Today, I had a few friends over. Wanting to seem cool, I yelled at my girlfriend to get me a beer. She chucked four bottles at my head. All my friends cheered her on. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
Today, I was out having a beer with a few friends. After getting a pint, I slipped in a puddle of beer, fell on top of a stranger on the sofa, and knocked my beer upside down on my head. Then, completely soaked, I realized I'd also knocked over the table, spilling its content on a poor girl across it. FML
Today, my friend got a text showing his girlfriend cheating on him. Sounds like his FML, but he was at my house. He then worked his way through a bottle of my whisky and went into a drunken rage. He threw my furniture through windows, punched holes in the wall, and smashed stuff until I had to call the cops. FML
Today, I had my buddies over for a few beers and, trying to be cool, I told my wife to get out of the living room and back in the kitchen. I felt smug, right up until she said, "Why? Your mom doesn't need to be turned over for another 20 minutes, dick." FML
Today, my friend dared me to break a liquor bottle on my head. I slammed it into my head so hard I got dizzy, then did it a SECOND time and knocked myself out so hard that I pissed and shat myself. My head hurts really badly. FML
Today, I was having an argument with my girlfriend in front of our friends. I didn't want her to spoil my good time, so I ignored her until she disappeared. She re-appeared thirty minutes later just to throw a punch that would make Muhammad Ali jealous. Our friends' reaction? They clapped. FML
Today, I was holding my drunken friend's hair while she threw up in the toilet at a party. She said, crying, "Y'don't have to do this..." I told her that that's what friends are for. She replied, "Yeah, but I did sleep with your boyfriend..." FML
Today, it was my friend's 18th birthday. She had invited us out drinking. I've never had alcohol before and was very excited. I got a call explaining that she had invited one too many and asked me not to come. People bragging on Facebook about what a great time they were having didn't help either. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over, drank half a bottle of Jack Daniels and pissed in my sink. I broke up with her and went out with friends. I met a woman and brought her home to watch a movie. She drank a bottle of wine and puked on my couch. FML
Today, I threw a birthday party for my boyfriend. As a joke, my friend and I served him non-alcoholic beer to see how he'd react. After a while, he faked being drunk, using it as an excuse after I caught him making out with one of my so-called "friends". FML
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Top comments
gianthelper 1
Women-1 Sexist men-0
Rangant 7
I'm pretty sure almost everyone here is going to cheer her on aswell. Way to be a dick.
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Comments (259)
gianthelper 1
Women-1 Sexist men-0
BeforeItWasCool 12
You, Sir, are the epitome of cool.
roseXthorns 8
He should've learned from the movie Percy Jackson that dicks can get their asses whipped by a satyr on crutches.
patrickalamo 48
You need to straighten your beer bitch out.
wallandpiece 16
I bet you won't be doing that again in a hurry. You completely deserved it, you sexist pig.
nado13579 12
"Wanting to seem cool..." *clicks YDI*
siickman 7
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
No man should ever take advantage of a girl in that way ... But you cant blame men for thinkin they are better ... We are stupid :)
LaidToRest48 9
I love how that is totally the inverse of looking cool, if one of my friend yelled a his girl for that I would tell him to get his damn beer himself -.-
SuperDerp 8
Well atleast he showed some super cool flying beer dodging moves right?
kevsnev 7
FHL for having to put up with your bullshit -.-
JFurr 9
I don't think he's sexist. He's just a dick. It's debatable whether he told her to get the beer because he thinks women are less than men and should or because he's just a dick. I think it's more likely he's just a dick, not sexist.
_Oblivion_ 12
That's not cool it's just being a ****** dick. You don't yell at your girlfriend to do things for you. It's called respect, treat your girlfriend the right way and she won't leave your sorry ass.
Slender_Man 6
48: you watch Percy Jackson too? Have you read all the books?
k_ninjaa 9
you are complete asshole if you say that to your girlfriend just to seem cool
doctorhook86 25
I voted YDI as soon as I read "wanting to seem cool."
thawny_fml 21
The cool thing to do would've been to get it yourself.
coolcocoxxx 12
48- Exactly what I was thinking!
HahaHokayThen 10
I'm a little frustrated I can't click YDI more than once.
