Bobby M
Ireland
Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
Canada
Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML
Chester (Seattle)
United States
Today, I got circumcised. After the surgery, my girlfriend got drunk and texted all of her friends about it. FML
loser
France
Today, I was at a bar and very drunk. I went to the urinal and when I was done, I went to zip up, then realized I'd never unzipped. FML
Anonymous
This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff
United States
Pain like no one has ever seen before
Today, I found out how it feels to get your nut-sack caught in a belt buckle. FML
liu_kang
United States
Today, my schlong decided to enter Mortal Kombat with my pants zipper. Guess which of the two won a flawless victory? FML
box bulge
China
Today, whilst trying on a pair of jeans, I got my genitals caught in my fly. I'm a woman. FML
eiregal2
Cork, Ireland
Butterfingers
Today, I somehow managed to slice open my thumb. The dangerous weapon that caused this to happen? Velcro. FML
Anonymous
United States
Today, I got my lip pierced. By the orthodontist. FML
Seamstressed
Italy
It's called fashion, OK? Look it up.
Today, I was sewing a top. Due to a mistake, I had to unstitch the zipper and resew it. When I was almost done, I noticed that the zipper was upside down. FML
Anonymous
United States
Today, while at the store, my fly became undone. It doesn't seem that bad unless an old lady comes to "zip it up for you." FML
Top comments
Michaelgee 2
I guess you can you say your fashion sense is certainly "cutting edge" Sincerely, Your useless superhero Bad Pun Man.
hannah1203 2
Rabbi's don't get paid to do circumcisions, but they do keep the tips...
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Comments (403)
sterlingarcher 1
OMG sounds painful!!!
mfmylifesrsly 30
2 - even if it's painful, he deserves it for not wanting to be circumcised, for the Lord commands it. trollololololololol
hannah1203 2
Rabbi's don't get paid to do circumcisions, but they do keep the tips...
strizz18 0
OMG sounds pleasurable!!
iBanana 17
Why would a religious leader keep the tips of somebodies penis.
volley4eva1698 0
48- I heard if you put them in a blender and sprinkle cinnamon on it it tastes just like a taco mmhhhm yep
corndawg 2
i see what you did there 30
FTWaffles 2
The irony of this fml is the fact that getting circumcised (in other cultures such as mine) are a way into manhood. In op's case, I'm not quite sure.. pain....
abbi96x 0
Stick it back on with glue!:')
kautiepye 0
geesh bro...really like fyl
saaaalt 4
ouuch. I feel uncomfortable now & I don't even have one of those.
Screwie 25
I bet you didn't give the favor back, right? What a selfish ho, poor zipper but FYL anyway.
skyeyez9 25
To make a necklace?
noeyolivia 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
what does circumcised mean?
icanhazblivions 1
I'm sure they are quaking in their boots at your wise words, epyck.
TookaWooka666 0
My wiener hurts now, but this is why you don't get to hastey and rush the zippin, that's your precious wood pecker down there and you have to make sure he's all the way in the bird house before you shut the door.
bbucaro98 0
circumsision is when they cut off ur 4skin
sheagstaz 0
tell me when you get a lucky pair of pants.I think those are due for an exchange
drewgreenan 0
to chop off your foreskin
drewgreenan 0
to cut off your foreskin, I think
nolaneldridge 1
are you stupid?
spartanfan68 0
118 circumcision is when you have the tip of your penis removed for religious purposes of to prevent stds
volley4eva1698 0
118-this is why we have google.
EvilPotato 15
yes OP that must have felt awesome.
ahole123 0
A single tear went down my cheek when I read this...
deafeningsilence 8
If 118 doesn't know what circumcision is, then I doubt that she'll know what foreskin is.
zowieandzander77 1
if you don't know what circumcision is then you shouldn't be on this site!
bitchin94 2
you have no* idea
icanrockyourworl 0
get off fml.
VorpikeII 17
people are being circumcised for health reasons now to. Apparently it prevents infections and thongs like that. I was circumcised for religious reasons so I wouldn't have first hand experience though.
fmlwmty 0
who would **** me... girl blonde blue eyes hot ( says my friends and people) .... but flat
isaidexcuseme 0
zip it back up
eltapatio16 5
when you finger yourself by accident.
eltapatio16 5
at 118
agummere796 0
.........
purplepenguine 0
I would laugh. very hard if 118 was a guy
abbi96x 0
270 - this isn't a dating site.
fuff_fml 4
ahaha. damn. nice word choice :)
dustinkershaw 0
haha, ikr.
MissBrainDamage 0
Circumcision does not prevent STDs. dur.
PrimeStarscream 30
Of course it hurts.
babe7260 30
Sick!!!!
jdeshnerx3 0
you left a nice tip :)
RavenRacing 3
winnn
Takador 3
WTF??? Don't you wear underwear?? How is that even possible??
EatnBeef 7
I had to keep my penis chained to me leg so shit like this won't happen. and if he growls at me I beat him till he's unconscious:)
DoubtedSeeker 0
hahaha that's pretty clever :)
Lanceeden 12
should run around with some tape and stick it on random peoples foreheads. Then scream and run away.
