Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
Today, I sat down for a poop. The toilet seat slid off immediately, taking me with it. I lay on the bathroom floor for a moment, stunned, still pooping. FML
Today, after having horrific constipation the day before, I finally got the rock hard turd out of my system. Things got awkward as I cried out in pain and my mom asked me what was wrong. Realizing the dining room and kitchen was nearby, I said "Never mind, it's gross!" I think she figured it out anyways. FML
Today, I went over to my uncle's house for dinner and my stomach hurt really bad. I noticed there were two toilets and sat in the prettier one and took a huge dump. Turns out I'd chosen the brand new toilet that wasn't connected to anything yet. FML
Today, I took a big, smelly, satisfying dump when I woke up. When I tried to flush, nothing happened. None of my four roommates bothered to tell me we didn’t have running water. FML
Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, I woke up and went into the bathroom and noticed a dark mass in the toilet. Thinking someone took a dump and didn't flush, I approached the toilet ready to dispose of it. That's when I noticed its whiskers and ears. It was a rat, and it was alive. FML
Today, I had to take a dump at work. I walked into the bathroom and opened a stall, only to find what I can only describe as a fecal crime scene. It was like a turd had exploded mid-air. It was so vile, my anxiety kicked in and I broke down into a sobbing panic attack. FML
Today, I was taking a dump at a public restroom. As I reached over to grab the toilet paper, I realized someone had peed on it. FML
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Top comments
izzybd 20
You should probably go to a doctor
raesos91 26
aww, what did you name it?
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Comments (245)
Jhtsosa 5
You need to get off fml and to a doctor
MakinMills 12
I dont think thats normal. should see a doctor lol
yeti37 16
Or go see a vet. You've got worms.
wanted4myeyez 7
U have worms. See a Dr ASAP!!
fdupagain 11
Thank goodness you explained it for everyone.
FloMarDee 19
sounds like a tapeworm...ewwwwwww
MuseFan1991 14
do you not read the comments? tapeworms are flat and look nothing like earthworms. this FML is the first to make me feel genuinely sick though. my bum clenched when i read it. acky
jjacci 12
You need one dose of medicine most likely. You can get worms and they're not dangerous. Just unpleasant. Go to the doctor and they'll tell you what to take.
CharresBarkrey 16
Not dangerous? They can kill you.
AnimeBitch 14
Did you upload a pic to Facebook?
skyeyez9 25
You should go to the ER. Imagine if there are hundreds more of those worms in your body! I googled the "ascaris" term mentioned earlier and a pic of what looks like a dead kid has parasitic worms coming out of his nose and mouth.
Caitie_kid 8
They're most likely not dead. Sometimes worms come out of people like that when they are given anesthesia because the parasites don't like it, they try to escape.
skyeyez9 25
Oh God, that is nasty.
iamananglophile 18
Love the username, OP.
fdupagain 11
Aw, their first compromise. Such a sweet moment for all to share the joy. You are naming your worm son Steve. You will be wonderful parents together. *tears*