Today, I had to tell my wife that the new "vegan" diet she has put us on is not working with my body. It's not the horrible gas, hot shits, or constant hunger that made me realize this. It was the dream I had about fried chicken that did. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend told me the sauce he made for our dinner that was meat-based, trying to show me how nice meat is and stop me being a weirdo vegan. The reason I’m vegan is because my digestive system can’t handle animal protein. I’m writing this from the bathroom, vomiting myself to death. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML
Today, I told my husband we should try go vegan for a while to see if there were any health benefits. He threw me over his shoulder and put me outside, because, “crazy plant ladies live outside with the other vegetables.” FML
Today, after weeks of me "forgetting" to buy meat and animal products, my husband asked to talk. I was hoping he was getting the hints that I wanted us to go vegan. He wanted me to get checked for early-onset dementia. FML
Today, I had a friend tell me all about how being a vegan was so great. They were eating eggs. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up by saying, "Good morning! We're going to be vegans from now on." FML
Today, I fed my husband a vegan beef burger so I could show him that it tastes exactly the same when he didn’t notice. He noticed on the first bite and spat it across the kitchen because he thought the meat had expired before I cooked it, and tasted disgusting. FML
Today, I learned that the vomiting and uncontrollable flatulence I've been suffering from is normal with my new diet. FML
Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML
Today, my vegan girlfriend openly admitted that she'd let me die if she had to choose between saving my life or an animal's. She actually seemed confused as to why that upset me. FML
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Top comments
mega00ant 0
Bacon...who would give up bacon?!? I
Goatinsfriend 8
She made you go on the diet as well? I wouldn't go through with a vegan diet.
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Comments (86)
old09 11
I think the withholding of delicious meats (especially bacon) is grounds for divorce Any judge with one eye and half sense would agree
xMiss_Maggot 7
I never try fried chicken
rubberduckie94 13
WHAT??????? How does this happen unless you were raised vegetarian. To each their own, but you are really missing out. Unless it goes against your belief system you should try it out.
Justforlolz 14
YOU. MONSTER. How DARE you not experience the tasty goodness that is fired chicken?
takenover 15
Didn't you know that we all have dreams about fried chicken? I was dancing with one in my dream the other night. No, really though, that sucks! Hope the diet was ended.
ambamm135 7
I hate veg heads like that! I'm vegetarian as well but I don't put my family through that. They know why I chose it and that's that. If they don't want to go on that diet fine I'm not going to force them to. Props for trying though OP but I mean you obviously can't handle it. Just tell your wife and if she doesn't like it then too bad. It's your life not hers.
Pentium_4 27
poor bastard. how can you resist tacos, steak, and cheeseburgers....i'd rather die than go vegan!
laurbear12 3
Seriously!! No cheese even!
writergirl23 19
That's the vegan life style ... No meat, no products that animals produce, like milk and eggs. Really bad for you even if you do take supplements. Even if you aren't pregnant, though I would advise vegans and vegetarians to eat meat and products from them when they're pregnant and remind themselves it's either the health of their baby or the lives of some cows that are going to die anyway.
Barn312009 0
That makes no sense, if a pregnant woman needs to eat it to keep them "healthy", why would it be bad for you if u are not pregnant? Am I missing something here??
Barn312009 0
Disregard, I switched your context around.
greeneyedpothead 10
Vegans are actually really healthy. Animal byproducts and their meat cause a lot of harm to the body, especially the industrialized, chemical crap they serve as meat nowadays. In my opinion, I think your baby is better off without, unless you're raising your own meat or something. Also there are a ton of Vegan options, it's not like there is absolutely nothing you can eat. I'm not trying to change anyone's opinions, just think people should educate themselves on the subject more, its really interesting.
greeneyedpothead 10
Vegans are actually really healthy. Animal byproducts and their meat cause a lot of harm to the body, especially the industrialized, chemical crap they serve as meat nowadays. In my opinion, I think your baby is better off without, unless you're raising your own meat or something. Also there are a ton of Vegan options, it's not like there is absolutely nothing you can eat. I'm not trying to change anyone's opinions, just think people should educate themselves on the subject more, its really interesting.
schmelia 10
It's actually very easy to be a healthy vegetarian without supplements (I am one). It's slightly harder to get B12 as a vegan but that's really the only significant difference nutritionally. There is also a lot of evidence to show that being a healthy, pregnant vegetarian/vegan is very achievable. If you don't put effort into planning your diet and figuring out where your nutrients are coming from, you're sure to be unhealthy, whether you're vegetarian, vegan, or an omnivore.
MissHayleyJames 7
Like someone else mentioned, there are certain proteins and amino acids we can ONLY get from animal products. Now, I don't know if there are synthetic versions in pill form out there that vegans can take, but the only one's I've seen are made from animals.
vegetarian982 0
36- Humans are going to die so why don't you just eat them. But no one does because it is considered wrong. So explain why people eat meat. And if a vegan diet is so unhealthy then explain all the herbivores on the planet that lead healthy meat free lifes.
Xianthos 2
Thats a true love if you go through this insane diet with your wife! Respect! I dont know if i could do it myself ...
5HT2A 5
Hence why biologically humans aren't omnivores
VasilisaUzhasnaj 29
You mean herbivores?
melibear89 7
26-you need to go back to biology. Humans eat both meat and plants otherwise we'd either have flat Teeth or pointed teeth not both.
5HT2A 5
Have you guys not heard of sarcasm?
swampbilly 5
Vegans are idiots, god has a special place for all his creatures...right next to the taters and gravy
swampbilly 5
I'm guessing people that dont like this are Obama loving liberals? Or PETA terrorist...
Justin23L 2
"Stop having an opinion that I don't have!"
schmelia 10
Wow, I'm so glad you could back up your opinion with some solid fact there. You've convinced me - I should definitely stop being an idiot and eat some dead animals.
Xx3rdBASSxX 9
**** you I'm vegan
lajaynay 15
I could never be a vegan. Props for trying it for your wife's sake. Seriously though... **** that. I love pork, chicken, and beef. Nom.
acetheone 8
Mmmmm.... fried chicken.