Today, I got circumcised by my girlfriend's braces. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Today, I got circumcised. After the surgery, my girlfriend got drunk and texted all of her friends about it. FML
Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML
Today, I was fooling around with my new girlfriend. I guess she'd never been with an uncircumcised man before, because before I knew it I had a frenulum tear and had to go to the ER. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend for the first time. In an attempt to be romantic, I tried taking her panties off with my teeth. I got a mouthful of pubes stuck in my braces. FML
Today, I got my braces off. I also got my tongue pierced. Both by my orthodontist. FML
Today, I got my lip pierced. By the orthodontist. FML
Today, I didn't have plans on shaving my pubic hair. My girlfriend's braces thought otherwise. FML
Today, I popped a boner while my braces were being tightened. FML
Skinny love
Today, my girlfriend told me that I have “too much foreskin” and that I’d need to get circumcised if we were going to stay together. I’m already circumcised. FML
Run away, now
Today, my girlfriend gave me a choice of having a circumcision or breaking up with her. Either way I'm going to lose something I hold dear. FML
Top comments
DFlit1 0
Better late than never... No but really that sucks I'm sorry OP
volleyballgrrl 6
At least you're not your girlfriend.. she has that stuck in her mouth! Ummm eww?
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Comments (270)
DocBastard 40
This FML is pure hyperbole, I'm afraid. Sorry to put a damper on the horror story, but as someone who A) had braces and B) performs circumcisions, I can guarantee that the most you got was a little scratch on your little wang.
mikeymayhem_87 15
Owned by the Doc!! XD
VertigoF8 2
I'm with Doc on this. At the very worst, OP maybe got a scratch. Braces might be metal but they are not knives in your mouth. As for the people who think pulling the foreskin would somehow peel or pull it off, you're either an idiot or just severely misinformed. That's not how it works. Foreskins are not like the plastic covering of a soda bottle, easily peeled off or torn. They're pretty well attached to the penis, that's why you need to cut it off to circumcise someone. And as I've said braces are not very sharp. Even assuming that OP's girl had a loose wire, (not likely because I'm sure OP has enough sense to turn down a BJ from a girl with a loose wire), if it caught the foreskin and she pulled away, OP's hips would follow her face wherever she went. It's kind of like someone bending your finger back, you move your hand or wrist to alleviate the strain.
VertigoF8 2
Oh yeah, I'd also like to point out that every single girl possesses weapons in their mouth that are ten times more threatening than braces: teeth. Braces are not even angled toward the penis during the *******, but teeth are the equivalent of razor sharp knives perfectly aimed at the penis currently intruding on their territory. One false move, a little hip thrust that makes her gag, and they are in excellent position to severely harm, maim, or even potentially decapitate an unsuspecting phallus, all unintentionally. While teeth aren't metal, they are made, MADE, for chopping and mashing penis sized objects, and they practice just that at least THREE TIMES A DAY, EVERY SINGLE DAY. So men, don't look at girls with braces as particularly dangerous. Look at ALL girls as potential phallus maimers. YOU ARE NEVER SAFE. Women, when you're chewing a hotdog, corn dog, bratwurst, whatever, don't make extended eye contact with any man or he will have nightmares. Horrible, terrible nightmares.
sadistmonkey 19
Then again, if this happened to you, wouldn't you exaggerate? Seems like it would hurt a lot regardless of whether or not the OP was truly "circumcised".
YourHuckleberry 0
I'm becoming a fan of DocBastard. Especially when he calls people out. :)
chels1994 11
Oooo gotta be careful of that
likasumboooodi 0
I pray for you....that would have ****** hurt!
AdriTheCutie 0
ow
9R1NC3S5 0
Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww……… That blows the big one Hun, men with turtle necks is best. Just saying.
cradle6 13
Mazel tov!
cradle6 13
Damn it double post.
benderbot19 0
I just died a little on the inside.
grannygruber 6
Sorry dude but...ROFLMFAO!
fuzzywolf 8
I winced at this, ouch D: