Today, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. My husband, the father of the baby, got a birdie on the golf course at the exact same time. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I gave birth to a baby girl. Where was my husband after the agony finally ended? Standing just outside the room, flirting with a nurse. FML
Today, I gave birth, but my husband was late and got here just in time to cut the cord. He was hung over after celebrating his impending fatherhood all night. He missed the cord twice, cut it, then fell over, and wound up in the bed next to mine, with a hydrating IV and a bashed head where he hit it on the baby's cot. FML
Today, my wife had our first child. He's identical to her coworker. FML
Today, after years of trying, I got the wonderful news that my husband is going to be a father. Too bad I’m not the mother. FML
Today, I helped deliver the baby belonging to the woman my husband left me for. FML
Today, I found out my husband is having a baby. Too bad I'm not pregnant. FML
Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. I also found out that the dad has a fiancée. FML
Today, was my wedding day. We had a beautiful outdoor wedding and everything was going perfectly as planned. That is, until a bird flew over us and left a present right between my boobs. I had to stand at the altar for 30 minutes as bird poop melted in my cleavage. FML
Today, I found out that I'm going to be a father. Too bad I can't tell my wife. FML
Today, my colleague rushed off to the hospital for the birth of his first son. Having met his wife at the Christmas party a couple of years ago, I called to congratulate her. Shame I didn't realize it was his mistress having the baby. Guess who broke the news to the wife. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
TiffyterroriZe 9
Tiger Woods is the father?
squishy01 0
What an ungrateful bastard.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (280)
x3nikkii97 0
why are you on fml if you just gave birth? cool life.
Idonebeenhad 17
Birdie>Beautiful baby girl. Herp.
Pizzamaster 0
maybe she has an iphone
Hide_Yo_Kids 0
not all FMLs are written on the exact moment it happens
dcam13 19
sucks at being a husband/dad and can't do much better at golf, ahah what a catch...
whitesox365 0
he really got that one in the hole i guess
lntreis_fml 0
I think you should name your baby Birdie :D No but serioisly it would be somewhat cute if its a girl
lntreis_fml 0
I think you should name your baby Birdie :D No but serioisly it would be somewhat cute if its a girl
comepoopwithme 0
50- did you skip over the entire first sentence of the FML?
maxtheman 0
The FML is that her husband wasn't there being supportive of her.
redbluegreen 41
All FMLs begin with "Today" no matter what, so no, it doesn't mean it happened today. It's just written that way.
littlemissFYL 5
while you were screaming in pain your husband was screaming "HOLE IN ONE" :D
Crlnprz 11
actually no 74...
BugsBunny1 4
No the FML is (and someone stated this before) that the husband couldn't even get an eagle.
jessthebest3 0
You look like Brandon Urie.
jessthebest3 0
that was directed at 33
ZombieeeeUnicorn 1
*cough cough* BRENDON Urie. his name is too awesome to be misspelled :)
ZombieeeeUnicorn 1
oh and no he doesn't? xD
hippieluva 0
no duhhh
littlemissFYL 5
yes, 131 I clearly have no ******* clue about golf, you and others have clearly pointe and stated that. thank you for that long paragraph, you have taught me something today. I hope you feel special and thank you again for taking five minutes out of your day to clear everything up. you are so very, very kind.
denbeste 3
#142 be mad! you got served. probably by a golfer. LOL!
lemoncows 2
138 stop being a turd. Better to crack a lame joke than have no sense of humor at all.
C6Racer 0
Agreed, 153. Besides, nobody gives a flying ****. It's just golf.
Monstee 2
Both you and the ball are I'm the hole..
iRiS890 5
Birdie would be an awful name for a kid. js. You may now return to your insightful golf debate.
oblio 0
163, I agree, Birdie is short for Roberta, not a pretty name.
MRobvious750 0
To #138 Do you feel accomplished explaining the simple rules of golf? Maybe that's all you can comprehend .........
Tuesdays76 0
Why is everyone getting all mad at 138 for explaining some rules? Generally only those of us who golf really know the rules, because let's be honest, if you don't actually enjoy Playing golf then it's boring as hell to you. So the people who don't golf probably didn't know so now they do.
BooGhosted 0
Heh we got a phsyco on our hands here!
BooGhosted 0
at 138!
Tuesdays76 0
Do you always announce that at your arrivals?
docscientist 10
138 - you raged much too hard over golf.
woahbro2slow 0
shut up?
littlemissFYL 5
160, just stop while you're ahead. do you want me to crack another joke about something I have no clue about so you can go and give me a definition for that too? :)
littlemissFYL 5
"don't be a silly, protect your willy!" here's one. please, do your thing.
Britsalmostlegal 17
20- your username and profile pic made my day. :D thank you.
Britsalmostlegal 17
:)
squishy01 0
What an ungrateful bastard.
Alleged_Cranium 7
He did his part 9 months ago.
hiyourcute 0
No no, the baby HAS a dad, he just wasn't there, get it?;)
ImaWiseGuy 5
I can see why she's mad, only a hole in one is exceptable for missing your Childs birth....
sanchogrim 18
maybe she went into labor when he was already on the course? if he knew he's a jack butt though
awardZu 0
Jack butt? Really?
