mea_iloveskiing 26
Sounds so dramatic
laden_swallow09 35
*overly dramatic
uoeno_fml 20
Yes, wild from start to finish
HersheySquirts 17
Come on man, I would be pretty dramatic in this event as well.
thefastnfuryass 14
Surprise muthafucka!
Indianboy9321 25
Lock the door when you...ahem...produce stool.
Cassmoneyyy 15
I used to do that when I lived withy mother in law. Now that we have our own place, it's doors open! Freeeeeeeedom! Lol. I'm probably going to get thumbed down. :'(
AliceLockehart 18
Man taking a dump with the door open is THE ultimate freedom. Thumbs up for you :)
TheDrifter 24
But it's only wise to exercise that freedom when you're not going to be hanging around in the surrounding rooms for the next half hour. The door keeps the smell from spreading.
Amoondris 17
I lock the door even if I am by myself in my house. Security is more important than looking at the carpet outside my door while I sit helplessly on the toilet.
597mph 10
Expel fecal matter.
Aka102 5
This might have been the most perfect FML I have ever read.
klovemachine 24
It paints a very vivid picture :O
thefastnfuryass 14
And it's written grammatically correct! Simply wonderful!
davidpropert 32
Well did he congratulate you for the massive log?
zandalee 20
...and ask you what the **** you ate to create such a giant sub?
DestinyNiya 33
I think you over reacted ._.
happle 21
Seriously, it's probably not the first time it's ever happened.
Black_Knight80 13
shit happens
elcee1987 18
#6....I'd like to award you with the title of most original reply ever... Except it wasn't.
sanecatlady 13
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
What is up with people discussing their bowel movements on this site as if it's casual dinnertime conversation?
glabberfasted 16
Well you don't have to read them! Damn
TheNoobySpartan 13
Because it says specifically on the website when you post that nothing is taboo.
DeeDeeJay 15
If you have a problem with it then why did you read it? Next time just skip over it or don't read it.
mld4657 28
Because ******** and even vomiting can be hilarious. Especially if you had pea soup for dinner and projectile vomit onto your wife whose taking a shit
cryssycakesx3 23
how do you know to skip an FML because it's about shit if you don't read it?
cryssycakesx3 23
also 7, because sometimes taking a shit can really **** your life.
Yeshua_fml 19
#39 Or your anus.
octinate 17
#17 You don't know what they're saying until after you've read the comment...
BootheGhost 6
#7 Welcome to FML.
Huddisher 10
This made me crack up on the toilet.
cakefete2 31
Dulcolax stool softener.
euphoricness 28
Did he help you wipe your ass?
Rizzen 27
with his tongue?
BoltTheSuperdog 22
#20 Umm, ew?
laden_swallow09 35
20- Coprophilia is not welcome. Anywhere. If it is, you'll be notified.
lengi123 18
Now that is the definition of true love right there
the_truth_lives 9
#20 how ******* old are you?
vipirius 18
20. Sorry dude, that kind of humor only works on 9gag.
auro7 18
Sounds like a shitty situation.. Anyone..?
ComoEsJuan 24
No one.
warsun 27
*loads gun* be still now. This is only going to hurt a lot.
ryanthecheeseguy 18
Even though no anecdotes are taboo, certain comments are. *Ahem* this one.
mattyiscool123 26
It's not a shitty situation at all