Today, I was getting intimate with my husband on our anniversary day. He climbed on top of me and firmly placed his penis on my nose. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he burst into laughter and said I looked just like Squidward. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while in the middle of giving my husband a blow job, I looked up to see him staring into space and vigorously picking his nose. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML
Today, I was having amazing sex with my husband. When he blew his load, he also blew something else - a giant glob of snot, directly at my face. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my husband, and I tried to do a swift position-change like they do in the movies. I wound up flipping off the bed and busting my nose open on the floor. FML
Today, while being intimate with my future husband, I reached over to stroke his cheek. The light behind him cast a shadow over my chest, and it scared me so much, I screamed then I farted on him. FML
Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend in bed after a round of amazing sex. He decided it would be a great time to stick his finger up my nose. FML
Today, I was having an intimate moment with my detachable shower head. I opened my eyes to find my husband of 4 months looking down on me. The only thing he said was, "You too?" FML
Today, I decided to surprise my husband in the shower. I got in and we were talking and goofing around and I stuck out my chest and sucked in my stomach being stupid, and my husband said, "Wait! Do it again! That's how you looked when I first met you." FML
Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML
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Top comments
joeyf23 5
that's hilarious but kinda weird
SquashedSpider7 0
AMAZING! Your Husband is BOSS!!!
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Comments (225)
ClassyCommando 13
i can has first commentz?
joeyf23 5
that's hilarious but kinda weird
nateiztite 5
I'm so trying this now!!
ALpein 0
It's only gross because the only person you can pretend to be is Patrick.
DropTheDaggerxx 31
Hey Squidward, are you finished with those errands?
flagg1888 3
Be more worried that he knows who that character is
evilscorpi 29
I avidly laughed at this...lol
You_Need_Soap 6
Tell him to eat your krabby patty
Ididyourmother 4
that's F-ing hilarious!!
christyxbee 15
New favorite, new favorite!
zombicidal 11
blue penis?
RavenRiley007 4
ppl are funny...ur boyfriend's a troll
Juggalette_623 9
At least he wasn't going for nasal. Your nose would never regain its shape. :D
disturbedrox11 17
76- I would be more worried if he didn't know who that character was.
Manganimegrl 16
136- Love the pic!
TheRealBruce 12
Oh noo that's gross but pretty funny.
zoPwNAgEzo 21
Haha I love how your comment and profile are all family guy
boofgall 16
^ Off topic. I'd laugh if my boyfriend did that. Kinda kinky ;D
KairiLycan 0
Oh no! I knowwww.
iliketurdles 7
That's Alans penis. Oh nooo!
mylifepwnz 0
Not gross If your married. Your husband is boss.
SquashedSpider7 0
AMAZING! Your Husband is BOSS!!!
IscoreOnU 19
Thumbs it down but how can you not laugh at this Fml. Hahahahahahahaha. Ha.
armyofficerwife 0
Give her a mushroom stamp. Like a boss!!!
Naitsi 19
thumbs this one down to, but So true :P
FMLandurstoo 9
You were probably grouchy like him too after that
CryMoreFMLs 15
What a mood killer.... ....but so very worth it. This is pure gold!
FMLandurstoo 9
It makes sense now. Her husband is gayboii.
flockz 20
gayboii wouldnt be in bed with a girl though..... it would be a box of markers.
Iheartfunny 1
songebob was like my favourite cartoon as a kid... until I dicovered the overwhelming magic of internet ****.
Soloman212 28
That's his way of telling you that his penis is blue and thicker at the end, which means he probably has some STD or another. Get away, fast!
Charlie_Gardner 5
^this
flockz 20
IS SPARTAAA
needsmoresleep 0
well, which one isn't thicker at the end?
False_Stupidity 42
Depends on which end you're referring to.
SilverInGray 25
I wonder if he finds that to be a good thing?
rockstar417 0
Lmfao.
ohMYsmurf 0
LMAOOOOOOOO Random husband much :p
Naomimi_fml 6
Tell him you've got Krabs.
XKXKKXK 10
The Krustier the better.
katekat 0
Haha.
insanedane1 0
So does Sandy..>_>
djgomezzi9331 0
Your husband seems awesome. This is the kind of FML that makes me wish there was a "your life doesn't suck" button in addition to the other two.
turtlegrl66 11
agreed!!!
Manganimegrl 16
Same here