Today, I had to tell my wife that the new "vegan" diet she has put us on is not working with my body. It's not the horrible gas, hot shits, or constant hunger that made me realize this. It was the dream I had about fried chicken that did. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend told me the sauce he made for our dinner that was meat-based, trying to show me how nice meat is and stop me being a weirdo vegan. The reason I’m vegan is because my digestive system can’t handle animal protein. I’m writing this from the bathroom, vomiting myself to death. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML
Today, I told my husband we should try go vegan for a while to see if there were any health benefits. He threw me over his shoulder and put me outside, because, “crazy plant ladies live outside with the other vegetables.” FML
Today, after weeks of me "forgetting" to buy meat and animal products, my husband asked to talk. I was hoping he was getting the hints that I wanted us to go vegan. He wanted me to get checked for early-onset dementia. FML
Today, I had a friend tell me all about how being a vegan was so great. They were eating eggs. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up by saying, "Good morning! We're going to be vegans from now on." FML
Today, I fed my husband a vegan beef burger so I could show him that it tastes exactly the same when he didn’t notice. He noticed on the first bite and spat it across the kitchen because he thought the meat had expired before I cooked it, and tasted disgusting. FML
Today, I learned that the vomiting and uncontrollable flatulence I've been suffering from is normal with my new diet. FML
Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML
Today, my vegan girlfriend openly admitted that she'd let me die if she had to choose between saving my life or an animal's. She actually seemed confused as to why that upset me. FML
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Top comments
mega00ant 0
Bacon...who would give up bacon?!? I
Goatinsfriend 8
She made you go on the diet as well? I wouldn't go through with a vegan diet.
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Comments (86)
saintdalman 4
I'm all for moderation over extremism, but this FML and even moreso the comments are an absolute celebration of the lack of self-control. Replace "chicken" with "alcohol" in this thread and you'd all be calling each other alcoholics. Not to mention all the "science" is largely incorrect and self-serving. I don't want to live on this planet any more.
alexalyles 6
great!! im not the only one who has dreams of fried chicken.....
listicka 5
I think it's totally selfish to subject partner to their own eating preferences. She can be vegan if she wants to be but she should not force her partner. Husband can cook what he wants or if she stays at home and he works she should cook for him what he finds preferable.
twkusn05 0
There is nothing wrong with that! No man should be robbed of meat or dairy! Rise up my friend, REVOLT!!
MigraineurOfLife 15
I thought everyone dreamed of KFC
PH723 1
Are you black?
roninvamp 4
Easiest thing to do is jus dump her, can't trust a woman that doesn't meat
linnie_wesker 20
Like everyone else is saying, OP why the hell did you let her force you to go on a special diet? I'm a vegetarian but I would -never- even attempt to force anyone to follow the same diet, that's just stupid. It's like forcing religion on people, it never ends well. Although, if she went straight from eating meat to being a vegan with no transition phase, she'll probably snap and eat meat anyway.
TH3CHI3F 2
Really r u sure it wasn't the hot *****
HighGTurn 12
Vegans fail