Today, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. My husband, the father of the baby, got a birdie on the golf course at the exact same time. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I gave birth to a baby girl. Where was my husband after the agony finally ended? Standing just outside the room, flirting with a nurse. FML
Today, I gave birth, but my husband was late and got here just in time to cut the cord. He was hung over after celebrating his impending fatherhood all night. He missed the cord twice, cut it, then fell over, and wound up in the bed next to mine, with a hydrating IV and a bashed head where he hit it on the baby's cot. FML
Today, my wife had our first child. He's identical to her coworker. FML
Today, after years of trying, I got the wonderful news that my husband is going to be a father. Too bad I’m not the mother. FML
Today, I helped deliver the baby belonging to the woman my husband left me for. FML
Today, I found out my husband is having a baby. Too bad I'm not pregnant. FML
Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. I also found out that the dad has a fiancée. FML
Today, was my wedding day. We had a beautiful outdoor wedding and everything was going perfectly as planned. That is, until a bird flew over us and left a present right between my boobs. I had to stand at the altar for 30 minutes as bird poop melted in my cleavage. FML
Today, I found out that I'm going to be a father. Too bad I can't tell my wife. FML
Today, my colleague rushed off to the hospital for the birth of his first son. Having met his wife at the Christmas party a couple of years ago, I called to congratulate her. Shame I didn't realize it was his mistress having the baby. Guess who broke the news to the wife. FML
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Top comments
TiffyterroriZe 9
Tiger Woods is the father?
squishy01 0
What an ungrateful bastard.
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Comments (280)
CockRocket 0
Could be worse. Could've been a hole in one. With your sister.
styphon 5
*insert cymbal crash*
ryakma_fml 0
Well congratulations to both of you!! your husband is still an ass tho.
ryakma_fml 0
Well congratulations to both of you!! your husband is still an ass tho.
bnvc 0
thats awful. apologies from Toronto
vfs_fml 0
wootwoot toronto! lol
NoellleBuddy 0
men..
Death_From_Above 0
wow... really? that comment is just about ridiculous
goldenone 2
as ridiculous as her makeup?
allmidnighteyes 11
Stupid bitches...
Freeze_fml 17
... will never date me. There, I finished your sentence.
BugsBunny1 4
Dang Freeze, that was COLD... *sigh* I need a life.
RainbowHeadache 2
Haha that's probably how it'll be when I have my kid. FYL, OP.
BrandonisRomeo 18
what a bastard I'm sorry to hear that happened, if I was the father I would be there every second so I wouldn't miss the birth, it a very precious memory to have
zeligtheblessed 0
know how I know your gay
DarkHelmet 10
I hate to break it to you but that marriage I gonna end in divorce. if he puts playing golf above the birth of his child his priorities are not with you
CockRocket 0
Golf is relaxing Babies are annoying and whinge and cry 24/7.
xx_thespian_xx 0
Well then he should have thought about that before he got her pregnant, then he could go gulf and be 'relaxed' instead of being such a dick.
CockRocket 0
Yeah, its not at all her fault that she's pregnant. Only his, right.
TheDrifter 24
Or he could hire a nanny and work double shifts while the heir to his name grows into usefulness. After all, the child won't remember the first three years or so, leaving the father with no truly useful purpose other than possibly teaching the child the basics of any languages he know that the mother doesn't.
Calyx_fml 22
Name her birdie.
bzett 0
What a wonderful father. (: But to make it even more epic you should have named her birdie!
harbqll 0
It's just a medical procedure. What do you need him there for? Is he an obgyn? Are you going to want him there when you go in for a mammogram or endoscopy? Grow up, and get over yourself. You do not need your hand held every time you life gets a teeny bit difficult. You're lucky he doesn't divorce you and find someone less whiny and needy.
bsmith9942 11
I hope u get run over by a truck
a7x_RoCk3r 12
Your kind of right if you think about it..
Btelgeus 11
It's not only about the mother, is also about his daughter. If he isn't there for her in such an unrepeatable moment, what kind of father is he gonna be? I do hope you never have children if you really think like this
A7X_LoVeee 10
I think this classifies as the stupidest comment ever typed on this site.
anyKRulez 0
I agree with the person above me
BugsBunny1 4
And that's saying something considering all the stupid shit posted on this website.
mimination_fml 3
Nice trolling
sunshine_today23 0
agreed. I'd like to see you would feel if you had to feel like your organs were being ripped out for 8-20 hours and then have to sh*t a football and see how much you would want moral support then....think about it.
seekndestroy 3
-__- can't tell if trolling or just very douchey
schmelia 10
Giving birth is supposed to be the equivalent of squeezing a lemon out of your dick. I'd like to see you try it, idiot.
Heliol 8
Well, someone's going to be single for a very long time. What else do you think you shouldn't have to attend? "Why do you need me at the marriage ceremony and reception? I just have to sign the damn papers to make it legal, right? You're too needy!" The only reason you'd be there to conceive your child is because it's fun for you. And if your child became super successful and became president/nobel prize laureate "Why do I have to go to the ceremony? You don't need me there! I had nothing to do with it!"
rawrgrrrawrgrr 0
for a woman its important and it's not needy or whiny
harbqll 0
I've been married for 15 years, have four children, and did not attend a single birth. This is because my wife is not a fainting little weakling. Unlike all of you, she can handle her life without help. I find it hilarious when I see all you little girls talking about how independent and liberated you are - but when push comes to shove you fall to pieces without a man there to hold your hand.
honeybunches88 5
172, I feel sorry for your wife. You're the ultimate jerk. She'll end up cheating if she hasn't already. Wanting your husband there during childbirth is not always about needing someone there because you can't handle it yourself. I'm going to want my husband there when our child is born just because that will be a very, very important moment in both of our lives. As stated above, the husband should WANT to be there both for his child and wife. OP, that sucks your husband wasn't there. But congratulations. I hope that your husband just has bad timing and wasn't just refusing to be there with you.
Jazziieeeeeee 2
you seem really wise and cool ;) plus you obviously like aladdin XD
Grimmerie 31
successful troll is successful!
sunshine_today23 0
to 172, it's 2011, not 1952. if your wife didn't want you to be there, that's her decision, but you should want to be there. I'm so sick of insensitive jerks...
alicksfairclough 6
stupid idiot!
angelgirl765 0
your the ultimate ass hole
krez 20
OP you picked a real turd to spend your life with.