FarSide 23
Next time, don't preface your request with "HEY BITCH!...."
Meettitan 14
No, no, no! You're the host for a reason! Sit on your ass until one of your friends say they want a beer, then have them grab you a couple while they're up!
PeachesnCream88 0
OP Note to Self: Don't. Try. To. Be. Cool. :D
aswil 10
#32 Epitome? Why would you insult him be calling him averagely cool?
BunchieRules 31
For 210, and everyone wanting to vote YDI twice: vote on your account, then sign out and vote again. You're welcome.
iwadasn 33
235: "Epitome" means "a typical or ideal example; embodiment." -webster.com If you'd taken just a few seconds to look that up, you could have avoided making yourself look like an idiot.
aswil 10
#246 - terribly sorry. In my dictionary it says epitome is 'something standard' and I took that to be 'standard' being similar to 'average'. I probably should have looked further into it.
rcgirl2 11
I think women has more points than that when it comes to this.
downtime 13
Sounded like he was just joking around about it to me, and she took him seriously. I don't know how that would make you "look cool", maybe "trying to be funny"? I dunno, the guy sounds like an idiot, but while comical in theory the reality of her throwing 4 full glass bottles of beer at him is completely out of line. **** that bitch, she deserves to be treated that way if that's how she's going to respond. In summary, the guy's an idiot, but the punishment doesn't fit the crime here. You deserve to be mocked and ridiculed for being a tool, nothing more.
dylanmurre 4
It's funny how when a guy tells a girl what to do its sexist and the guy is called an asshole and a dick, but it's fine for a girls to tell a guy what to do??? I wouldn't put up with that.
FMLoverAgain 7
You had it coming!
SqueakyChipmunk 22
And now op has drain bamage.
niall92 6
the word "please" does wonders
blaackandprouud 20
Why would that make you cool? Yelling at your girlfriend is now considered cool?
vexx32 5
He only had himself to blame!
DiruKitty18 8
If youd a been there, if youd a heard it, I betcha you would have done the same!;)
PeytonBieda 8
If you'd a been there, if you'd a seen it, I betcha you would've done the same!
wannabesinger 16
Sorry 155 and 172, I guess people just don't like Chicago. I'm going to have that song in my head for the rest of the day
Rangant 7
I'm pretty sure almost everyone here is going to cheer her on aswell. Way to be a dick.
Pudagiah 12
Being a sexist asshole to your girlfriend isn't going to make you cool, OP.
9gag4life 1
Just how is he being a sexist asshole? Just because it was his girlfriend? You probably wouldn't be saying that if it was the other way around.
zachattack112492 4
**** you because 9gag.
zachattack112492 4
**** you because 9gag.
kiwienne 21
#65 - If it was the other way around, it'd be the same. The FML community just don't like idiots in general
starflyer59 17
65: it usually doesn't happen the other way around... and if it does, we tend to say "please" and "thank you" afterwards.
starflyer59 17
what 119 said as well. when it does happen, it too becomes fml worthy.
JFurr 9
His point is that there would be some crazy people that would say the guy should get it for her and be a gentleman. Just like there's some crazy people now who chose "I agree, your life sucks." I think most people would agree that if the genders were switched here, and OP was a woman, we'd be calling her a bitch instead of calling OP a dick. I generally make the same point as 65, but I think you're wrong on this one, 65.
rockydragon6 2
Ok Hypothetical FML I yelled at my man for some cash to go shopping in front of my friends. He straight up said no and slapped me down for it. FML I tried to make them roughly equivalent. What do you think the FML responses would be? The vast majority and top rated votes "bitch you got what you deserved. Hope he slaps you one for me" or more "please OP, get out of that abusive relationships!". Do you think there is a sizable difference between the two? I am genuinely curious.
Cinn_fml 23
The girlfriend shouldn't have responded with violence, because that is technically abuse. Even if her boyfriend was belittling her and stuff, she could've just put her foot down or walked out. Four beer bottles - empty or not - can do a lot of damage, and it's not behaviour to be encouraged in either gender.
GraceMarieC 13
Except throwing a can of beer at someone is the same as slapping them down. You can dodge or catch a can. Not so much a slap. Not much the same. I throw things at my friends, it isn't abuse. If I hit on of them, then yes. That's be abuse.
