Today, I had to tell my wife that the new "vegan" diet she has put us on is not working with my body. It's not the horrible gas, hot shits, or constant hunger that made me realize this. It was the dream I had about fried chicken that did. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend told me the sauce he made for our dinner that was meat-based, trying to show me how nice meat is and stop me being a weirdo vegan. The reason I’m vegan is because my digestive system can’t handle animal protein. I’m writing this from the bathroom, vomiting myself to death. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML
Today, I told my husband we should try go vegan for a while to see if there were any health benefits. He threw me over his shoulder and put me outside, because, “crazy plant ladies live outside with the other vegetables.” FML
Today, after weeks of me "forgetting" to buy meat and animal products, my husband asked to talk. I was hoping he was getting the hints that I wanted us to go vegan. He wanted me to get checked for early-onset dementia. FML
Today, I had a friend tell me all about how being a vegan was so great. They were eating eggs. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up by saying, "Good morning! We're going to be vegans from now on." FML
Today, I fed my husband a vegan beef burger so I could show him that it tastes exactly the same when he didn’t notice. He noticed on the first bite and spat it across the kitchen because he thought the meat had expired before I cooked it, and tasted disgusting. FML
Today, I learned that the vomiting and uncontrollable flatulence I've been suffering from is normal with my new diet. FML
Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML
Today, my vegan girlfriend openly admitted that she'd let me die if she had to choose between saving my life or an animal's. She actually seemed confused as to why that upset me. FML
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Top comments
mega00ant 0
Bacon...who would give up bacon?!? I
Goatinsfriend 8
She made you go on the diet as well? I wouldn't go through with a vegan diet.
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Comments (86)
hamtaro331 0
Only in America people dream of fried chicken
KaiserSD 8
Why do people think that vegan is the right thing to do to torture your body? It so completely goes against the most basic necessities of the human body. If we weren't meant to eat meat, we would evolve to no longer require proteins chains and fat. Damn PETA.
jburkes 12
Actually, there is no biological need for meat. We eat it purely for pleasure. Everything we get from meat we can get from other, non animal places. Protein, for example, can be gained from beans.
nissa0909 16
This was a very uninformed comment. I have been a vegan for six years now. I dont take any vitamins or nutrients, and i dont eat any 'vegan chicken strips' or any fake meat foods. my doctor has told me i have never been healthier in my life. You do not need to eat meat to survive and i have never felt or looked better in my life. The reason i chose this diet? I battled cancer for three years and my doctor recomended it. Within six months of starting this diet, my doctors couldnt find any traces of cancer left in me. I had no surgeries and no chemo. Explain that.
phantumgrey 6
BACON..... The reason you're not a vegetarian!
SBCjunkie 3
It almost seems that he is implying he had a wet dream about this fried chicken
bubbalou21 0
going without meat is one thing, but what kind of monster would reject cheese?!?
perdix 31
Maybe a FIB.
KiddNYC1O 22
Oh man, hot buffalo wings with blue cheese.
liltexasdancer 0
I am vegan. Have been for two years. It's not hard and it's healthy, but if you don't have a good REASON to do it that you believe in, then you won't ever accomplish it. If its her who wants to be vegan, she shouldn't make you do it too.
Snafuusmc 12
Haha I get it! Chik-fil-a
llntrvr 1
I'm guessing some one had a white dream about chicken
ActionManly 11
Start cookin'