Today, I had to stifle a fart so my upstairs neighbors wouldn't hear it. I know this because I frequently hear theirs. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I now know why my next-door neighbour can't look me in the eye without smirking. He can hear every grunt, groan, fart and strain that happens in my bathroom from his bathroom. FML
Today, I was woken up by my own fart. FML
Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML
Today, the only thing my downstairs neighbor wanted to talk about with me is how she can hear us go to the bathroom. She also claims that she can tell which one of us is going, based on the noise level. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML
Today, having been on hold on the phone for several minutes, I felt the need to release a fart. Just as I started my release, they picked up. They definitely heard. FML
Today, I found out my upstairs neighbors filed a noise complaint against me for banging on the ceiling every night. They conveniently left out the part where they constantly stomp, shout, and do stuff that sounds like they're dropping bricks to the floor every night. FML
Today, a co-worker has the office next to mine. The walls are not soundproofed. I can hear him farting loudly throughout the day. He spread a rumor around the office that he can hear me farting all day. Another coworker told me and gave me advice on foods not to eat, that gave people bad gas. FML
Today, while sitting on the couch with my husband, I farted quietly. Not a big deal, except it's hot out and our fan was blowing in his face, and it stunk. FML
Today, I was working at my desk and wearing my new noise cancelling headphones. I couldn’t hear anyone around me, so I let out a nice long fart. Every desk behind me was occupied and the fart was not silent. FML
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Top comments
Naitras 15
Why bother? It's apparent they don't care about it
tsume24 3
if I were you I'd be trying to make mine louder than theirs.
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Comments (89)
Naitras 15
Why bother? It's apparent they don't care about it
EvilPotato 15
Have really loud farts from now on.
krazy_glu3 0
Thong = silencer. They make em for men and women. Try it out.
AnonymousTroll 2
Here no evil, speak of no evil.
_Oblivion_ 12
Try tuning your hearing aids down
FFPulley 9
You must set the farts free! They should not be contained.
MaCOOLiT 5
Never hold your farts in. It goes back up to your stomach then up to your brain. Thats where the shitty ideas come from. LOL
gojira666 7
Be a man
sasha_kay 4
Lol seriously!
opendoorclosed 8
Buy a megaphone and fart through it in max volume.
abbyelizabeth 9
39- I wish you didn't add LOL, it would have been much more amusing. :'(
PutItIn 8
10-37 are now #losing
KushMastaDisasta 3
73- This isn't twitter. you also lose.
tjv3 10
yeah why bother it's your apartment and you can fart if you want to
The_Instigator 11
Did it smell?
hockey199813 5
Of course not
azpallen 0
LOL!!!!
tsume24 3
2 - if a bear ***** in a forest, and no one's around to smell it, are you still a moron?
TwitchingNebula 17
^^ EPIC WIN
tsume24 3
if I were you I'd be trying to make mine louder than theirs.
slipknotz 0
To be honest I'd get a megaphone and let one rip lol ;)
iam_yummylicious 12
If I were them I would move into a more soundproof apartment. If you can hear someone's farts...
tsume24 3
61 - but where would the fun be in that? hell, I'd be competing with that neighbor like it was the penis game.
iam_yummylicious 12
IDK. You would also hear them taking *****, having sex, masturbating, arguing, etc.
tsume24 3
that's life for you.
whited666 0
At least you don't smell them
DjeePee 25
Maybe they would stop making terrible loud farts if they were aware you could hear them. Or maybe you should simply accept the fact that people fart, and stop stifling them.
rhysfucker 24
Writes the girl in the gas mask. : )
DjeePee 25
I'm always prepared for FML's like this.
jesernoob 13
win!
rebekahah 7
Lol OP's username "silent one"
ohSNAPyall 27
SBD
mea_iloveskiing 26
Obviously they can hear anything, so farts aren't the biggest problem.
kkmwong 11
Fap fap fap.
Cappiej 18
You could have heared other things....
WallyTheWombat 0
Lol heared
ImmaB3AST 7
If I were you I'd turn it into a competition.
ruthchun92 2
...did you read the fml?