Cinn_fml 23
I can see what you're saying about throwing things at friends, but aren't those usually objects that won't hurt too much if they don't catch/dodge? And they usually know it's coming and not at their head? But the FML reads like there was a definite intention to physically hurt the OP for a derogatory comment, which is a certainly a bit extreme, even if it's not classed as abuse. Also, if the situation was reversed I think it would be counted as unacceptable, therefore it's unacceptable here.
trsignorino 3
#176 Those are not equivalent at all. If it said he threw the money at her, I'd say she deserved it. Also, he specifically said he did it to be cool - showing off by ordering his girlfriend around. The OP readily admitted thinking that makes him cool. Sexism IS by definition not equivalent when you simply reverse the situation. There are no stereotypes that men should wait on women. Men weren't in a position where they were expected to do so for hundreds of years.
downtime 13
211, Are you saying if a guy throws bottles of beer at his girlfriends head it isn't abuse? You don't have any idea what you're talking about do you? 119, The FML community is full of idiots, so I doubt they'd even be able to identify one anyway. Anyone who thinks FML comments aren't generally bullshit is more likely than not a part of the problem...
trsignorino 3
You're an asshole. Treating your girlfriend like crap does not make you cool.
drunkandfml 11
Even if OP's girlfriend did what he wanted, he'd still look like an asshole
TomPusslicker 21
If you think spousal abuse is cool, you should try racism.
starflyer59 17
132: why would you even comment... wtf.
Inheritance 10
You're not a real man if you treat your gf like shit, nuff said.
TomPusslicker 21
Was meant to be funny, clearly neither of those are even slightly cool.
upsidedownfools 5
However, it could make you single.
Bob_Cat_fml 14
There's no way you didn't deserve it. *cheers on OP's girlfriend*
brackaman 18
Whoop whoop for op gf. I'm a guy and if I told my gf that she'd tell me to **** off in front of everyone and you know what, I'd totally deserve it. Yours was just more creative.
Mideoyeo 12
You deserve it for being a sexist ass. She should've thrown beer cans at your head too..maybe it would've knocked some sense into you.
HeXr 22
IMO bottles would hurt way more
SpartanMerc 18
Why would that make you seem cool? Oh I forgot, children don't know what they're doing.
IworkAt711 14
When I was a youngling I was taught please and thank you.
SpartanMerc 18
same here, and im glad my parents raised me to respect women, helps keep them around longer
SkoomaKi 28
What were you expecting, for her to actually bring a beer? Maybe even a sandwich too?
ObsessedWithMe 13
Exactly! FHL for being stuck with you, OP. btw if you asked rather than yelled at her for one she might've been nicer and thrown only two. Ass.
KBeatz 5
You are an idiot for thinking that would be cool, I hope those bottles knocked some sense into you. You are not a sir.
vvmativv 8
You're confusing being 'cool' with that other 4 lettered c word.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Cone? Clap? Clue? Cold? TELL ME, GODDAMMIT.
peachesncreem 21
The other 4 lettered C word is obviously cake. Everyone loves cake :)
xleanne_aLly 23
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
****! Lol am I right??
Alyssa_Mendez 4
Wow some people don't understand sarcasm...
hollyanne27 9
Ends with a "T"? That's the only one I can think of.
MidnaLink 35
CRAP!!!!
_Oblivion_ 12
I beleieve the word is 'cult'
flockz 20
come on guys the word is obviously 'count'.
brackaman 18
145 Which is something you clearly don't know how to do. I'm pretty sure count doesn't have 4 letters.
xd3box 4
flockz, you just went full retard man. Never go full retard.
flockz 20
oh sweet Jesus balls, you guys really fell for that shit.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Flockz's comment was a joke, guys. Either that, or he fits into the 3rd category if people who can spell and people who can't.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
*of
Monstarred 7
Corn.
PhishloverA 14
#161: coming from the moron who can't even detect a joke on the internet. All you people yelling at Flockz are idiots who need to learn how to tell when people are joking. I assume you idiots can't detect sarcasm either..
PhishloverA 14
Haha I know right Flockz? It's amazing how dumb people are these days, hahahahahaha! LOL and SMH at these morons XD