Today, I sat awkwardly and pretended like I didn't notice my cousin discreetly trying to masturbate while talking to me. This isn't the first time anything like this has happened. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went over to talk to my boss. I must have snuck up on her because she was masturbating through her pants. She stopped and I had to chat away, pretending I didn't notice. FML
Today, I walked in on my brother masturbating. In the living room. For the second time. FML
Today, I was watching porn in the living room with the volume turned up, because I was under the impression that my family had already left for vacation. It turns out my cousin and his girlfriend were upstairs the entire time. FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Today, whilst visiting one of my distant cousins for the first time in years, she came onto me. After gently explaining to her that this was inappropriate, she broke down in tears. Whilst I awkwardly comforted her, she started stroking my inner thigh, apparently still trying to seduce me. FML
Today, I was driving back home with my family. I had to sit quietly for half an hour, all while pretending I didn't notice my sister playing with herself under the coat on her lap. FML
Today, I got caught masturbating, twice, by the same person. FML
Today, in a bizarre power move, my cousin flashed me her tits. I thought it a mistake and didn’t acknowledge it, until it happened again for much much longer. I was terrified. Prior to this I hadn’t even realized she had fake tits. FML
Today, my cousin came to visit from Texas. It would have been great if he hadn't groped me and whispered, "Incest isn't illegal" when he saw me. FML
Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML
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Top comments
CrassKal 27
You should just call them on that shit.
DontModMeDammit 10
That's when you leave the room.
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Comments (99)
mrnuleef 7
Your cousin needs to take that shit in front of a damn computer screen. Thats GROSS! is he ok with walking around looking like he wet himself afterwards? Or does he come equipped with a shield for his "discrete" masturbation?
MrArmy 1
Fap fap fap
gr3enw1lly17 5
I think on some secret level you liked it. Cause chicks like to be the center of attention
Bob_Cat_fml 14
1. Who said OP was a girl ? 2. Who said the cousin was turned on because of OP ? 3. Who but an idiot would say all “chicks” are the same ?
MakeTodayADTR 20
Still a better love story than twilight.
shelbyj 6
Wtf
Kriiistenn 14
Well now you know that you're hot enough to ********** to ;) hahaha
perdix 31
Maybe he was hoping you'd use your mouth for something other than talking. He didn't want his EAR chewed off, if you know what I mean ;)
AgaveLoco 5
Maybe your cleavage inspire the moment... Ok, no
liquid_sasquatch 10
I wonder why everyone is assuming gender? We know neither the gender of the OP or of the cousin.
aliciamartin3 0
Just be like I'm not your girlfriend can I please stop?
JoeRogansBEARD 15
Why would she ask permission to stop?