ImaWiseGuy 5
haha that's what I was thinking^
FreakoHolm 6
Hahahahaha jack butt xD
L3Paparazzo 7
a birdie thats impressive.. mehh giving birth is cool to i guess :P
Kawboy 1
Bro's before hoes!! haha jk
wazupwolf 5
what does he have to be grateful for? 18 years of hell? no I think not..
shumian 4
name the baby "Birdie"
Drummerboy1234 0
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!!! men contribute and give it our all for one glorious night!
BigD805 0
hey
BigD805 0
hey
Tuesdays76 0
Everyone is missing the point here. The whole reason this is an FML is because the husband, apparently named Jack Butt, doing his daily trip on the MINI golf course. Yet it's still the first time he has got a birdie.
snickers001 0
not really! he should have been there with her :(
killabb23 0
agreed..
theUBERcomment 1
snickers ur retarded. HE'S JOKING
THEsuperMANLYman 10
IT'S A SIGN!!!!
TiffyterroriZe 9
Tiger Woods is the father?
x3nikkii97 0
win.
dgmz12 0
Ha. nice^^
Smittyb24 4
4- that's great lol
ImThePope 2
Maybe it wasn't due for two or so days? Maybe he just had bad timing. Maybe he left in the morning and her father took her. Or maybe, he is another tiger woods, but don't be so quick to judge.
kenhan07 0
aha you beat me to it
360XBOXFTW 0
what a bitch! she wasn't there to see his birdie!
cgchamp89 7
agreed! Good thing she didn't miss a hole in one or something.... that would be terrible.
TheNewGuy03 29
87 -- you're the type that takes jokes seriously and takes serious things for a joke, huh? i'm just happy that the husband is the father. otherwise, i'd be looking at the precursor to another episode of maury. |the kid|
miraggg 1
i was just about to say that... good one!
Marianette 0
he's everyone's father.
c_r0924 0
Well it must have been pre-cheating Tiger Woods then because he could never get a birdie now with the way he has been playing.
skidoo800HO 2
#3 is right! The OP just forgot to mention the part about her her husband crashing his escalade into a tree ;)
Tuesdays76 0
Ha it could indeed be Tiger. With him it doesn't matter what kind of hole it is, He always manages to get a white.. something or the other... inside.
jakezanerd 0
if he was, he is definitely cheating on you
dragon0000 7
LMFAO nice
microbemaster 17
As always
Alleged_Cranium 7
Send him my congratulations.
boygeorgebaby 0
what a bastard. out playing freaking golf when his wife is in labor. warning for the future, op.
nunsrtight69 0
props for the nice shot though
livin_plur 0
maybe he couldn't get to her on time, it's not like all women go into labor on set schedule
lucas755 1
It doesn't say he ignored her in labor. maybe his phone died, or nobody bothered to call him because they thought he was coming. OP is just being mad and saying only their side. don't be so quick to judge.
sweetpea9008 2
what does op stand for
nunsrtight69 0
original poster
sweetpea9008 2
thanks!
vindi_fml 3
Typically when you're on the golf course you don't talk on the phone much. Also, who's life is bad here, you gave birth to a child, he got a birdie everybody is happy.
JayBear14 11
Your husbands priorities suck. Atleast you get to choose the name you want for your baby girl. :)
mdog098 0
just letting you know your sexy as a chocolate strawberry
JayBear14 11
Thank you, i will now never look at chocolate strawberries the same..
heartless_fml 6
how is this an FML?
Pizzamaster 0
pst. men
DjeePee 25
No, no, no and again, no. His sekse is not an excuse. There are plenty of men who are decent enough to let their wife crush their hand whilst giving birth. There are also plenty of men who will pass out, but that's another story. I think it shows an incredibly lack of interest to miss the birth. Chances are small, but what if something bad happened to his wife/the baby whilst he was playing golf? OP, pity him. He missed a great moment in your and his life.
Pizzamaster 0
I know. I'm a guy
xleanne_aLly 23
#25, you b*tch a lot. shut up.
mrahhhhh 21
How ironic, you're celebrating something coming out of your hole, and he's celebrating getting something in his hole!
Pizzamaster 0
lol roflmao
Idonebeenhad 17
^^epic win^^
no65438 0
haha(: win
lucas755 1
I think he celebrated getting something into a hole about nine months ago.
angelgirl765 0
so true:D
maszaros 9
that makes him sound gay!
Aerious 0
At least your husband wasn't having a raid on WoW at the time.. Look at the bright side, OP.
Chazyj 4
icc :-)
PassTheDutch 0
22. your eyes are ******* awesome.
cldean24 4
Your eyes are really pretty. *jealous*
Smittyb24 4
yeah they are
haileemarie7 6
you guys mean her CONTACTS, right?
lsk91 3
Oh god wow xD
colonel42 0
bhaha this happens more often then people think..