Today, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. My husband, the father of the baby, got a birdie on the golf course at the exact same time. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I gave birth to a baby girl. Where was my husband after the agony finally ended? Standing just outside the room, flirting with a nurse. FML
Today, I gave birth, but my husband was late and got here just in time to cut the cord. He was hung over after celebrating his impending fatherhood all night. He missed the cord twice, cut it, then fell over, and wound up in the bed next to mine, with a hydrating IV and a bashed head where he hit it on the baby's cot. FML
Today, my wife had our first child. He's identical to her coworker. FML
Today, after years of trying, I got the wonderful news that my husband is going to be a father. Too bad I’m not the mother. FML
Today, I helped deliver the baby belonging to the woman my husband left me for. FML
Today, I found out my husband is having a baby. Too bad I'm not pregnant. FML
Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. I also found out that the dad has a fiancée. FML
Today, was my wedding day. We had a beautiful outdoor wedding and everything was going perfectly as planned. That is, until a bird flew over us and left a present right between my boobs. I had to stand at the altar for 30 minutes as bird poop melted in my cleavage. FML
Today, I found out that I'm going to be a father. Too bad I can't tell my wife. FML
Today, my colleague rushed off to the hospital for the birth of his first son. Having met his wife at the Christmas party a couple of years ago, I called to congratulate her. Shame I didn't realize it was his mistress having the baby. Guess who broke the news to the wife. FML
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Top comments
TiffyterroriZe 9
Tiger Woods is the father?
squishy01 0
What an ungrateful bastard.
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Comments (280)
Cairo_Sanchez 8
dude's gonna make lots of money golfing for you and that baby
theMelimda 3
Lol...who writes an FML after they have just given birth???
birdfreak 24
u should name her birdie
MyHandIsADolphin 0
Congratulations to him on the birdie
bbucaro98 0
haha i get u wanted him to get an eagle...right?
oblio 0
beat the crap out of his car with a nine iron, then throw all his clubs in the water trap. that ought to show him you're serious.
FreebirdIII 1
Superb timing. Why the FML?
amiebran 3
time to leave. mine was fishing when we had ours.
notbanned69 0
Notice OP didn't say husband knew she was giving birth or she would have said she tried to get him to stay. Otherwise, the FML would be about the argument that he wanted to golf and she fought it. She probably knew he was golfing, was ok with it, but got pissed off after the fact so now she's trying to humiliate him. What a bitch.
thecovert 7
Score! Now dump the idiot.