Today, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. My husband, the father of the baby, got a birdie on the golf course at the exact same time. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I gave birth to a baby girl. Where was my husband after the agony finally ended? Standing just outside the room, flirting with a nurse. FML
Today, I gave birth, but my husband was late and got here just in time to cut the cord. He was hung over after celebrating his impending fatherhood all night. He missed the cord twice, cut it, then fell over, and wound up in the bed next to mine, with a hydrating IV and a bashed head where he hit it on the baby's cot. FML
Today, my wife had our first child. He's identical to her coworker. FML
Today, after years of trying, I got the wonderful news that my husband is going to be a father. Too bad I’m not the mother. FML
Today, I helped deliver the baby belonging to the woman my husband left me for. FML
Today, I found out my husband is having a baby. Too bad I'm not pregnant. FML
Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. I also found out that the dad has a fiancée. FML
Today, was my wedding day. We had a beautiful outdoor wedding and everything was going perfectly as planned. That is, until a bird flew over us and left a present right between my boobs. I had to stand at the altar for 30 minutes as bird poop melted in my cleavage. FML
Today, I found out that I'm going to be a father. Too bad I can't tell my wife. FML
Today, my colleague rushed off to the hospital for the birth of his first son. Having met his wife at the Christmas party a couple of years ago, I called to congratulate her. Shame I didn't realize it was his mistress having the baby. Guess who broke the news to the wife. FML
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Top comments
TiffyterroriZe 9
Tiger Woods is the father?
squishy01 0
What an ungrateful bastard.
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Comments (280)
needsagf14 12
what a sick twisted world we live in when you have to specify that the husband is the father
dealwithit84 0
good for him
sgtrobswifey 0
What an dick. I really don't see any excuse. we may be all missing a big piece of the equation, but unless you were just a wham, bam, thank ya ma'am delivery, he had NO reason why he couldn't have made it. actually really pisses me off how many dead beat dads, AND moms there are. People take to much shit for granted. My husband almost didn't get to make it home from Iraq for our son's birth, and yet there are people like this dick who didn't even have the tact to show up. Sorry op, I hope this isn't the beginning of a long life with him being a douche.
benji5399 0
hu says u deserve it?
xcrazyforyouu 2
small world ;;
ilovehamburgers 0
oh my gosh people chill. maybe the birth was earlier then expected. I seriously doubt the father purposefully missed his kids birth.
chasewknight 0
I would miss mine ... perfect time to run like hell
nixom1334 6
WOW, How in da hell do you find time to write an FML with a newborn
sgtrobswifey 0
Well, if she's still in the hospital there's actually quite a bit of down time if you want it. she may be one of those moms who let's the nursery take care of her child so she can recuperate. Orrrrrr, like many of the posters, she's probably writing about an event that happened prior to today..
monnanon 14
Newborn babies sleep for most of their first days. I had my newborn with me 24/7 in the hospital and still managed to finish reading two novels. Theres actually a scary amount of down time. Its when they get older and start getting into things that your time is eaten up.
andymus_maximus 0
We all live with our choices. He will for missing the birth. And you will for marrying him.
Rio_de_Fevereiro 0
You should name her "Birdie". /// O
IsBitchBetter 1
Wow, just wow!