Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, I went up to take a shower. I typically go to the bathroom first, I take a mega dump, then flush the toilet. Not only wouldn't the toilet flush but I found out my parents only keep one plunger on hand. It was in the downstairs bathroom. My dad came upstairs and plunged the toilet while I stood there naked. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I had bad stomach cramps so I asked if I could use the bathroom. After half an hour, I flushed the toilet, it backs up and floods the bathroom. To make things worse, when I opened the door, I slipped on the wet tiles. FML
Today, at my boyfriend's brother's house, I desperately needed to poop. After finishing my business, I realized the toilet wouldn't flush. I had to pull my poop out, wrap it in TP and make an excuse to go outside to throw it in a bush. The neighbor was watching. FML
Today, I urgently needed to use the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. When I went to flush, it wouldn't go down the pipes. After about ten panic-filled minutes, I noticed the cat litter box. I carefully scooped out my logs, and buried them in the cat litter. FML
Today, I had a date with a girl. After movies and dinner, we came back to my place. I had to go to the washroom BADLY. I took a BIG #2 and when I went to flush the toilet to my horror it wouldn't flush. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, hanging out with him and his mom. I had to do a number two. A while later, we hear his mom in the washroom. She had turned on the bathtub and was flushing the toilet. A lot. Later on, my boyfriend leaves the room and she says, “Did you make that mess in the toilet?” FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML
Today, while apartment hunting with my boyfriend, I needed to use the bathroom. We were on our own and no toilet paper. Fortunately I carry wipes with me, because I had to more than just pee. All was fine, until I tried to flush and realized the water was turned off. The next person will get quite the surprise. FML
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Top comments
Erzebet_fml 7
You didn't think to look around before resorting to sticking your hand into a toilet filled with your own fecal matter?
unidentifieduser 23
You need to eat more fiber.
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Comments (146)
memowgirl 10
That's a shitty situation
deviking 10
*slaps bad #1
isuckok 11
You had the first comment and you blew it.
Llama_Face89 34
I hate you a little bit..
little_one1 14
17 when I read your comment I started singing Kelly Clarkson's Since U Been Gone. Thank you.
ZomBgal 12
why???? Some of us would love to have first comment. We would respect the almighty first comment spot. We would treat it right, respect it, make it feel appreciated like it deserves. We wouldn't slap it in the face, murder it and then piss on its grave like you might as well have just done.
isuckok 11
You are very welcome #27. I can see why you chose that response. :)
\ 28
Pact violator. #1 is hereby excluded from the Awesome FMLers Treaty.
alexis9198 9
lol I get your pun. apparently the idiots above don't though.
RoboCunnilingus 23
Is that REALLY what you think, #82? That her "shitty situation" pun was too advanced for us troglodytes?
TheBadAndGnarly 19
#82 has a lot to learn. #82 you must be new here.
science-teacher 15
#82, you disappoint me
deviking 10
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
That once happened to me in a hotel
NotAddictive 6
If I were in a hotel I would leave that there...
greeneyebeauty9 28
I can't believe you actually admitted to doing so..
beaglegal 42
That happened to me too! One time my dad had to break it up as well because I was 8. :P
unidentifieduser 23
You need to eat more fiber.
zandalee 20
No. I think she needs to eat less fibre.
deepunder 17
Eat more noodles. It wont help, but they are great!
fucMyLifeSoHard 18
46- What do you think fiber does?
NeatNit 33
Speaking of eating... I was just eating a sandwich and thought I'd catch up on FMLs. Appetite gone.
SammyS2012 21
84- you eat while on FML? Bad mistake, man. I learned about a week after I started that eating and FML is a bad combination
sugarcove 6
wtf? u reached into it?
Sneaky95 9
94-Idk I find eating while reading fml rather relaxing lol trick? Read in categories so you can skip the shitty ones lol :D
Erzebet_fml 7
You didn't think to look around before resorting to sticking your hand into a toilet filled with your own fecal matter?
Kimmismith 11
Agreed. That should have been a last resort.
zandalee 20
In all of life, I have never done this. How big was this pooh? Wow.
bluehero 17
I don't think I would've even bothered with sticking my hands in it as a last resort. I'd rather be embarrassed and wait.
cakefete2 31
#43, the pooh was so big, OP thought about naming it Winnie and setting it free to live in the Hundred Acre Woods.
ShannonBitt 29
Slightly better than someone else fecal matter, I suppose
KK3137 31
Have you read the story about the guy who took a crap and had nothing but a Bible to wipe with, and then his life suddenly spiraled into homelessness, drugs and very interesting adventures? It's very graphic, but it's a great read of how one small action can have terrible, unexpected consequences..
noonenoeone 22
60, how high are you dude?
tvwrestler98 14
Freaking amen!
awkwardloveannie 28
that's why you check everywhere before resorting to your hand..
noobsatin 19
sometimes its too late and you just sit down without realizing. bad habit though.
awkwardloveannie 28
1. sit down 2. do your business then if you clog the toilet at someone's house you must 1. panic for 30 seconds 2. look everywhere 3. use your hand 4. wash your hands for 30 seconds 5. never talk about what happened
fucMyLifeSoHard 18
16- Are you talking about toilet paper? Because you can use a plunger after you have finished your business
NoShit_Sherly 11
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I think I just shat myself :|
StompinOnCrayons 15
Just don't clog the toilet .
Nyx_fml 23
You need to work on your observation skills, OP. Your day would have been even worse if then you had found out there was no soap.
joopjoop 19
then there probably would have been extra soap under the sink
blackychan63 12
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Eww gross!!
ImAFaker 29
No shit
zandalee 20
No I believe there was shit actually.
noobsatin 19
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
desperate times call for desperate measures. or just browse through their stuff.
thehumanlyhuman 7
I would go to his parents and ask for the location of a plunger before resorting to my hands, regardless. Haven't touched my poop with my hands and don't plan on it.
thenewgirl29 20
I know your avatar is a baby but do you have kids? One day you will touch poop. Trust me.
Bentonic 11
They said they wouldn't touch their own poop, not their child's.
VeganVampyre 27
Also, not everyone wants to have kids. No kids = no need to touch poop (unless you're the OP, I guess)