TheObnoxiousNarw 1
? @lancedeen?
gladstone123 5
*Cringe*
Mitcha857 0
ow ow ow ow! I feel so bad for you OP
tencalories 3
awwww dude why I feel so bad
Pawned71 0
MAZEL TOV!
chickunkey 0
At least op had a foreskin to rip off :"( *sob*
toqwert 0
Ooooh ow! Holy shit that had to hurt...
epyk_pryncess 8
you can call your parents and thank them, for saving money on it since you did it yourself. ...ish
catrav77 0
...ish?
epyk_pryncess 8
yes, ish. it's not an actual circumcision, it's an ish. :)
catrav77 0
aah! I have been enlightened! :)
epyk_pryncess 8
you're welcome. feel free to add that to your vocabulary. it comes in great when you can't find the right word;)
ninjaCarebear 17
parents dont have to pay to get their kid circumcised. the doctor just asks if they want it cut off or not then they cut it off quick.
epyk_pryncess 8
64- really? are you even old enough to have sex Ed? cause when my 4 year old was born guess what? mommy and her insurance company paid for the circumcision!!! so stfu before you say "oh they just cut it off"... smh the ****!
itsmeyippie 0
Epyk, You made my day.... :) OP did it literally circumcise you or did it just hurt really fricken bad?
epyk_pryncess 8
you're welcome. I don't try to get into much on here but if someone tries to throw it like they know what's up... I will light the biggest ******* match under their ass and watch them try and hang.... ******* idiot +_+
catrav77 0
hehe you show 'em!
snade 0
ORLY
anorexicbarbie 8
75 calm down!
itsmeyippie 0
Tell it like it is sister!
epyk_pryncess 8
97- no, I dont think I will. how stupid does one have to be? both the Dipshit who said circumcision was free and I live in the US so it's not like a cultural issue. dude is straight ******* retarded. just as a majority of people on fml gripe about... get your facts before commenting, or you will get annihilated! but thanks for caring about my blood pressure :)
snade 0
ORLY
jakel121 0
Epyk, your hot.
itsmeyippie 0
From now on you will always be a role model of mine, with Randy Jackson, Michael Jackson, and Chuck Norris, and You. I will always think " How would they operate in this situation? a) fight- b) sing and moonwalk- c) change the subject- or d) smack talk the f*ck out of them
epyk_pryncess 8
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahha! love it.
itsmeyippie 0
Always here to give a laugh or two =D
nexismyname 0
'when my 4 year old was born' ouch.
epyk_pryncess 8
how is that an ouch? obviously he was born 4 years ago, now a 4 yr old...
jvillan87 5
Yeah...pretty sure he was joking 192...
jvillan87 5
Yeah...pretty sure he was joking 192...
Grimmerie 31
why the hell would you pay a doctor to mutilate your son's penis?
jakel121 0
it isn't mutilating. it is a part of many cultures and is not harmful.
robotiick 12
4- u made my day lol
decomposerix 0
can I do u
ultimatum946 0
107- you do need to calm down in some places circomsition is free. It was free here in Canada since it was covered by taxes. :)
epyk_pryncess 8
considering the one who said circumcision was free is also from the US is why I said something. not once was Canada brought up. since Canada has free health care and the US doesn't, please don't compare when it's something not comparable.
epyk_pryncess 8
236- please don't take offense to why I just said, it was not meant to offend, I think my wording came off a little harsh. but what I was saying was the one who started the "free"circumcision rant is from the US and has no clue what s/he is saying
dbss11 3
I agree with epic, people shouldn't say things that they don't know, because then they convey false information to others and then they spread that information and it causes a chain reaction. so just don't assume things pretty much, and it's just really annoying when someone is talking about something they know nothing about, makes them sound ignorant too
epyk_pryncess 8
thank you 271.
Maliicious 1
when you pay for something in taxes that means it's not free so in reality Canadians pay for circumscision as well.
snade 0
LOLUMADBRO
iLikeBoyes22 0
wow calm your ****
motorcycleman333 0
You have a four year old child, yet you still spend time arguing with strangers on "FML"?
itsmeyippie 0
So you are stating you have never gotten into an argruement with someone that is stubborn and tries to change your words? Internet or not, mother/father or not, even mature or not, It's still kinda frustrating. I would know because there is like 50 of these people in my school, haters can hate, it's annoying.
potatoe_barf 13
What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off!
jewfro311 0
ouch.
comepoopwithme 0
how is the zipper finding the perimeter of a circle painful?
__ShAd0w__ 0
That's the circumference you ******* moron...
Jenna_Tell_Yuh 0
208, you read my mind.
dudeitsdanny 10
Today, I got circumferenced by my zipper.. I'm gonna say that to some lucky stranger/acquaintenance(I feel like I misspelled this, but it's a hassle to check from my ipod..) tomorrow.
Blake4477 0
208 and 289) Y'all just made my freakin day I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in my life!!(:
salvorican 24
Sounds like you weren't ready for big boy pants..
bodmonontheblock 0
sik hair
jakezanerd 0
ZING!
chronicxxl 0
Did molten lava men take advantage of you and finish up in your hair?
joooeee 3
better now than never! or never is okay...
mr_smiley227 0
you should've super glued it
cumverg 0
^This
immahotbetch 0
you would know.
Crazy4Christ 0
eeew
MrSexyPants 14
I think I just died a little bit inside.
xxxInsanexxx 9
I think I died a little bit inside at your epic username. :)
hellogoodbye1996 6
it's not that epic..5th grade called it wants it's name back. yeah when I was in 5th grade I was calling my friend that
jakel121 0
Maybe you are speaking of me? I have been called Mr. Sexy Pants.
Notsocharmedlife 0
Damn dude! I'm a girl
blcarter81 0
congrats...
Michele2luv 8
^^ win!
DynamicDave 11
Want a cookie?
mattmadden 0
Yes.
extreemguy19 7
too bad, bitch. make me a sammich.