Today, I learned two things. First, my girlfriend loves sex. Second, I'm practically the only one she hasn't had sex with in the 2 months we've been dating. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I discovered after 11 months, my girlfriend is finally ready to have sex. I discovered this by walking in on her and one of my friends. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. We haven't had sex yet. FML
Today, I discovered my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I've had in the last year. FML
Today, while talking with my girlfriend about dating, I learned that she has had more girlfriends than I have. FML
Today, I found out that my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I have in our last year of marriage. FML
Today, I took my "girlfriend" to a nice restaurant to celebrate our first month anniversary, only to find out she didn't even know we're dating, but only "friends who have sex sometimes." FML
Today, I realized how much I hate my girlfriend, when I got excited as the doctor told me I should refrain from having sex for the next two months. FML
Today, while playing a game, my girlfriend told a bunch of our friends that she's never had an orgasm. News to me. FML
Today, my girlfriend of over a year told me the reason we've only been intimate once in the past 8 months is because she thinks she might be asexual. I love her, but I miss the intimacy we had when we first started dating. FML
Today, I discovered that my infertile girlfriend, who I have been having unprotected sex with for the past two months, is apparently very fertile. FML
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Top comments
HowieDoIt 21
2 months? Santa can make it around to every house in one night. She's got some catching up to do.
feldco1 17
Good thing it's only been a couple months and not a couple years. Time to dump that bitch OP.
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Comments (140)
alexafml 5
You can't cuff a girl like that, she's fair game for everyone. All the guys she's sexing are laughing at you for kissing on the girl that both your friends railed the night before. Even she is probably laughing "haha...if only he knew" bang her out then pass her on like a joint.
Fassholes21 6
looks time for a new gf
Anasazi 10
Sex with her boyfriend? Ain't nobody got time for that!!!
SMHsohard 22
If she's that busy, how do the two of you have time to date, much less have any kind of relationship? Once again, I'm thinking "boyfriend/girlfriend" doesn't mean what it did when I was young.
redbandit9877 12
Sorry OP, being cheated on really sucks, but now you know how much better of a girl you can find after you dump her.
GetPuckedUp 3
you're better off without that ****, OP.
wvcheesehead1 9
She is practicing so by the time you are added to the list she will be an expert.
love_me_electric 20
Did she ever actually say you were her boyfriend? Because if you didn't make a move on her in 2 months she probably just thought you guys were friends. Going on a couple dates with a girl doesn't automatically make her your girlfriend.
kyu_Q 19
True. Even telling a woman how you feel does not make her your girlfriend. You actually have to say the words, " will you be my girlfriend ( or soe variation thereof ) AND she has to AGREE. I once lost the love of my life because I confessed I loved her but didn't close the deal.
madamazinDana45 6
Row row row your hoe up and down the streeet!! Merrily merrily merrily merrily she just a piece of meat!!!
ThatWeirdGurl 20
Does that make me a horrible person that I actually find that to be extremely funny?
jondmon91 10
You have to make a move on her duuuh
Llamacod 11
Ok ok, so I admit that I'm kind of out of the loop. Could someone please explain to me what the slang word duuuh means?