Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
Today, I sat down for a poop. The toilet seat slid off immediately, taking me with it. I lay on the bathroom floor for a moment, stunned, still pooping. FML
Today, after having horrific constipation the day before, I finally got the rock hard turd out of my system. Things got awkward as I cried out in pain and my mom asked me what was wrong. Realizing the dining room and kitchen was nearby, I said "Never mind, it's gross!" I think she figured it out anyways. FML
Today, I went over to my uncle's house for dinner and my stomach hurt really bad. I noticed there were two toilets and sat in the prettier one and took a huge dump. Turns out I'd chosen the brand new toilet that wasn't connected to anything yet. FML
Today, I took a big, smelly, satisfying dump when I woke up. When I tried to flush, nothing happened. None of my four roommates bothered to tell me we didn’t have running water. FML
Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, I woke up and went into the bathroom and noticed a dark mass in the toilet. Thinking someone took a dump and didn't flush, I approached the toilet ready to dispose of it. That's when I noticed its whiskers and ears. It was a rat, and it was alive. FML
Today, I had to take a dump at work. I walked into the bathroom and opened a stall, only to find what I can only describe as a fecal crime scene. It was like a turd had exploded mid-air. It was so vile, my anxiety kicked in and I broke down into a sobbing panic attack. FML
Today, I was taking a dump at a public restroom. As I reached over to grab the toilet paper, I realized someone had peed on it. FML
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Top comments
izzybd 20
You should probably go to a doctor
raesos91 26
aww, what did you name it?
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Comments (245)
dozer367 2
Most likely you have a disease. The name is absent me currently. And go to a doctor NOW. Very easy to spread and I surely hope you wash your hands now. Source: brothers sister had this disease.
lyssgross 16
So you had it? ... You said brothers sister... Either that's you or your sister.
thosedogtags 8
A disease?! My oh my... No hope. Absolutely no hope left.
CharresBarkrey 16
It's not a "disease," it's a parasite. Worms aren't a disease.
perdix 31
Tapeworm. You're gonna miss the little fella. Now you're going to get fat when you eat too much.
Wizzlbang 10
Not a tapeworm, Tapeworms are large and look nothing like earth worms. Whatever it was there's most likely more, and they should see a doctor asap.
ilovedinosawers 17
61- Thanks buzzkill.
beej821410 6
*Buzz Killington
Doodleoodlebug 18
Get some medication ASAP worms are so dangerous and easily passed on. Bump up your hygiene too!!
zombieladi 14
did you name it?
Capt_Oblivious 10
That's not normal. Should probably get that checked out.
Old_Iron_Sides 6
Sounds like you ate some undercooked meat. Time to get to the doctor asap and get treated for tapeworms.
Wizzlbang 10
Tape worms look nothing like what he described. There are slews of different kinds if intestinal worms.
Wizzlbang 10
Sounds like you picked up Whipworms someplace, OP. Go see a doctor, most intestinal parasites aren't too serious or too hard to get rid of. most.
chanellgymnast 17
SERPENT!
Old_Iron_Sides 6
Ha, ERs take longer than a doctor's appointment. How about you just go to the urgent care?
HeXr 22
Don't know about you but my turds don't usually move on their own.