Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
Today, I sat down for a poop. The toilet seat slid off immediately, taking me with it. I lay on the bathroom floor for a moment, stunned, still pooping. FML
Today, after having horrific constipation the day before, I finally got the rock hard turd out of my system. Things got awkward as I cried out in pain and my mom asked me what was wrong. Realizing the dining room and kitchen was nearby, I said "Never mind, it's gross!" I think she figured it out anyways. FML
Today, I went over to my uncle's house for dinner and my stomach hurt really bad. I noticed there were two toilets and sat in the prettier one and took a huge dump. Turns out I'd chosen the brand new toilet that wasn't connected to anything yet. FML
Today, I took a big, smelly, satisfying dump when I woke up. When I tried to flush, nothing happened. None of my four roommates bothered to tell me we didn’t have running water. FML
Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, I woke up and went into the bathroom and noticed a dark mass in the toilet. Thinking someone took a dump and didn't flush, I approached the toilet ready to dispose of it. That's when I noticed its whiskers and ears. It was a rat, and it was alive. FML
Today, I had to take a dump at work. I walked into the bathroom and opened a stall, only to find what I can only describe as a fecal crime scene. It was like a turd had exploded mid-air. It was so vile, my anxiety kicked in and I broke down into a sobbing panic attack. FML
Today, I was taking a dump at a public restroom. As I reached over to grab the toilet paper, I realized someone had peed on it. FML
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Top comments
izzybd 20
You should probably go to a doctor
raesos91 26
aww, what did you name it?
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Comments (245)
\ 28
That could be Ascaris. Get some albendazole STAT
dalink 24
Translation for the layperson: Ascaris lumbricoides = (parasitic) roundworm. Other symptoms that would make this diagnosis more likely: abdominal pain, fever, coughing and blood in the sputum (it can enter the bloodstream from your gut and travel to your lungs).
Life_sucks_13 6
That's what I was thinking! O__O wash all your stuff too!
NioBerry 7
that sucks O.o and not trying to sound stupid but how can a doctor see worms in you I always wondered that
\ 28
Let's see... Stomach bloating, stool panels, wasting, and colonoscopies can all determine the presence of parasitic worms. And here's a picture of a tree. (tree.jpg)
ohjoy15 33
They don't "see worms in you". Doctors will ask for a stool sample and examine it for eggs, larvae, and other signs of worms. For serious cases, they use magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) and computed tomography (CT) to check for damage to other organs the worms have caused.
Ebola_fml 20
Not the best FML to be reading while in the bathroom...
ohjoy15 33
Or while eating. :(
greekgal44 14
or while pooping...
ThePsyche 9
55- I think that was a given.
tehdarkness 21
Haha me too!
DubstepCrazyXD 11
Okay cool I thought I was the only one that reads FMLs while taking a s***.
seeoseek 18
AGREED!
Snowkeys 11
Send in the cat, you might also have a hamster up there. Out of curiosity, did anyone get that reference?
ropeandneck 7
lemmywink or something like this ? no?
foxykz 13
armageddon!
Snowkeys 11
Mallrats..
beefynuggz 2
Brody how the hell else am I supposed to get the hamster out?
djxerxes9000 18
Say would you like a chocolate covered pretzel?
Welshite 40
Wrigley
slickchrome 11
This is the most disturbing shit ever
Give_Linux_A_Go 28
Literally...
gracehi 33
Sneaky earth worms sneaking into your intestines. I hate when that shit happens.
accioshannon 17
Could be a tapeworm.
Caitie_kid 8
Tape worms are flat and white and usually one end will stay attached to the intestinal wall even if the other end comes out.
gracehi 33
Could be a tapeworm larva. My cat used to get them all the time.
ninaskyez 12
Never Heard of That, not To be mean but thats pretty gross, i say u see a doctor asap!!
jem970 19
Have you not ever take a high school biology class? I had to dissect a tape worm to pass that class..... So nasty.
fdupagain 11
Looks like she needs a middle school English class.
Welshite 40
Wrigley is a legitimate name, though. How about we call it a truce and name it Steve?