Today, I was grocery shopping, when an elderly lady walked up to me and tripped over her own feet. I caught her by the arm, at which point she shrieked at me for "groping" her. She ended up smirking as security threw me out of the store. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I saw an elderly woman struggling to reach the top shelf in my local grocery store, so I went over and asked if she needed help. She then accused me of flirting with her and had me escorted from the property. FML
Today, I was at the supermarket when an elderly lady asked if I'd grab some coffee for her from a high shelf. The moment I took my hands off my almost-full shopping cart, she made off with it. I ended up getting thrown out by security after she claimed I was trying to steal it from her. FML
Today, while bagging my groceries at a store, a lady came over to me, took a good look at the food I'd bought, picked out an item and put it in her bag. When I confronted her, she called security on me and told them I wanted to steal her stuff. I got thrown out and she walked away with a smirk. FML
Today, a guy grabbed my ass at the mall. I whirled around and went to sock him. He ducked and I accidentally hit the elderly woman standing behind him in the face. To say all hell broke loose would be an understatement. FML
Today, I was at the mall, when I saw an elderly lady drop her groceries, so I rushed over to help her pick them up. She took one look at me, called me a "Liberal bastard," and shouted for me to get away from her before she called the cops. FML
Today, I was walking out of a grocery store. I hit the button on my key to open the trunk, which hit an old lady just under her chin and knocked her to the ground. As she laid there, she pointed a shaky, bony finger at me and yelled that she would sue me for everything I have. FML
Today, I was at the supermarket when I saw an elderly lady slip on a wet patch of floor. I ran over to help, and I almost fell too before steadying myself. Then some pimply cockmunch of a teen decided to kick my legs out from under me and walk away while laughing his balls off. FML
Today, I was out shopping when an old lady bumped into me and dropped her purse. Trying to help, I bent over to pick it up, at which point she battered the shit out of me, called me a "filthy thief" and threatened to open an umbrella in my ass. What the fuck has the world come to? FML
Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went over and helped her up. Instead of thanking me, she called me a pervert and slapped me around with her cane. FML
Today, an old lady fell in the street, and I rushed to help her. As I tried to help her to her feet, she started screaming, "She pushed me! She pushed me!" I froze up in shock, and ended up being chased by some guy who thought I'd attacked her. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
gracehi 33
Your username sums it up.
Cyanide03 7
The elderly can be cruel.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (101)
Gabrielo_fml 6
Lucky
Superstitious 6
...for groping an old lady?
Cyanide03 7
The elderly can be cruel.
enormouselephant 15
They have to find some way to have fun!
andyyroxx 20
So frequently are people posting FML's about the elderly falsely accusing them and mindfucking us over whether or not to do good deeds though...
RpiesSPIES 27
Maybe she had Alzheimers and forgot she tripped.
oj101 33
Who says the old cant have fun?
heygirlie777 21
40- I love your reverse haiku.
ICastillo 25
Ya you don't **** with old people they have been around a long time.
epicskier 3
Ha, I can't wait till I can do that!
Paco_el_Taco 17
Hey #40, haiku syllable structure is 5-7-5, not 7-5-7. Example: Haikus are easy, But sometimes they don't make sense, Refrigerator
Paco_el_Taco 17
O man, I just saw the irony behind his "haiku" with his name. I'm ashamed at myself for being that person to call him out...
Pandacupcakelove 26
53- There are other ways to have fun than publicly humiliating people who tried to help you...
Carmstro 13
Terrible poet, I regret to inform you Your structure is wrong. I enjoyed it all the same though. :)
AKGirlinSD 20
Adding to 37's comment: Imagine how cruel these elderly people were younger, maybe even their entire lives'? I highly doubt that, out of the blue, they just decided to be assholes to random strangers giving them a helping hand. Or is it that they just happen to be grumpy that day and decide to take it out on someone else? I'm very curious here!
Carmstro 13
Ouch... I'm new here, someone help me out as to why I was thumbs downed? Didn't think my little haiku was that bad. :(
Carmstro 13
I was going to post a disclaimer saying that I understood that Terrible Poet's name was a dead giveaway. That's just the only haiku I could think of! I thought it would take away from the comment... Bad decision maybe?
mfischer 17
Carmstro, sometimes it's better to just accept a thumbed down comment and move on. However, I would infer that you got thumbed down because the hordes of fml were probably done with haikus after the first few. Don't let it get you down.
Carmstro 13
Just looking for constructive criticism for the future. Thanks!
gracehi 33
Your username sums it up.
simonsaysYDI 8
*knocks on wood for OP* Ya never know =
KindaFunnyRight 8
I bet that bitch will choke on a lemon cough drop in no time!
Pretty_reckless_fml 18
85- or on her false teeth :D
nightslayer 6
Destroy thy beast
MormonPornstar 7
Agreed. Put weights in the left pockets of her pants and blouse and watch her crumble under her poor bone structure.
olpally 33
Love the username op... That's true!!! Lol... Old people are so ungrateful and mean sometimes...
LiesAndMischief 4
Or how 'bout just people in general?
niallo 23
She has probably done this before. Everyone she did this too will let the next old person fall. She may not realize it, but old people can die from broken hips. I'm a nurse, I've seen it myself.
AwkwardHaole808 16
The joys of being old. Getting away with things you shouldn't.
stronghand0331 17
Laxatives are like tic-tacs to the elderly.
daliagrande 17
She should've said thank you. Some elderly people are too grumpy.
TrailblazerSS 5
I bet she is just upset nobody will voluntarily grope her.
onlychildFTW 34
Probably. And that's why she smirked as he got thrown out. Mean old grumpy people.
LoveGuru69 0
maybe grandma had a third nipple on her arm. Its possible, and that would also be considered groping
scrappy23 4
Old people can get away with anything. Who would want to grope a grandma in the first place.
Jaxx66 21
Ewww no way. I'm not sure that I'd even catch someone when they fall now, thanks to FML and all the nice bystanders that get screwed for it. My plan when I get old was to run around with a colander on my head and scream about the 'Damn-Commies' .... I may soon have my chance if things keep going this way. But noooo old people are supposed to be mean now. :( what happened to the nice story-telling grandma who baked friggin cookies?!
gracehi 33
Friggin cookies? Those are gross. I much prefer sugar cookies or chocolate chip.
FuckYourProblems 6
Don't they have cameras in most stores that they could check to see that she was lying?
simonsaysYDI 8
Yeah they're really going to risk calling an old woman a liar. Can you imagine if they were wrong, the HUGE apology they'd have to deal with. Better to believe her and have the customer be angry with the old lady, than check and risk bad publicity.
Carmstro 13
Not to mention how much more work that would be than simply just escorting OP out of the building. If OP were being charged or something though, that would be a different story.