Today, I had to tell my wife that the new "vegan" diet she has put us on is not working with my body. It's not the horrible gas, hot shits, or constant hunger that made me realize this. It was the dream I had about fried chicken that did. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend told me the sauce he made for our dinner that was meat-based, trying to show me how nice meat is and stop me being a weirdo vegan. The reason I’m vegan is because my digestive system can’t handle animal protein. I’m writing this from the bathroom, vomiting myself to death. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML
Today, I told my husband we should try go vegan for a while to see if there were any health benefits. He threw me over his shoulder and put me outside, because, “crazy plant ladies live outside with the other vegetables.” FML
Today, after weeks of me "forgetting" to buy meat and animal products, my husband asked to talk. I was hoping he was getting the hints that I wanted us to go vegan. He wanted me to get checked for early-onset dementia. FML
Today, I had a friend tell me all about how being a vegan was so great. They were eating eggs. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up by saying, "Good morning! We're going to be vegans from now on." FML
Today, I fed my husband a vegan beef burger so I could show him that it tastes exactly the same when he didn’t notice. He noticed on the first bite and spat it across the kitchen because he thought the meat had expired before I cooked it, and tasted disgusting. FML
Today, I learned that the vomiting and uncontrollable flatulence I've been suffering from is normal with my new diet. FML
Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML
Today, my vegan girlfriend openly admitted that she'd let me die if she had to choose between saving my life or an animal's. She actually seemed confused as to why that upset me. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
mega00ant 0
Bacon...who would give up bacon?!? I
Goatinsfriend 8
She made you go on the diet as well? I wouldn't go through with a vegan diet.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (86)
Xythenol 6
Dude, go out and buy some damn chicken.
redbluegreen 41
Pollo frito! Pollo frito! Pollo frito!
UsernameHere234 13
Was it you making love to the fried chicken and licking and biting it all over especially the breast meat? Cuz I have had... I mean ya that'd be weird.
UsernameHere234 13
There is truly nothing wrong with being vegetarian or even vegan. The problem is for those who try to be they need to find different methods of getting other types of proteins and often it will take a long time for the body to get used to it because we are evolutionarily geared toward omnivory
etoilenuit 15
If your having all those issues your not eating a vegan diet correctly. In fact, you should never go hungry because there's no calorie counting. You can eat as much as you want. And if your not eating as much because you don't like it, then your wife needs to learn how to cook :)
Nitrogenica 6
Thermodynamics, dude, basic... energy in must be equal to or less than energy out, or you'll gain weight. If you eat 3000 calories of vegan food it's the same as 3000 calories of fried crap. I don't really understand what point you're making with the calorie thing?
schmelia 10
Or he could learn to cook meals he likes instead of relying on his wife to do it...
schmelia 10
And you can certainly be an obese vegan. Vegan whipped cream, vegan sour cream, vegan cheese, chips... There's a hell of a lot of processed crap you can buy from the supermarket that also happens to be vegan, unfortunately.
TheDrifter 24
And if eating the leftover chemicals found in flesh bothers you, never, ever look into how vegan replicas of non vegan products are made. The amount of chemicals and chemical alteration that goes into making vegan "chick'n strips" is truly disturbing. Yes, I know first hand, I am the trucker that delivers their chemicals.
MargaretColleen 8
Don't feel bad. If I were on a vegan diet, I would be dreaming about fried chicken, too.
corytheg 6
Heck yah
crauen 0
P.E.T.A, people eating tasty animals. I would never give up my membership.
isis_morrigan 18
Hopefully your body will adjust eventually, or she will stop forcing you to follow her diet. I say sneak out and get some fried chicken! What she don't know won't hurt her!
shiftless 8
You're supposed to cheat like every vegan does! Just make a run to KFC!