Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML
Today, I was masturbating in my bedroom, when suddenly, my mom opened the door and walked in with guests. I didn't react quick enough. FML
Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML
Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML
Today, my mom came in my bedroom without knocking, even though I'd told her to, and caught me masturbating. She stood there in awkward silence before saying, "…Dinner's ready at 6." and left. FML
Today, my mom laughed about hearing me singing in the shower and told our whole family. I wasn't singing, though. I was masturbating. FML
Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML
Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh, I had an itch…" FML
Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. She didnt look away and we stared at each other for a while; then she asked me what I wanted from McDonalds. FML
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Top comments
Wheredidgrungego 12
Oh I've seen this movie!! ....Pornhub right?
StormGirl142 24
I think you accidentally a few words.
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Comments (285)
Zestus 19
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Well as we all know, incest is wincest.
PsychSwirl2012 1
This is a very telling comment...
leprechaun23 15
Do it behind a locked door in the bathroom or at night when everyones a sleep
OneNightStander 6
Yessss!! Incest is Wincest!!
PsychSwirl2012 1
16 - That probably wasn't the best reply on a comment about incest...
mauguster 15
If it happens again look them 'em in the eyes and finish like a boss
muzy 23
I don't really care what it is you do with your family as long as you, keep your gene pool in check you animal!!
at_1sexymofo 3
WOWWW *____*
XtraEzeee 8
16- I read that as locker door... Made the comment 100 times better.
XtraEzeee 8
16- I read that as locker door... Made the comment 100 times better.
aimeesea75 16
87- I did the same thing and it indeed made it so much better xD
VorpikeII 17
29- Or finish in their eyes and look like a boss.
tdawg4200 0
Haha.
Twincest 11
...go on you left out the best moments; what comes after.
faith94m 5
no.
starburst7596 14
I immediately thought of Supernatural upon reading this comment.
777tman 5
I'm watching supernatural right now!!!
blushy 14
talk about disrespectful 29
jimshrimp 0
******
Thatgirl299 15
I thought of Supernatural...
furstur 16
I love how a guy can post one comment and have it get more than 30 likes, and post it again and get over 40 dislikes.
fuzzbuck1 4
Smooth
angrymexican 8
Like Keith Stone.
Feared 9
Well I would hope so. It would be hard to jack off to the image of your mom, if you weren't picturing her all smooth and lathered it buck futter.
vturbz91 0
How wa the awkward tension after that... Aha
somewizdom 15
That would make a good story to tell your dad.
j_cat187 20
Op is one sick muthafucka.
frokeyman92 9
Literally
RadioOctopus 16
Do you know what literally means??
simonsaysYDI 8
Yes. He does. That's the joke.
Bryceps 4
I'm thinking they should change YDI from "you deserved it" to "you dumb idiot"
TheOtherNewest1 6
Do you know what ************ means?
platypus505 5
Lock your or do it your shower or something man
StormGirl142 24
I think you accidentally a few words.
OneNightStander 6
Nice!
muzy 23
14 the words are all there. What ? you mean to tell me that you can't see the letters 'door' and 'in' ? If you highlight the sentence, you'll be a able to see the missing words!!
zachherbert 10
.
Fmeonce_shameonu 15
14- You are amazing. Keep on keeping on.
tdawg4200 0
You're awesome.
TunechiXXL 0
Rubbing out shower babies?
UsernameUnknown 7
omfg..... I facepalmed myself so hard I think I broke my nose...
VoteForTaco 8
250- Post that shit on FML
esines 9
Idk why everyone thumbed down tune that made me laugh ass off
Wheredidgrungego 12
Oh I've seen this movie!! ....Pornhub right?
Matt504 9
Great website
Fmeonce_shameonu 15
Youjizz. Better streaming lol.
ydi_4_suking 20
How bout tube8?
slick5880 22
This thread went to a dark place rather quickly.
