Today, I had to tell my wife that the new "vegan" diet she has put us on is not working with my body. It's not the horrible gas, hot shits, or constant hunger that made me realize this. It was the dream I had about fried chicken that did. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend told me the sauce he made for our dinner that was meat-based, trying to show me how nice meat is and stop me being a weirdo vegan. The reason I’m vegan is because my digestive system can’t handle animal protein. I’m writing this from the bathroom, vomiting myself to death. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML
Today, I told my husband we should try go vegan for a while to see if there were any health benefits. He threw me over his shoulder and put me outside, because, “crazy plant ladies live outside with the other vegetables.” FML
Today, after weeks of me "forgetting" to buy meat and animal products, my husband asked to talk. I was hoping he was getting the hints that I wanted us to go vegan. He wanted me to get checked for early-onset dementia. FML
Today, I had a friend tell me all about how being a vegan was so great. They were eating eggs. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up by saying, "Good morning! We're going to be vegans from now on." FML
Today, I fed my husband a vegan beef burger so I could show him that it tastes exactly the same when he didn’t notice. He noticed on the first bite and spat it across the kitchen because he thought the meat had expired before I cooked it, and tasted disgusting. FML
Today, I learned that the vomiting and uncontrollable flatulence I've been suffering from is normal with my new diet. FML
Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML
Today, my vegan girlfriend openly admitted that she'd let me die if she had to choose between saving my life or an animal's. She actually seemed confused as to why that upset me. FML
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Top comments
mega00ant 0
Bacon...who would give up bacon?!? I
Goatinsfriend 8
She made you go on the diet as well? I wouldn't go through with a vegan diet.
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Comments (86)
missyj0 12
..... what?
G6chick 0
That's messed up I'm basically vegan and I don't ask my bfs to go vegan for me
mariejinx 1
bfs.. as in there's more than one??
MischievousLoki 6
You should maybe eat meat or anything from animals when you are not with your wife? But how long have you been eating vegan for now? Because it possibly will take a long time to adjust to it.
MissHayleyJames 7
The vegan/vegetarian argument: Animal products really harm your body The omnivore argument: Being vegan/vegetarian you don't get all the nutrients you need My conclusion: We're going to be unhealthy either way and we're all gonna die so bring on the steak!
MissHayleyJames 7
The growth hormones given to animals don't do any harm to us since it's essentially all out of their system by the time they reach the processing plant. Whatever miniscule levels are still in their systems are much much too low to have an affect on us. Also, cattle that are given hormones are leaner than naturally raised cattle so that's better for your heart. They might not have quite as much flavor but they're healthier.
SuddsTv 6
Classic Excuse : Honey my boss called me he said i had to go to work right now! , then go to kfc , best time to do this. ona a day you dont have to work ,in that daytime
nissa0909 16
I have been a vegan for six years now. I dont take any vitamins or nutrients, and i dont eat any 'vegan chicken strips' or any fake meat foods. my doctor has told me i have never been healthier in my life. You do not need to eat meat to survive and i have never felt or looked better in my life. The reason i chose this diet? I battled cancer for two years and my doctor recomended it. Within six months of starting this diet, my doctors couldnt find any traces of cancer left in me. I had no surgeries and no chemo. Explain that. Although i don't agree with your wife
curet118 0
Vegan diets are rough on your body if you don't slowly go into it. You have to start as a vegetarian for a few months.
Xx3rdBASSxX 9
I'm a vegan and I didn't do that
discojaxx 7
I gave up red meat and pork over a year ago and still have dreams about cheeseburgers. This is normal, don't worry.
iloveweed69 7
Mmmm chicken