CanWeMicrowaveIt 11
What about animal farm hoes! AmIRight? Eh? Anyone...?
Swiftly 0
It's all about that xnxx brah
SomeAnonymousBro 4
-56 hellz yes
j_cat187 20
Naw pornhub wins. Haha I go on enough for autocorrect to guess what I was typing. Por...ahhh pornhub.
KuchkaNumberOne 2
Pornhub all the way.
iamyummylicious 14
Xtube is pretty decent.
vturbz91 0
Youporn is better
TaysDarkLust 11
xhamster ftw..
BeaterOfTheDrums 15
Spankwire does the job rather nice.
iiDangerCloseBK 6
Is it convenient that my like was the 69th?
Argumental_Rhino 8
Xnxx wins lol
AcidLacedBong 5
Pornhub is good on a computer but tube8 wins on the phone ... You know for those on the fly moments
IAdminIFlow 0
surprisebuttsex.com is where its at. wtf r u all talkin about
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
This is a conversation i would Not like to take part in.
draegbomb 5
Spankwire anybody??
arlenb13 6
Lmfao man
n_epic_fail 14
149- because Justin Bieber doesn't use the web for his ****, he has his slaves go buy them at his favorite sex store.
tdawg4200 0
Haven't heard of some of these sites. Must check out.
thisisafunnyname 12
So many **** sites... I know what I'm doing tonight
MissAimeeAngel 15
Xvideos, my preferred website ;)
jojimugo 20
Am. Ashamed at myself that am a frequent visitor on all websites
rin142 12
M.fuq.com
xboxman123 0
Pornhub is WAYYY better! But now it only gives you 5 videos a day -__-
tehrealone 6
Personally I prefer Wikipedia
Jonkbaby 23
lemonparty.org
KHunnyBear 2
haha ^
Ultimate18s 2
Yep Love That One
joe2155 1
120-I love xhamster man, it's the best
Jonkbaby 23
lemonparty
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
159- Yeah? Your probably jealous ;)
dtfickus 0
I love that and I've seen it too
TaysDarkLust 11
Finally someone agrees with me. (And I am a girl btw..)
spartonxdj 4
If you on da itouch.... Set safari to private mode, and BING!! UNLIMITED VIDEOS!!!!!!!!!
dmmrekcd 10
I have been on all of those listed
Fmeonce_shameonu 15
Way to amplify the situation weirdo.
IAdminIFlow 0
SURPRISE BUTTSEX!!!!!
FMLContinued 3
Wow.. :/ you gotta make sure there's no chance of you getting caught! Rule number one!
tygerarmy 35
The risk of getting caught is half the fun. If you haven't been caught masturbating then you're not trying hard enough.
ninjacapo 2
Rule number 2: if your parents walk in on you masturbateing you stare them in the eyes and finish like a champ
BeaterOfTheDrums 15
Rule # 2 in reality you try to hide it and look as though you just saw the girl from "the ring".
Ecklcakes 15
There is no way to defuse the "awkward tension" when a family member catches you masturbating...so next time don't bother.
grahambertus 11
It was a Freudian slip.
Manganimegrl 16
Haha, 69 thumbs up... Now watch as someone thumbs the comment up once more.
Ecklcakes 15
Top tip - stop masturbating when you say that OP that would probably have made it less awkward.
kmt926 0
Lol 69 likes on this comment
neverdrinkSODA 12
your relationship will never be the same I'm afraid
Isa_fml 20
my brother's named fraser. and lives in BC. LITTLE BROTHER, NOOOO
moiisme_fml 5
There was a guy named Fraser whom I went to elementary school with in BC Canada... Hahaha!
onlychildFTW 34
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
That was very stupid. But at least you care about your mother to think of her.
KiddNYC1O 22
While fapping? That's just wrong.
jisaac09 25
Is it really wrong to think about Fraser's mom while beating it? Half of us do so what is so wrong with fraser doing it?